Fear of the Unknown

I have been sparse in writing devotions the past two weeks, my energy fully preoccupied with boxes, lease agreements, travel arrangements and incessant worry.  In March I am packing up my life in Bozeman and moving into the great unknown, a new beginning and a new challenge. 

It is time to leave Bozeman.  My four years in Montana has been a blessing from God, a safety nest, an incubation period of growth and reflection on past trials.  God always has spoken to me through nature, the majesty of the natural world reminding me of his grace and glory.  He is the master architecture, our redeemer and advocate. 

It is hard to branch out, to trust God's call when he tells us to pack up everything and move forward.  We are creatures of habit.  Even if we are in desperate circumstances, we often prefer to hide in the dark known rather than step out into the light.  We are blinded by fear of failure, of crashing and burning.  A bird can only survive in the nest so long, eventually it has to overcome its fear and take flight. If we rely on the world we are bound to fail, lost in fear and chained by dread.  Still we struggle to trust God to help us take flight.  Even if we believe in God's truth and trust his power, our human fragility is bound in fear.  We rely on the tangible, contemplating and planning the future like a sharp edged razor.  When life forces us in a new direction we cut ourselves on lost hope, fear of the unknown, content to wrestle our demons in the night.  As Christians we exemplify: 'I believe, help my unbelief.'

This move is stressful, all moves are, when you pack up your belongings and step into uncharted territory.  In this case, our final destination is not fully known, we are still analyzing the pros and cons of various cities in the southeast, from apartment costs to job opportunities to nursing programs at community colleges.  I love Montana, the scenery fills my soul, but the job market here is non-existent and there are no nursing programs in the region that meet my program requirements. Bozeman is an anchor - an anchor both keeps you grounded, and it can also weigh you down, preventing you to perceive and discern new options.  God has blessed us with a wonderful apartment here, a nest.  It is tempting to stay in this rut, even if it means being paralyzed and unable to reach my long term goals.

John 5:1-18
"Now in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate there is a pool, called in Hebrew Beth-zatha, which has five porticoes. In these lay many invalids-- blind, lame, and paralyzed. One man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had been there a long time, he said to him, "Do you want to be made well?" The sick man answered him, "Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; and while I am making my way, someone else steps down ahead of me." Jesus said to him, "Stand up, take your mat and walk." At once the man was made well, and he took up his mat and began to walk....."

This passage from John is one of my favorite in the bible.  It reminds me of God's care, the guiding power of the Holy Spirit and the active love of Jesus.  On the surface this passage appears to be a basic miracle, a healing of an invalid; its meaning runs far deeper.  Healing itself is an act of redemption, of reprieve and hope, a new life.  Healing is a physical and spiritual process of restoring a broken body and spirit.  In this account, Jesus does not race in laying on hands and commanding the invalid be healed.  Instead he approaches him with gentleness and says: 'Do you want to be made well?'  

That seems like a silly question, who wouldn't want to be made well?  The truth is many of us mentally desire healing, but are so paralyzed by fear of life outside of the confines we know that we resist and refuse to be healed.  Jesus realized this man's desperation was as much psychological as physical.  The pain and emotional stress of being physically paralyzed, or suffering a debilitating illness, is something we will search the world over for an antidote, yet will we take grace of healing?  Those burdens, the emotional boulders and barricades become our anchor - our character - we become afraid of leaving the shadows, where everything is obscure to a light where everything is revealed. 

There are many layers of truths and lessons in this miracle story.  Jesus in asking the invalid if he wants to be made well is an act of mercy, as he respects the man's choice.  This exchange reflects to me the choice we have in accepting the gift of grace, redemption and our own decision to tear down the walls of fear and move forward trusting in the love and faith.  God is an anchor of the soul, that instead of weighing us down in burden, helps life take flight. 

The sick man answered him, "Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; and while I am making my way, someone else steps down ahead of me." Jesus said to him, "Stand up, take your mat and walk."  

The man doesn't answer 'yes,' to healing, instead he explains his situation and how the world is preventing his path to the water, people are pushing ahead, acting without mercy and compassion.  This statement is twofold.  One it reminds us that we are called to serve those in need and at all times to act with mercy and compassion, selfless love and offering the desperate hope.  I saw a man the other day honk at a women in a walker crossing the street.  Are we in such a rush that we neglect to patiently love and show mercy for our fellow creatures?  We are all responsible of clutching our worldly impatience instead of following an active example of eternal patience. 

