Dark Nights Restore the Soul

There comes a point in the dark night of the soul you cry out and there is dead silence.  You straddle between faith and doubt, questioning 'why me,' 'where are you Lord,' 'do you hear my prayer,' 'Help me.'  When the silence reverberates across the galaxies your soul starts to turn to reason - demanding evidence and miracles, doubt plays its tricky hand - the tools of reason, critical thinking, faith, intuition, hope, patience, mercy and trust become corrupted, bent out of shape - lost in a seemingly endless sky - it is a battlefield like a black hole cancer in the heart - it is the testing of fire, drought, aphotic darkness.  The Aphotic zone is one of the darkest areas of earth, it is the portion of a lake or ocean where there is little or no sunlight.  It is formally defined as the depths beyond which less than 1% of sunlight penetrates.  Bioluminescence is essentially the only light found in this zone.  Most food comes from dead organisms sinking to the bottom of the lake or ocean.


Just take a moment to imagine that light less state.  Feel the gravity, the tension, the fear - then remember even in the deepest and darkest caverns of the earth God is at work.  Nature shows us this time and again.  In a cave the microscopic bacteria to unique cavern deep dark dwelling species lurking into the hole of the earth - live - they live by light in darkness.  The entire chain of life depends on the dim light of the outer world - sometimes that light is passed down through dead organisms - life exists and God cares for life even at the darkest depths.

We are people who rely on the clock like an hourglass in hyper drive.  I have a Type A personality with a laid back approach too - it is the INFJ disposition - I am strongly empathetic to the point I get physically ill when horrible things happen to others and I want justice and want to fight for justice.  There is a place for us to be advocates through Christ and activists in His name, but as humans we also have the flawed tendency of immediacy and not seeing the macro-picture.  Why delay when we need help now - we are suffering?  God is not ignorant or uncaring about our suffering, but his time is always the right time - the dark night of the soul reminds us of Christ's suffering on the cross; it tests and refines our character, building deep roots - strengthening our empathy and compassion and incites us to action and patience - yes the two though paradoxical can work as one.

The past thirteen years (really twenty five years)  have been hard.  I was forsaken by my biological father and my family shunned me and my mom because of their selfish aims (estate issues).  At first I was content to walk away because I knew the toxic energy involved, I trusted God, but after my own dreams and hopes seemed to burn and crash - though I did not lose hope in HIS salvation I doubted myself worth - I started listening to the negative energy of the world - instead of seeking to heal in the positive light of Christ.  In grieving we must face our anger and wrestle with it as Jacob wrestled with an Angel in the desert - Jesus had to use all his human will to fend off the temptation of Satan in the desert - for even though Jesus is God - he was man - hungry, alone, and dealing with the battles to come - Jesus even cries out to God on the cross 'My God, My God' why have you forsaken me.'  In truth sometimes we need to let the hurt and despair die so we can start again, fresh with God's grace.  That doesn't mean we don't take the healthy lessons that refined our soul in trial, but the anger does not bind us and the shame does not hold us.

God has always granted me a strong faith, but I have wrestled with trying to understand why so many people betrayed me.  I started to internalize the shame of my oppressors - feeling worthless, alone and resting only on the hope of salvation. I questioned the value of my life...but God loves us and has a purpose for us in this life.  When we are in a difficult situation we need to pray to HIM for guidance and when our prayers are not answered don't take it as rejection, but that God has a mission and you are worthy of it because you are chosen - even in your sin, you can walk HIS path in love and in trial be set by the fire of the Holy Spirit.  God knows what it means to suffer and never causes us harm - even against the evil of the world he uses trial to spark light.  One tiny splinter of light diffuses an entire night of darkness.  If we only keep the lamp dimly lit and pray for God to guide us he will.  Christ is with us and is our advocate.

I am in the planning stages of writing a novel inspired by the trials in my life - it is a psychological and spiritual novel, which I hope will help others in their journey out of the world's shame into God's loving hands.  One episode about my confusion with God was that I keep trying to get justice from someone who emotionally and physically harmed and deprived me and left me destitute.  I begged her and pleaded, I hoped and prayed - I dwelt on it and schemed about justice - not revenge - I never have wished that on her, but justice in receiving payment (tuition money) due.  She never wrote me back.  I was told by an intuitive friend of deep faith that this person was pure dark energy - seeking to break and crash my happiness - I needed to let go and realize some justice does not come in this life and that is okay.  I then became desperate because I thought I needed the money - I panicked, I allowed fear to guide me.  I did not understand why God would not fix this wrong.  Every time I had prayed to God in the past he always has given me some intuitive direction or physical manifestation to help move forward.  I trust God and knew him to be my FATHER.  It drove me crazy - I did not understand why God was helping me - this wasn't just a no, but a slam on the door, I am NEVER answering this - so I tried to make it happen on my own - sending hundreds of letters and petitions to my abuser begging for restitution - deaf ears.

