Christ, the King of the Universe

Daniel 7:9-10, 7:13-14

As I watched, thrones were set in place, and an Ancient One took his throne, his clothing was white as snow, and the hair of his head like pure wool; his throne was fiery flames, and its wheels were burning fire. A stream of fire issued and flowed out from his presence. A thousand thousands served him, and ten thousand times ten thousand stood attending him. The court sat in judgment, and the books were opened. As I watched in the night visions, I saw one like a human being coming with the clouds of heaven. And he came to the Ancient One and was presented before him. To him was given dominion and glory and kingship, that all peoples, nations, and languages should serve him. His dominion is an everlasting dominion that shall not pass away, and his kingship is one that shall never be destroyed.

In August I made the decision to join the Catholic Church.  This was a decision that was not made lightly and comes from a period of prayerful discernment over the course of three years.  The decision is largely based on the international body of Christ - allowing me to get involved in numerous ministries.  As an Episcopalian the move has not been drastic.  Episcopalians  are the most closely related church in terms of liturgy, the sacraments, prayer and practice.  The liturgy of both services is rooted in the power and glory of Christ with us, in the Eucharist.   

I will continue to attend my Episcopal Church in conjunction with my new Catholic parish as each offers wonderful ways to engage in the body and communion of Christ - through bible studies, the sacraments, community and prayer.  

I grew up Episcopalian and Presbyterian.  My father was Presbyterian, with my mother's family having strong roots in the Anglican tradition.  Growing up I was taught to respect all denominations and I believe God works through various denominations for His Glory.  I am drawn to the Anglo-Catholic tradition because I find I discover Christ's presence fully when I receive the sacraments.  I find the beauty and wonder and SPIRIT of Christ in the Eucharist.  It is more than a mere memorial of an historical event, the Eucharist is a partaking in our own need for Christ's wholeness to fill the dark spaces of our life - body, mind and soul with HIS life.  In receiving communion, I believe we receive Christ - His real presence - and in communion He pours forth His mercy and grace, hope and fortitude in our hearts and sanctifies us - in sanctifying us we are able to let go and Let God...we are made aware of the parts of our soul that are injured and are in repair.  The Holy Spirit speaks to us in the receiving of bread and wine - in receiving Christ our cup over flows and we long to share the bread of Christ with others.  

The Mass is an all encompassing prayer of petition, gratitude, glory and praise - at the heart of the Eucharist we humble ourselves submitting our flesh to God, being willing to love our neighbor and give up ourselves to the service of God...in humbly approaching His table - we are renewed, transformed and kindled in SPIRIT to be our best selves through Christ, to go forth and break bread with others; be it spiritually through forgiveness and acts of mercy, or perhaps physically feeding and clothing those in need, preparing a meal for the sick and consoling the brokenhearted.  Christ is with us and the Eucharist feeds us body, mind, soul in the gift of HIS grace.

I don't think getting into the theological discussion of does the bread and wine physically or spiritually become Christ matters.  Men fought wars over this - but in truth all that matters is we accept this is a Holy Mystery - a great grace that God is with us and in the act of Communion - God in Christ - feeds us, consoles us, forgives us, makes us clean and invites us to His banquet table - not as slaves but as heirs to His kingdom.

Sunday 11/22 is the Feast of Christ the King.  It is an interesting paradox how easy it is to separate our true belief that Christ is King of the Universe, while also failing to recognize His kingdom among us.  I know I struggle in negotiating how Christ the King, while King of Heaven at times seems absent or silent in times of trial.  I think of the Paris terrorism...and yet I have no doubt that Christ is all good, all loving and pure light.  Every time I broach this topic I am left with questions - and also peace...Christ does not operate as the kings of this world.  God is the Creator of the earth and all the universe...anything that is darkness comes from our choice to separate ourselves from God's light - this is by the law of free will.  

Free will is something God takes seriously - God could be a king that conquers and forces submission - yet what person who is not enslaved and given no hope won't submit to that rule?  What relationship is there if God is merely a king and we are subjects who his rules over like a tyrant.  God has every right to do so and any worldly power would seize that right, but Christ's ways are higher than our ways.  Christ wants us to write His law on our hearts.  Christ is a king who wants to serve his creation for His Love created it.  He does not want to force His Love on us and yet we are complete and isolated without God - we cannot function body, mind, soul - eternally or temporally without God.  So even when we turn away from God, he is at work - testing us in ways that refine and hoping judgment will show human hearts the power of His love and the need to willingly submit to God.