I am impatient in moving.  A lot of unfair circumstances beyond my control, malicious things, have made the financial aspects of moving a strain.  I get so caught up in worrying about the finances that I fail to remember that God is always providing for me. He has also given me countless signs, signals and pushes to take the step forward.  I want to move forward, but I let fear be my driver and fear only paralyzes. 

Jesus heals the man, and instructs him to 'take your mat and walk.'  At this point, Jesus given his healing to the man, still it is up to him to acknowledge and trust the healing and move forward.  Once again this exchange reminds us of God's guiding presence in our lives, all the while instructing us that we have to be active participates.  Instead of fear, pray for comfort and guidance.  Instead of worry, pray for discernment that leads to an active hope, instead of resting your faith in an unknown future, trust in the eternal promise of God.

 For four years we didn't have a car. For the first 3 1/2 years this was a good move as we can walk everywhere in Bozeman and take the bus in the winter.  It came a point when God starting pushing me to trust the process of buying a car.  I resisted afraid about the finances, worried about maintenance - valid concerns, of course, however my resistance was rooted in fear more than reason. God works his purpose out and in August 2013, circumstances made us confront the car issue.  I was so worried and anxious, only to find out we could get a car that we can afford.  God knows we need a car to drive on to the next stage, it was the first sign to consider a move...he has continued to actively nudge me along.  Working to comfort and guide me.  Yes I am still anxiety prone, but I know that God heals and I need his healing power. 

On my own I am bound to a nest of fear, a dependency and defense mechanism, in God's grace and guiding presence I can soar.  Yes obstacles will test me along the way.  This trust is a constant dance, the spirit of faith growing and learning in peace and tribulation.  For the mountains to rise and the prairies to amble in wild ceaseless beauty, there is a certain about of suffering, yet resiliency is a gift God wields in us.  It is the knowledge of his mercy and fortitude that gives me rest.


Genesis 15:1-11
"After these things the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision, "Do not be afraid, Abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great." But Abram said, "O Lord GOD, what will you give me, for I continue childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?" And Abram said, "You have given me no offspring, and so a slave born in my house is to be my heir." But the word of the LORD came to him, "This man shall not be your heir; no one but your very own issue shall be your heir." He brought him outside and said, "Look toward heaven and count the stars, if you are able to count them." Then he said to him, "So shall your descendants be." And he believed the LORD; and the LORD reckoned it to him as righteousness. Then he said to him, "I am the LORD who brought you from Ur of the Chaldeans, to give you this land to possess." But he said, "O Lord GOD, how am I to know that I shall possess it?"  

This passage from Genesis speaks to my trepidation and hope.  Like Abram, I am preparing to move.  This time is one of both excitement and fear.  Abram-Abraham knew God's trustworthiness, yet still he questioned, fear tests even the most faithful of saints.  Throughout scripture we are shown that God is trustworthy.  Problems often arise because of our false urgency for a tangible product, our anger and our fear.  God calls us to be active participants in faith.  God acts faithfully, while we have to trust, to discern and use the gift of reason as a tool to understand his purpose in our lives, not as a buffer of worry and fear.  I cannot deny that I am not afraid; have the courage to step forward and take flight from this decaying nest, because God is my shield.  If he is for us who can be against us?

Gift of Baptism

Today we remember the Baptism of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Baptism has been called the door to the church, it is a sacrament that seals us in the protection of Christ, marked as his own, adopted into as his own.  Baptism is not an immunity against the evil of this world, not does offer us protection, removing our original sin and is a sign of Christ's fulfilled grace and promise of faith; both God's eternal promise of faith to keep His Holy promises and the promise of faith fulfilled in Christ, as well as an invocation to our own faith journey as Christians.

Baptism isn't an arbitrary act, merely a practice of repetition, without spiritual worth.  Nor is it merely a symbol, although powerful in the spiritual meaning (i.e. symbolic themes in scripture or symbolic acts set as an example, but are not sacramental). 