It took nearly a decade to realize God was answering my pray by not answering my request because although he new my suffering heart and weeps for the pain and void from loss love of family he knows that the way to fix that void wasn't by communing and interacting with the oppressor - it was by completely cutting the cord of oppression and having NO CONTACT.  God will provide, but when we start to get so caught up on our goals we lose sight of God's plan we will start to fall into darkness and doubt.

God wanted me to be independent - to completely lean on him - his healing is the cure - not getting an apology or check from the oppressor.  My abusers shamed me with wanting to go to college and also were very manipulative about money and made me feel unworthy of all material possession.  When I say material - I'm not talking about materialism but I'm talking about food, clothes, a normal standard of living in security.  Sometimes the world steals these from us.  Darkness tries to steal light, but it never will blind the light - because light dwells in all of creation because God is with us - who can be against us.

Coming back to ground zero of the abuse and facing some demons - it took a lot of fight to work my way past the anger and my own feelings of worthlessness - yet God shows me HIS love.  Christ is my advocate - 'if the world hates you, it hated me first.' God loves us and we are precious in our sight.

In dark nights of the soul, realize you are in a battle - temporal and harsh, but don't lose sight of the water that sustains your thirst - God's cup is always ready for you to drink out of - the Living Waters of the Holy Spirit with guide and protect you, sustaining you in the fight - it is not an easy road.  Faith can move mountains, sometimes faith means climbing uphill to reach the summit with gravity holding you down.  Climbing mountains is a strengthening of faith, character and resilience.

In the past week I have begun to ask forgiveness for those who harmed me - more importantly I am turning over the hurt, pain and shattered glass I am clutching to God.  I have asked Christ to heal my wounds and the Holy Spirit to guide me.  I know angels are close.  Instead of being paralyzed by the pain, I have found strength in it.  I want to write books and pursue psychology so I can help nurture others as they venture on their own healing journeys.  Forgiveness is not a one stop process - perhaps when Jesus tells Peter you must forgive seventy times seven - he means it literally as well as metaphorically because with each layer of hurt in a failed relationship you break through a new residue of anger and doubt you must scrap up - in the scrapping of the soul it is painful - leaving scars - Christ knows that forgiveness sometimes has to be a hard road because when we face our trials and reflect on them through HIS lens we not only remove the pain but our soul's void his filled with the light of HIS love.

While at the beach recently I heard the words Job 42:10 pop into my mind.  Trusting my intuition I did an online search for the verse:
¹⁰ And the Lord restored the fortunes of Job, when he had prayed for his friends. And the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before.

Job's 'friends' were really enemies who undermined and mocked him - God knew Job was righteous but it took Job releasing the hold of mockers and showing love to his friends when God restored Job, because only then could God fill the void of loss with redemptive care.  

I also have prayed the Hail Mary prayer.  I am not Catholic, but Anglican - but I find praying this helps calm me because I know that Mary as mother of Jesus faced many adversities as a servant of God.  She worried about the wine at Cana and Jesus told her - it is not yet my time - still he answered her petition - she cared for her son as a child - as any mother would and as the Messiah, God loves us as his children and wants us to come to him in our darkness.  In our humility he makes us strong in wisdom and hope.  

Although I hope the financial burdens incurred by my family will be restored in abundance with God's will - providing me with income to regain some of what was lost, I know the material is nothing compared to God's LOVE - Christ is always at work and we must pray to HIM, ask for healing, forgiveness...where their is pain sow love and compassion as Christ love us.  No prayer is too much for HIM and if the prayer is not answered trust HIS time is the right time. 

Remember God wants you to love this life, not through material focus (of course it is okay to enjoy and treat yourself, but don't let greed and love of money bind you), but through spiritual renewal, pursuing your God-given passions/talents to help others and to fill your soul with the HOLY Trinity

Remember we are all ADOPTED as children of God the Father with Christ our advocate and redeemer and the Holy Spirit within us - as a guide.  3 in 1...we have a heavenly Father and HE loves us.  A minister once told me that to be adopted in Roman times meant full inclusion as heir in a household - How amazing to know that God is not only master of the universe, but our parent, friend, advocate and redeemer - he lives and calls us to life through HIM

Planting Seeds - Cultivating a Relationship with Christ

 Lent is a desert season in faith.  I often write about the necessity of the desert metaphor in refining our soul and humbling us towards God's will, and the abundant life of Christ.  Lent is a time of deep rejection where the roots of our faith take root.  It does not take a lot of faith to sow love in Christ, he tells us it takes the faith of a mustard seed - the smallest of the seeds to cultivate a relationship with the Father.  It is one thing to plant a seed and another for it to grow beyond the bulb and shoots, into something as sturdy as an olive tree, ancient as a life oak and resilience as Ponderosa Pine.