It is easy to question - WHY - didn't Jesus show HIS power as God in tearing down the principalities that sought his life as he dragged His cross to cavalry.  The truth is like a canyon, deep and treacherous at first and yet at sunrise the colors come to life and the river flows, slowing breaking down the rock...I use this example because the obvious answer and arguably most important one is that Christ as a sinless man died to save us from sin and to rectify the law.  This is a glorious truth and we must never forget God's great love and humility in this sacrifice of salvation...

The mystery and wonder of Christ's death as king however is full of infinite graces of revelations as we delve deeper into the soul by the lantern light of the Holy Spirit.

Evil exists in this world by the order of rebellion against God in the act of free will and darkness on this realm, though it will never overcome God's life - it is part of the human experience.  Jesus taking on the Christ reminds us of our need for God, our fallen nature and the pain of absence of HIM in our lives...the cross is an example of showing us how we must keep our eyes set on God's goodness even when evil seems to win the battle - we might have to persevere through dark spaces - but if we walk with the light of Christ in our hearts we will not lose our souls by the darkness of this world.  

Jesus overcoming his enemies by fire and brimstone as an earthly king of power - would have only been a temporary solution to a perpetual problem of the world - the remedy of evil and the need for salvation.  Christ could have triumphed by starting an army and overthrowing Rome and yet the same patterns would arise by the evil of the choice of separation from God.  Such an act of kingsmanship - though a sign of honor and power in the world would do nothing to save our souls and the decay of life would continue without true salvation.

John 18:33-37

Then Pilate entered the headquarters again, summoned Jesus, and asked him, "Are you the King of the Jews?" Jesus answered, "Do you ask this on your own, or did others tell you about me?" Pilate replied, "I am not a Jew, am I? Your own nation and the chief priests have handed you over to me. What have you done?" Jesus answered, "My kingdom is not from this world. If my kingdom were from this world, my followers would be fighting to keep me from being handed over to the Jews. But as it is, my kingdom is not from here." Pilate asked him, "So you are a king?" Jesus answered, "You say that I am a king. For this I was born, and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to my voice."

As I dig deeper into my soul, the Holy Spirit forces me to open my perception and reconcile my viewpoint from the restraining view of the world vision to the infinite light of God's vision.  We are creatures of habit and so often it is easier to fail to recognize God's grace because it is not the way of the world...when we pray for help for a temporal want and we push back an eternal need from God - we fail to recognize our King in action.  Even in dark spaces God is with us in Christ...and we are called to be kingdom builders in this world as well as heaven.

Christ telling Pilate: "My kingdom is not of this world..." He does not mean that the world is so crude and dark - he does not concern Himself with earthly matters - Christ is always at work in the world and yet HE is not leading us by the rules of the world, but we are led by a power so strong and full of light it is blinding to those who are attached to worldly power and possessions.  Pilate could not fathom the greatness of God outside of the power plays and killings and tortures of the Roman Empire and worldly institutions.  Christ's power is so strong it does not need to wield its arm with deceit, but leads with TRUTH.

As we approach the end of the liturgical year - we need to delve into our hearts, souls, and minds and ask Christ to be our king - follow HIS example - ask what He calls you to do?  How can we build Christ's kingdom on earth.

I think Grace and Truth are two important beacons we need to constantly walk towards:

Christ wants us to build a kingdom on love and in love we love our neighbors as ourselves - but in loving ourselves we need to submit to the way God loves us - detaching from unworthiness, fear, self-hate, jealousy, greed and selfishness...when we love ourselves as Christ loves us we are imbued with the gifts of charity, perseverance, humility...we are active agents for change not by war and power plays - but through the light of love.

In time Christ will bring all things under HIS kingdom and His submission - we however are not called to isolate ourselves and pridefully wave the flag of being saved until Christ comes in glory to judge the world - Christ wants us to get our hands in the dirt and plant seeds of love and hope and mercy.  He wants us to see the value of every life and work towards COMMUNION with all creation driven not by the flesh, but the Orders of our KING - Christ.