Jesus makes it perfectly clear in his ministry that baptism is essential.  Although Jesus was sinless, he made a point to seek out John, to receive baptism.  John was hesitant to perform the rite:

"I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?"  But Jesus answered him, "Let it be so now; for it is proper for us in the way to fulfill all righteousness."

Jesus's ministry on earth is about his death and resurrection, but it goes further than that.  God sent a part of himself, his only son, God incarnate to the world to live as a man and in that life to show us an example of faith, a perfect living example.  Lessons about practical applications to life on all levels of psyche and physical aspects of our trials and joys so that we might have an example to follow, helping on our path to salvation.  Grace is a gift, yet we are called to act in faith and as Christ would have us. 

Jesus emphasized the importance of baptism, and God the Father makes his presence known in baptism and the essential nature of this sacrament:
And when Jesus have been baptized, just as he came up from the water suddenly the heavens were opened to him and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him.  And a voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, the Beloved, with whom I am well pleased."

Though Jesus is God's son, fully divine and fully man, this example of baptism, shows the importance of the physical use of water and the fire of God's kindling love bestowed in the process.  God proclaims an adoption at this moment, so even though Jesus is God's son, our adoption in Baptism calls us into the family of Christ's church and God considers us his children, whom he loves and is well pleased.  That is humbling and joyful thing that fills the spirit with hope in despair and a light that penetrates even the darkest spots of life.  If God is with us who can be against us?

Baptism is a living and powerful act that works through the baptized.  It confers the gift of salvation and is formal adoption into Christ's Church.  Although free will is still within us, the capacity to sin ever-present, the gift of baptism cleanses us and offers us certain protections against spiritual warfare.  Once baptized you are eternally marked by Christ, that doesn't mean you might forsake your redemption by choice, falling into darkness.  Baptism is our personal living guidepost written on our hearts, a spiritual seal.  We may stray, but God is always with us, The Trinity bestowed on us as a living promise.  We may break turn from the Holy Spirit, but God is always with us.  Baptism is the ultimate symbol of love and faith fulfilled.  It is God's contract of his living promise, that his covenant of Grace through Christ's death and resurrection will not be broken.  That door is always opened to us.

Water is a prevalent theme and symbol in scripture.  It is something that speaks to us on a spiritual and physical layer. Living in Montana and the Greater Yellowstone Ecosystem, the power and necessity of water is prevalent - water fuels the heat blistered plains, the rivers pump life into dry, desolate places, in the winter it takes the dagger of ice jams and avalanches, deadly as they may be to protect the ecosystem.

As humans we thirst, we yearn to be clean.  One hour without water and we thirst, One day without a shower and we yearn to be clean.  The Holy Trinity is the spiritual water that quenches our thirst and cleanses our souls.

Water has many layers of power and connection to bring meaning an understanding to our spiritual journey.  It many ways it epitomizes God's spirit.  Water is the ultimate cleansing power in the natural world, essential for sanitization, hygiene, it quenches our thirst and keeps us hydrated, precipitation nourishes our ecosystem, helping crops to grow.  Water can also be a powerful force of wrath, from flooding, to frozen ice and water than can kill...God is all good, but he is also a God of justice.  In scripture he uses water to flood the world to cleanse it from the evil that had run rampant, but also it is a force of death, drowning the world.  It seems harsh, but it is essential that we kill our desire to rely on the world, learning to trust in God.  In cleansing of baptism we can open the first door to relying on God's spirit, the Holy Water that cleanses, not drowned in the sorrow of world, rather rejoice in God's living gifts. 

God uses water to part the Red Sea, yet those who oppose God's will drown by the wrath of the water, Egyptian soldiers drowned.  In the desert the desire of thirst for the world is always a contention for the desire for God.  Even Moses, a man full of God's grace and love, struggled at Meribah - God instructed him how to receive water, but Moses became distracted by the crowds 'the world' and the gift of water, though still given, became a stumbling block - forcing Moses not to be allowed into the Promised Land.

We must rejoice in the gift of Baptism and understand that its power is a gift of grace and a living spirit of God dwelling in us, but the power is not of us.  Baptism is the open door to a journey in faith, baptism is essential for this journey, but to complete the journey we must continue to walk in faith and to repent.  We cannot rest in our baptism alone, but trust it's sacramental power as a promise that we can have faith in God's promise, it is a living reminder of the Holy Trinity & God's Grace.