Have you ever been so moved by passion for an activity or venture that you put every fiber of your being into it before you find you are burnt out, your energy is spent and you cannot stand the task you once loved anymore...you shrivel up and give up the seed.  I have done this with jobs before because I have a strong work ethic and want to offer service and support but when my services are taken advantage of, or I've worked myself to the bone without rest - I am so overwhelmed I don't want to continue on that journey.  I am often too stubborn to stop and that of course leads to resentment.

A Christian life needs to be planted in love and patience.  You need to be eager and daring, ready and willing, but you also need to cultivate the relationship and growth slowly and with pure intention, savor each lesson of faith, apply it to your life, be willing to faith and to doubt, but come back willingly to God.  A Ponderosa survives the wrath of a pine beetle by self defense and staying healthy - sun, water and nurturing awareness of its environment.  A mustard seed grows into something strong because it develops strength from weakness, a willingness to learn, to be humble to trust.

 He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you. Luke 17:6

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20

 

Sometimes faith is recognizing our doubt and crying out to the LORD for nourishment.  The Israelites wandered in the desert complaining about the lack, when in truth's God's provision was always before them in Manna and water at Meribah did spring forth.  God knows our limits, but his love through Christ is limitless and his paths always make our crooked feet straight, if we ask and trust.  He commands us to use reason and faith, meaning there are times we allow our personal desires to interfere with discernment of God's will - so he wants us to think - to engage - to question and to come to him as little children - questions and fears, hope and shelter, love and wonder.  Think of Abraham, Sarah, Leah, Rachel, Moses, Elijah - they are people of faith who prayed their doubts and God helped them have more faith - Jesus loves us - his love moves mountains - more importantly HIS love can give us the power to climb them in pursuit of serving HIS will.

When you doubt - pray to Jesus - explain for fears and ask for faith.  Jesus wants a relationship with us.  We have free will so he cannot force us to accept the nurturing care of His Spirit and counsel, but if we ask - his mercy is given.  We must trust in tests and trials as the fire to heal the spirit, for while the body may ache if the soul remains planted in Christ - you wills survive the fire.  I turn again to a Ponderosa because the Ponderosa is a tree plagued by fire, yet it lets go of its trunk in the flames, faithfully releasing seeds, in the promise they will grow into another stronger forest.  An Aspen is rooted to an entire network, if one tree falls they all break, but the system remains a community of strength in the fire.  The church must be a quaking aspen - a community in which each member of the body might be a sinner, but is healed in the love of Christ and each community member is in relationship with others - helping and lifting up.

Christ wants us to seek HIS Kingdom, but HIS kingdom is not only about a free pass to heaven  - it is about learning to live well on earth - living well is being in fellowship and good communion with humanity and the natural environment - acting in love and not with selfish intent, sacrificing your desires for the needs of the other.

In scripture we are shown in the Gospels the need of our healing action in Christ's ministry - even Jesus - God incarnate, needed man to help him carry the burden of the cross as he trudged faithfully to Cavalry - he allowed himself to be humbled on earth so that we might serve him in the humility and learn to show empathy for our fellow man.  Bishop Michael Curry says the antithesis of love is not hate, but selfishness.

Think about planting again...you have a garden - if you only tend for one plant it might shoot up and grow strong for a while, but if the rest of the garden dies (a farm is an even better example) the soil is tattered and life fails.  We must choose live in active ministry and love.  We must listen to God's will in the Holy Spirit and pray for intution.

In Lent it is easy to focus only on the suffering - suffering is horrible - suffering is something that tears at the soul, makes us question our faith and humanity and give up.  Remember suffering yield joy in the risen Christ, suffering also refines our faith - not because enduring suffering is right - but because in our humility we turn to God.  The lesson in suffering is not to get stuck in quicksand paralyzed by fear, but in courage reach out in prayer to God - the Trinity will guide you.  Sometimes their rescue attempts and highway signs might confuse us because we don't want life to go in a certain direction - it is then we need to joyfully accept suffering because God is leading us through fire to become stronger and able to serve him.  God is only love - any suffering we endure is not from God's hand but the condition of evil, yet even in darkness, God's light is a beacon that teaches and guides and helps heal wounds in all time and place. 