Even when we walk through the fires of hell, God is with us, Jesus is the Alpha and the Omega and while our King is one who serves and rules by grace and love - we can never forget the power of God and Christ's glory - In Christ all things are possible - if we were to comprehend God's power we would be blinded - it is that great - so we cannot fear in doing the tasks our King calls us to - for if Christ is with us we have the entire breath of the universe working for us...even in dark spaces there is a light in our hearts - the light of communion with our King...and our king has adopted us not as slaves but as children...heirs of the kingdom of heaven.

54 Day Rosary: The Wedding at Cana

John 2:

On the third day there was a wedding in Cana in Galilee and the mother of Jesus was there.  Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the wedding.  When the wine ran short, the mother of Jesus said to him, "They have no wine."  Jesus said to here, "Woman how does your concern affect me?  My hour has not yet come."  His mother said to the servers, "Do whatever he tells you."  Now there were six stone water jars there for Jewish ceremonial washings, each holding twenty to thirty gallons, Jesus told them, "Fill the jars with water".  So they filled them to the brim.  Then he told them, "Draw some out now and take it to the headwaiter."  So they took it.  And when the headwaiter tasted the water that had become wine, without knowing where it came from, the headwaiter called the bridegroom and said to him, "Everyone serves good wine first, and when people have drunk freely, an inferior one; but you have kept the good wine until now.  Jesus did this as the beginning of his signs in Cana in Galilee and so revealed his glory and his disciples began to believe him."

This account from the Gospel of John on Jesus's first public miracle is a refuge for me in scripture.  The Wedding at Cana is steeped in spiritual insight, humble grace, comfort of God's life changing mercy.  The Wedding at Cana is like a cake filled with layers of spiritual food and guidance.  It invites us to glimpse at Jesus as man and God - the bridge of humanity and divinity in God's revelation of Himself to us - fully human and fully divine.  The most striking aspect of the narrative is the petitions of Mary and her intercession in calling on her son, Our Lord, to answer the chaos and frustrations of the world in grace.  Mary's petitions and faith in her son at Cana are the WORD Incarnate's call for us to petition HIS mercy in prayer, while Mary also sums up the Christian foundation in her petition of faith: Do whatever He tells you.

During times of temporal lack, fear of loss, worry over finances, illness and dis-ease we are prone to anxiety.  In petitioning God in these times we often struggle with feelings of betrayal - as if God has not stepped up to our cause because our prayers are not being answered speedily and/or in the way we demand.  I am guilty of this.  I question, 'why can't you help me.'  Mary gives us the answer for prayer and supplication as well as trust in Jesus's infinite and constant mercy.  Christ never withholds HIS mercy from our souls - if we are not granted a petition - Christ draws us into drink, not the old wine of the flesh, but the new wine of HIS SPIRIT.  When petitioning Christ we must do so with the expectation of listening to HIS voice and doing what HE tells us to do.  In doing God's will, however we must never mistake complaining and lack of faith, with the act of faithful dialogue.

Dialogue - I chose this word because in prayer we are conversing with God.  In Christ we have direct access to God's grace.   To cross the bridge of grace we must be willing to have a conversation with God.  Dialogue is a conversation in faith - where we don't arbitrarily accept God's instruction without comprehension.  God wants us to be like Abraham and Mary, asking so we might perceive HIS clearly and willing to demand grace for those in desperate need - not because of our worthiness but because in faith we have a trust and knowledge of God's character of love and mercy - to not demand God give HIS true self to us is a corrupted form of dialogue and prayer.  

I believe that God wants us to dialogue with Him, turning all worry and hope over to His counsel.  God asks us at times, that we 'argue in faith' as Abraham did against Sodom or Mary does at Cana.  This dialogue is a pleading for mercy, a search for God's grace in action and conversation with discovering God's nature and moving through the darkness to embrace the light of His love, even in darkness.  I see this 'arguing in faith,' as a dialogue where the petitioner does not doubt God's infinite majesty or goodness, but through faith in the knowledge of God's love and justice cannot comprehend why God at times chooses to remain silent.  This arguing in faith demands God's countenance, not by our merit but knowledge of HIS grace and power.  Prayer draws us into a quest to perceive God's will and be an advocate of God's mercy in action.  God is love, God is mercy - if we follow God and love HIS being how can we in a Spirit of God not question when evil seems to have taken hold, or God seems far off from creation.  In this dialogue God helps us to perceive the forest for the trees, He invites us to empathy and hope in grace, as well as reminding us to trust that even in darkness - the smallest flicker of God's light is inexhaustible.  God is at work, even when He appears silent.  