Matthew 3: 13-17: Then Jesus came from Galilee to John at the Jordan, to be baptized by him.  John would have prevented him, saying, "I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?"  But Jesus answered him, "Let it be so now; for it is proper for us in the way to fulfill all righteousness." Then he consented. And when Jesus have been baptized, just as he came up from the water suddenly the heavens were opened to him and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him.  And a voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, the Beloved, with whom I am well pleased."

Mark 1: 9-11: In those days Jesus came from Nazareth of Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan.  And just as he was coming up out of the water, he saw the heavens torn apart and the Spirit descending like a dove on him.  And a voice came from heaven, "You are my Son, the Beloved; with you I am well pleased."

Useful links about Holy Baptism:
http://catholicism.about.com/od/beliefsteachings/p/Sac_Baptism.htm
http://christianity.about.com/od/biblestorysummaries/p/baptismofjesus.htm

Verses about Baptism:
http://www.openbible.info/topics/water_baptism

Verses about Water:
http://www.openbible.info/topics/water

Epiphany - A Star Rises to Lead us to Christ

"In the time of King Herod,  after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea, wise men from the East came to Jerusalem, asking "Where is the child who has been born king of the Jews? For we observed his star at its rising, and have come to pay him homage."  When Kind Herod heard this, he was frightened, and all of Jerusalem with him."

"They set out: and there, ahead of them, went the star that they had seen at its rising, until it stopped over the place where the child was.  When they saw that the star had stopped, they were overwhelmed with joy.  On entering the house, they saw the child with Mary his mother; and they knelt down and paid him homage.  Then opening their treasure chests, they offered him gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. And having been warned in a dream not to return to Herod they left for their own country by another road."

When I was a child, every Christmas season, my mom took me to the Morehead Planetarium at the University of North Carolina.  The museum ran a holiday program entitled, 'The Star of Bethlehem.'  It explored the wonder of the star that rose to signal Christ's birth, an extraordinary star shining with a radiant light strong enough to pierce the darkness, a light reflecting the light of Christ.   The documentary was retired from the planetarium after sixty-one seasons, the museum producing a new documentary akin to the original.  Still the science and miracle of the star of wonder remains a constant truth.  The documentary revealed the science of this star of wonder, in a way that illuminated the truth of faith, extraordinary in ordinary.

As a child, I found the science of this miraculous star a revelation of God's truth and glory, the birth of Christ.  God uses the ordinary for the extraordinary, a star is but a flicker in the night sky, yet it can illuminate the dark.  God used nature, something as otherworldly and natural as a star, to light the way to Christ. The star of Bethlehem is a guidepost, rising to lift us out of doubt into the epiphany of faith, to take on the journey to Christ with an intrepid and courageous heart.  Christ is our star, the guidepost that lights our path.  We may not know the exact footsteps and trails it takes to reach 'Bethlehem,' but we know that The Holy Spirit guides us, Christ forgives us and God the Father cares for us.  Even in the seeming mundane, there is wonder, and in the darkness The Holy Trinity promises us light.  Light doesn't make us immune from the dark, but gives us illumination to navigate through the abyss.

Epiphany has several dictionary definitions:
a (1) :  a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something (2) :  an intuitive grasp of reality through something (as an event) usually simple and striking (3) :  an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure
Here is an interesting article from Psychology Today about the semantics of 'Epiphany.'

The Twelve Days of Christmastide, from Christmas Day to Epiphany is a discovery of faith.  Advent prepares us for Christ, Christmas opens our spirit to the fullness of Christ, each day revealing another layer of his truth and grace, so as we celebrate Epiphany we come to it not with hesitation and fear, but a humble joy.  We celebrate epiphany with a full acknowledgement that Christ is the son of God, who came to the earth to sacrifice himself out of love, grace fulfilled on the Christ.  Christ is the light of the world and even in life's darkest moments we never walk alone.  We accept the gift of grace in Christ with a triumphal gratitude and hope in the faith of the kingdom that has come and is coming.  The everlasting cup of life.