Time and again I come to conversation with God about an issue, particularly darkness in the world both in my life and humanity that crushes the human spirit.  I demand action, help, hope in Christ.  , and in the process if we discover God will not act in the process, accepting that inaction (God always acts, He is always at work for our highest good, even if it seems at times God has betrayed us or let us down, God is at work for good, the world is the darkness - God is a light - sometimes we are just so blinded by the obstructive darkness we fail to follow the light of Christ - instead choosing ego over faith.

Mary shows us the weight of balance in trusting God's will through her son and also resilience in spirit to demand God's action, not by human merit, but Mary perceives God's love and goodness and knows that her son, Jesus is merciful and has the ability to give new life to the wedding party.  Mary does not try to test Christ, but rather acts in prayer, faith and trust.  'Do whatever he tells you."

How often do we fall into doubt when prayers seem unanswered - I get so bent into the pattern of exact petitioning that I fail to acknowledge opening doors in my life that are answers from God, answers of HIS will - and yet we get so blinded by our own periscope vision we fail to 'do whatever God tells us.' We get lost in details.  

Jesus's first statement: 

"Woman, how does your concern affect me?"  Seems cold and callous at first, but Christ is in dialogue with His Blessed Mother (and us).  God does not owe us anything by the law, in human perspective - broken by sin - we are not responsible for anyone but ourselves.  Jesus's statement sounds like a 21st century shrug - 'so what?' It is not - Jesus is fully aware of the parties needs before Mary addresses them...God through Christ however wants to hear about our troubles from us directly - so he can converse with us and help guide us - but when we are in dialogue with God we must submit to HIS will otherwise we will always run out of 'wine' - we will thirst - unable to obtain what we most desire - that which is God and HIS will.  Anything else will never fulfill us.  God wants communion with us, at times that means answering our petitions speedily by human impatient standards - other times, His time has not yet come - that does not mean God is not at work in mercy - but we need to see the long term picture - whether what we ask for will tear us apart from God or the timing is off, and we must patiently wait.

God invites us to dig into questions with Him through faith when prayers seem lost, that is why we must pray without ceasing and be willing to open our hearts to God's will - God always works through our prayers even in the darkest of night - we must trust the process and know that God's timing is always right.

God's propensity to mercy is shown in Christ agreeing to help His mother at Cana - while God is not bound by time, his very nature of mercy compels Him to act - so acknowledging God is acting on our behalf we can never tire even when we face persecution. God is at work through Christ and the Holy Spirit.

"On the third day, there is a wedding in Cana."  

While the Wedding at Cana is a historical event it also is a symbol of Christ's coming kingdom and Christ's church...contrasting the emptiness of the world to Christ's empty tomb in Resurrection Sunday.  The people of the feast need more than temporal sustenance, they require eternal life - a new wine that will sustain them.  In turning water into wine, Christ establishes himself as the new wine for humanity - a savior - if we drink the wine of Christ we find detachment from the world's darkness - the false life of material things is usurped by the bounty of the eternity of life in Christ.  

To transform our lives in Christ we must be willing to 'do whatever he tells you.'  We must forgo the 'wine of the world' and drink the wine of the Spirit, which is Christ.  I believe that the Eucharist is the embodiment of Christ's presence in the wafer and wine...when we come to communion we are breaking bread as they did at the Wedding at Cana and the Last Supper - willing to let the will of the flesh die and do the will of Jesus.

Symbolically this a precursor to Christ's symbolism as the bridegroom and church (which we are all one body in Christ) His bride and in that union - through Christ's life, death and resurrection we are one with Christ.

I will continue to write periodically on this passage, but below are a few key lessons.

Key Lessons:

- Never Give up Hope on Christ's action in your life, even in small affairs.  Jesus in asking 'Woman how does your concern affect me,' posits the depths of the spirit - we are so far from God - separated by sin - and yet we are God's business for God made us in His image, God formed us in the womb and Christ died for us.  

-God cares for our spiritual needs and temporal needs.  The Wedding at Cana provides both the temporal remedy of more wine for a wedding feast while also God's work of feeding us with spiritual food in the Holy Trinity.  

- Mary's example of how to pray and petition Christ: Ask and demand by the measure of God's mercy and do whatever God directs in the situation.  Continue to pray for discernment if God's answer is uncertain - petitioning unceasingly with praise and inquiry - without getting so boxed into repetition of 'I want' instead we must submit to 'God's will.'  Be willing to ask 'What is God's will?  Are we allowing personal ego to drive our view of what God's will is for us, either by barring entry to grace in times of suffering (suffer through in silence) or abandonment of God's call to sacrifice and empathy because our will is relying of the flesh?  

- What is the food we hunger for?  What do we thirst for?

- Jesus can take something empty and decaying and make us cleansed and whole (symbolism of stone water jars for ceremonial cleansing - we are only truly cleansed and fed in Christ)

- God's primary concern is for our souls.  God exists outside of time and space and thereby can have the perspective of how to answer our call.  God's seemingly lack of action on an issue may be something so far out of our perception we cannot currently understand God's will - we must trust that God is always at work in our lives through Christ and the Holy Spirit - Three in One. 

-Are we listening to God?  Are we so caught up in the expectation we forget to trust God, in turn submitting to worry - thus closing off ourselves to God's grace and direction.

Falling into God's Grace-Autumn Reflection

Fall is a time of renewal...a time of turbulence and peace...vibrant colors joyous in the wind song before yielding their leaves to the cold ground.  Skeleton trees haunt the remaining scene like ghosts communing with the clouds.  It is this bridge between life and death we find a peace in letting go.   We can savor the moment even if we know this transitory life is wasting away the years.  In fall we catch a glimpse of heaven's refining fire - able to surrender the pain, restlessness and desires of the flesh - to a life that is greater. 

Fall in North Carolina has always been my favorite season - its beauty a grace stirring imagination and reality.  The colors of reds, golden hues, burnt orange create a forest fire of life - a cycle of the spirit.  In the season of autumn, I find God's artistic hand and loving light in every strata of the scenery.  How can one not look at the blazing colors of a tree in autumn splendor and not recognize the artistry in the science and depth of creation.  

I fall into God's grace and strain in my weakness in fall.  I fall in love with Christ's sacrifice and demand my own need to cast down the expectations of my ego, in turn accepting at the crossroads of this season life and death - my will is a broken map - I fall into God's love and God's will, even if the road seems difficult and uncertain.

The autumn leaves are dying - in death they shine with the intensity of of life's brightest light, nothing can compare to the light of a leaf dying in October and November's changing of the guard - in dying they rise up and our spirits too are able to soar away from our self-centered routine - we are driven outside away from computers and deadlines into the brief rush of nature's spectacular art exposition. 

The first imagery I am drawn to is Christ, HIMSELF, His Glory shining in His Death on the cross, willing to submit to the Father's will and to sacrifice HIMSELF for us - able to remain rooted in God's will - able to trust that even in death, there is the hope of God's grace, the mercy of a resurrection.  Jesus was in the prime of his life when he was condemned to the cross - and yet it was a broken world that condemned HIS Spirit...By the world's standards Christ failed in dying, yet as the glorious colors of autumn leaves attest - in dying Christ conquered death - sin was broken.

We often question - why suffering occurs, why death and yet in nature we find death often yields life and in dying, life is born again.  The tree is not dead, the leaves are dying - the tree will reign as long as it is rooted in the ground, nourished by the soil.

Our roots must be in Christ and we must feed on the nourishment of the Holy Spirit and do the will of the Father.  I find the glory of fall leaves, the joy of letting go is when we let go of our own limited viewpoints - our worldly vision - and let God in.  Only then can we die from bad patterns and move forward....this transition is difficult because all we see is winter, suffering, disgrace and fear - yet God promises if we wait on HIM, His Spirit will renew us - a tree trusts that the leaves must fall and the season of life will be born again.

Christ's birth is coming again in Christmas and His Life, Death and Resurrection remains with us always - even when death seems to have won - darkness never triumphs, the tree still rises to meet the sun and the moon, rain and wind, grounded in faith of resurrection.  

In taking time to study the cycle of fall leaves, our hearts, minds and souls discover countless lessons. 

In the Garden of Eden we encounter two specific trees: The Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.  Fall as a season reminds us to seek God in creation and in our hearts humble ourselves to HIS glory.  I find metaphors for many aspects of the Genesis story in fall.