~
"We Three Kings"
Who are the Magi? 
Biblical scholars believe that the Magi, were Magian Priests from the Parthian Empire, which at the time of Christ's birth encompassed a large area of the eastern frontier of the Roman Empire. They are referred to as 'Wise Men' because they were a intellectually, studied class of ancient priests, that held a wealth of knowledge about travel, astronomy, natural sciences, astrology and mysticism.  They were Gentiles.  They used the stars for prophecy and science. 

Three Kings? Scripture doesn't tell us how many wise men there were, although three seems logical because they brought three gifts, of course this could be tied to their perception of acknowledging the Trinity or God using the gifts to symbolize: God the Father, Christ the son and the Holy Spirit.

When did they arrive: I love a Live Nativity with the Wise Men paying homage to the Christ child in the manager, shepherds keeping watch, although it is not a historical interpretation of what actually happened (I still argue it is a spiritually true interpretation as it shows the truth of Christ's being a Messiah, King, Human and Divine...and the 'epiphany' of the lowly shepherds to intelligent Gentiles perceiving the truth of Christ as Savior).  It is unknown when exactly the Magi came to visit the Jesus.  It was not at the stable.  Matthew 2 tells us that the magi visited the Holy Family in a house.  Jesus was 2 or under, as Herod asked the Magi when their first saw the star rise and used that on his basis for the age of the Holy Innocents.  Herod could have upped the number to ensure the 'king' he feared would take his throne was murdered.  So Christ was 2 or under when the Magi came. 

Herod was the official 'King of the Jews,' a royal official who petitioned Rome for his crown.  I learned in a bible study on Luke that Herod's family was not actually descended from the Twelve Tribes of Israel, and his power was completely based on political corruption and buyoffs (I suppose human nature really doesn't change).  He perceived that Christ was the Messiah foretold in prophecy, but instead of graciously accepting the Messiah, the son of God as king, Herod cared more for worldly power.  He defied God's will for human authority, to the point of murdering innocent children.  The magi did not return to Herod, in turn buying the Holy Family time to get to Egypt where they were refugees.  They were Gentiles but perceived the dream from God warning them not to go back to Herod as a truth, trusting God. 

It is interesting that the first people to acknowledge the baby Jesus as king are a race of Gentiles from a far off land, who are not tied to Judaism.  They are astrologers, yet even in their foreign pagan beliefs, they were able to perceive the truth.  Once again God proves to flip our expectations, working through the unexpected to achieve his purposes.  The magi were so certain that Christ was the king that they traveled hundreds, if not thousands of miles just to pay him homage.  Throughout the Gospels we see incidents when people who should acknowledge Christ as the Messiah, are deaf and blind, while the lowly beggar or Gentile from afar is able to perceive. This isn't an insult on the Jewish community as much as human nature.  How easy is it for us, when we are tangled up in the ends and outs of something that we lack perception, to be unable to turn convention upside down?  Would we pay homage to Christ as King, or see him as a humble baby of no consequence.  Jesus came as fully divine and fully man, we perceive truth with a limited scope, a paradox of understanding, a battle of belief and doubt.

It took Gentiles to see the light that had come.  Epiphany is a perception of Christ and a recognition of Christ as king and savior, an internal spark and determination to let go of our fear and preconceptions, turning over trust to him, allowing the LIGHT of CHRIST to guide our footsteps and the Holy Spirit to move within us, helping us to grow in faith and perceive truth - even in the ordinary, extraordinary, unexpected places...

May the light of Christ shine in your dark places, turning over fear to the Holy Trinity, allowing God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to guide you 3 gifts of guiding light - one God. 

Here is an article about some Epiphany Traditions, including baking the King Cake.  In many countries gifts are exchanged on Epiphany in honor of the Wise Men's visit and gifts.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/06/three-kings-day-celebration-history-and-traditions-behind-el-dia-de-los-reyes_n_2412379.html

If you like to bake, celebrate with a 'Los Reyes Cake,' or 'Star Cookies' or 'Fortune Cookies' with bible verses.

A link to a You Tube presentation from the Houston Planetarium about the Start of Bethlehem: http://youtu.be/01f6RyguFns

Some more reading: http://www.orlutheran.com/html/magifaq.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biblical_Magi#Gifts