Adam and Eve fall from grace and yet in falling, God's mercy does not permit death to overtake life.  While it is easy to trust in the 'world' - turning onto the back of sin and our own way - in the end until we submit to knowing God's good we will become a skeleton tree who fell from glory and shall not rise.  God's judgment on sin and our need for humility is not an act of God playing power-monger - rather as we feast on God's roots of knowledge and HIS good we discover that only when we follow the perfect law of love and forgiveness and sow peace will life be abundantly lived.  

A tree in autumn is content to live in the cycle of life.  A tree's leaves are willing to die - showcasing their brightest and most unique attributes - trusting that it is time to let go of the decaying matter and rest in the trust that life will renew.  The leaves feed the ground and life continues in a rhythm so perfect and at times so simple that I can only see God's hand in the turning of leaves, to the dying trees, as the tree prepares for the sojourn of winter before resurrection.  

Until we let go of past bitterness, anger, frustration, hate, doubt - we cannot detach from the shadows, we are like a live person living in the frozen ground - unable to move forward, yet also unable to navigate the past.  We cannot grow, we start to die spiritually and physically.  Fall to me is a time of detachment from the world and a recognition of my meekness, the weaknesses of my heart and my inability of perception.  It is a time of quiet contemplation and arguing with myself - making peace with the person God wills me to be - the fire of the Holy Spirit burning with a refining fire - until the past is cleansed and I am made new in Christ.

Trees teach us so much about how to be in communion with God.  God is life, God is love and God is spirit and truth.  A tree is grounded by its roots.  It receives water from its roots and nutrients from the foundation of the earth as well as the sun.  The tree is perfectly grounded in the earth while constantly striving for heaven.

So must we aim to ground ourselves in the roots of Christ, and as the branches and leaves are not separate from the tree - so must we take our nourishment and faith from Our Father.  A branch cannot be self-reliant - it relies on the roots and tree system to survive.  

When we start to fall away from God we are branches without roots, unable to sustain ourselves spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally - we become dead wood.  We will fail to produce lasting fruit.  

Often times we fail to let our 'leaves' die and in turn allow God to renew our branches - we insist on holding onto things that separate us from God, resisting the HIS transforming power out of fear, ego, anxiety, greed...we each have a desire to control the roots - but we are the branches and a branch without a root system is unable to survive.  God's will is the best will for us and accepting HIS will is not a punishment or a restriction - I have come to discover that letting go of my expectations and in giving God free reign in my life has led to freedom and hope - I might not be able to partake in certain patterns - in time I find those patterns, though on the surface enjoyable - they held me back.

Trees understand when it is time to let go and give Glory to God in the process.  In dying they are born again, for a tree with a strong root structure - does not die will the winter - rather it waits and gathers - transforming itself in a new and marvelous turn of the seasons as spring arrives.

As we enter into Advent and the Christmas season we will be barraged by the stress of shopping frenzies, ad-campaigns, consumerism and more consumerism.  While I think shopping and holiday cheer is wonderful...may these final weeks of fall remind us of the simple graces of God's creation and that in detaching from the world we are not called to draw closer to God by earthly things - but we find God in the bounty of the Holy Spirit and the Gifts of God's grace and presence in our lives through the Holy Trinity.  

The trees die, leaving us a skeleton skyline, still richly beautiful as we are drawn to the heavens - nothing is more spectacular than a sunset - fire red - against barren trees lying in wait - in anticipation of life's cycle - never weary, but strong and steadfast in anticipation.  

Death on this earth does not have the final say if we remain rooted in God's grace through Jesus Christ.  While heaven and earth may pass away, the seasons change, scenery changes, life changes - God does not change and rooted in His Spirit as we detach from the investment in earthly things as our 'soul' proprietorship and instead let the creation of the earth draw us closer to the Creator, Our Father, we find that death does not conquer the soul and in Christ though we may die - our life shines brilliant as the autumn leaves, surpassing time - and we are born again to eternal life..a life not of decay and ash but of the promise of our coming Lord and the Resurrection.

May this season of anticipation, of mourning and thanksgiving - awaken in us anew the wonder of God in HIS Son Christ, the faith of endurance as we walk forward on our journey home.

54 Day Novena: Middlemarch

I am nearing the half-way point in the 54-Day Novena.  My petitions have yet to be granted still I prepare to thank God for answering my prayers.  Our anxious hearts search for God – questioning and demanding for His presence to be made known – in prayer God often does not shout to us or appear as a burning bush – God works HIS extraordinary grace in the fabric of life’s simplest wonders.  The gift I continue to receive from daily recitation of the rosary is the gift of God’s restoring peace amid the darkest storms of life.  Meditating on the mysteries of the rosary demands that I quiet my mind and my heart and let God in – not the testing restless spirit of anxious searching – the rosary allows us to quiet our hearts and be still.  It exercises are faith to not expect answers to every question – as much as the quiet resilient trust that God is with us.  Be still in God’s grace.

 

God is always with us – unfortunately so often we overlook HIS grace, his conversation as ordinary measures of coffee cups and hummingbirds.  We lose sight of the majesty and miracles surrounding us – we grasp at demands, hoping for which we can see-frustrated that God is not more visible – only to realize that God is always before our eyes – in the breath of the wind, in the harvest shower and rising sun, life is a symphony to God. 

 

When a person begins to pray – while we hunger for God – we often come to God with petitions, demands, and worries – God wants us to cast all our anxieties on The Holy Trinity – God wants to feed us with HIS Spirit – the problem with only focusing on petitionary prayer is we get so caught up in receiving answers to our prayers in a specific and often times miraculous way we fail to hear God’s voice – His call, and the cues directing us which way to go. 

 

The 54-Day Rosary helps to break down a soul from yearning for God to be an ends to a means to receive things of the world to bridging the gap from the material to the eternal Spirit of Christ and the power of that love.  We begin to reflect on the lessons of our life by studying Christ’s role as teacher, savior and author of creation – Christ’s holiest mysteries are fantastic miracles – yet many of the most poignant miracles are done in simple loving ways – God’s desire and purpose in our creation is for us to love HIM and in loving HIM we start to comprehend that while it is okay to desire the fruits of God’s creation – we must thirst for God.  If we don’t listen and trust to the still silent voice of God’s breath in our lives – we will never be satisfied and we will be faced in the agony of darkness.

 

I find that petitionary prayer, particularly in times of despair is closely akin to Christ’s Agony in the Garden.  He felt betrayed, hurt, fearful of death…the stress causing his sweat to become blood – Christ struggled at this point between the temporal fear based hunger of the worldly security that is passing before succumbing to HIS Father’s will.  Christ knows what it means to be desperate and hungry for God, Christ knows the temptation of wanting to seek comfort in the refuge of the world – but the world is an illusion – the comforts of the world cannot feed a man’s soul and the soul is the essence of man – it is the part we need to fill.

 

Petitioning for twenty-seven days in Rosary form forces us to examine the life of Christ and learn from His joys, sorrows and sufferings and triumph – in Christ we find ourselves both spiritually but also in the humanity of our flesh.  Christ’s life was full of all the complexity, hope, fear, anxiety and tragedy that defines the humanity of our experience on this earth – In Christ and through His disciples we are challenged with philosophical questions and psychology and spirituality – life is found in Christ because he lived and died as fully man and fully divine – and is our negotiator – a bridge from our humanity desiring God.

 

As you age you begin to truly grasp that life in this world is not fair – we are faced with famine, war, drought, flooding, natural disasters, terrorism and countless things to be fearful of.  Still Christ is with us and we should not be afraid.  In the flesh it is easy to question how God can exist so silently when people are starving and crime is rampant – still God is moving through us – in us and for us.  God is always present, always active, always listening – the question is what are we doing for God – are we listening? 

 

I find that the rosary takes the focus off me and puts the focus back on God.  That is not to say God doesn’t want us to talk to Him about our issues – He does – but if we start using God as our punching bag we fail to hear His advice.

 

I’m in a situation now I’m desperate to escape (work-related) and yet every opportunity to leave ends up being a dead end – I have questioned ‘why God’ paradoxically feeling guilty for my frustration because I know others are hurting – and that is a balance we need to question and explore.  God wants to answer our prayers – but he sees the big picture.  Sometimes that means moving people and opportunities into place to ensure the BEST solution.  That is why we can never give up on God when we pray…and the Rosary forces us to look inward to God. In purging ourselves in prayer we discover far greater graces that the gold we sought in our first petition...so when God reveals His answer we know it with trust and may we trust God's action even when it appears invisible to the limits of human sight.

 

Twenty-seven days of Thanksgiving in the Rosary also demands we fully turn over our suffering and worry to God’s care…knowing that even in the darkest of nights – God’s light will ignite the dawn and His stars guide us home.