The Parable of the Sower - Mark 4

4 Again Jesus began to teach by the lake. The crowd that gathered around him was so large that he got into a boat and sat in it out on the lake, while all the people were along the shore at the water’s edge. ² He taught them many things by parables, and in his teaching said: ³ “Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. ⁴ As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. ⁵ Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. ⁶ But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. ⁷ Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. ⁸ Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, some multiplying thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times.”

Hail Mary Full of Grace

Mary's Song of Praise: The Magnificat

⁴⁶ And Mary said,

“My soul magnifies the Lord,
⁴⁷     and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
⁴⁸ for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant.
    For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed;
⁴⁹ for he who is mighty has done great things for me,
    and holy is his name.
⁵⁰ And his mercy is for those who fear him
    from generation to generation.
⁵¹ He has shown strength with his arm;
    he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts;
⁵² he has brought down the mighty from their thrones
    and exalted those of humble estate;
⁵³ he has filled the hungry with good things,
    and the rich he has sent away empty.
⁵⁴ He has helped his servant Israel,
    in remembrance of his mercy,
⁵⁵ as he spoke to our fathers,
    to Abraham and to his offspring forever.”

This passage from Luke is one of the most reassuring testaments in the Bible.  Mary is a young, unwed (engaged) woman who is called into the unbelievable task of carrying God incarnate - in a Virgin birth...most of us would run, debate and mock God for calling us from our lives to serve him in such sacrifice.  Even Moses, a man of great faith, questioned God's will - Abraham cried out to the Lord - yet Mary accepts her mission - she is given a choice and joyfully ponders God's will and accepts it with a pure and willing heart.  She views doing God's will as a blessing, not as a sacrifice but as a gift.  She has to endure horrible pain - to witness your son crucified - but that sorrow is filled with joy.  

God never gives us more than we can handle if we are willing to lean on HIS Spirit and Christ for understanding.  God is willing to guide us...even when he is silent God is at work.  God's seemingly abandonment of His Son, Jesus on the cross must have spurred people on the ground Jesus's crucifixion to dismiss God, yet God used suffering to heal the world and to glorify HIS name.  The world calls us to jealousy, selfishness, anxiety, prejudice and hate.  God calls us to faith, hope, love, compassion, giving ourselves for the selfless love of other.The world is the material world, not in sync with God - I do not refer to the natural scenery and the earth - God is present in creation and even the roughest ground belongs to God.   When God calls us to HIS work, it is not easy, it is not being crowned with jewels and living high on the hog for the sake of the world...God's call is hard, but it is hardship that joyfully transforms us and helps to heal the world.  The Holy Spirit is God's vessel within our soul - if we pray to the Holy Spirit for guidance and learn to trust in the Spirit of God as Mary did and not the clatter of the world we will find peace and be active citizens of Christ on earth and in heaven.

Salvation is a prize, a grace bestowed through Christ's suffering.  Remember being a Christian is not an easy road, but it is not a sacrifice for the ego, but one of love and understanding in the macro picture The Holy Trinity provides.

Mary had hardship - carrying a child as a Virgin and being judged by the community, called a liar, forced to have a child anointed as the Messiah in a barn...she loved her son as flesh - caring for Jesus not in sole adoration as God, but as a child - as a mother who loves a son - that is a powerful thing, because Mary did this out of glory for God - a mother's love is said to be the greatest love on earth...Mary's love is a reflection of her faith and character.  She worried when Jesus disappeared, later found in the temple, she fretted over wine at the wedding - reminding us that she is human and had fears and worries - yet her faith provided her the perspective to see a way forward.  Even when she witnessed the most excruciating pain of humanity - seeing her son be crucified, rejected and hated by men - Mary did not lose faith - she wept - but her love remained strong.  Love revealed in Mary is a reflection of the bridge of divine love and human love - the love that bears us to weep and hope - God is close to our hearts - his spirit fills us.

I am an Episcopalian but I admire Mary as Mother of Christ, her human element and love beyond measure is an example for us to follow.  Jesus loved his mother dearly.  Mary had Joseph and emphasizes the importance of family, but when Joseph died, Mary also had to trust in faith in difficult circumstances as a single mother.  Mary is someone we can relate to and someone we can mold our faith around.  I pray the Magnificat often - The Song of Mary speaks to Christian faith and our hope and fears as we humbly approach God.  Christ is our advocate and Mary as his mother helps to guide us in example of faith as a vision of hope and reassurance that hardship is not cause to doubt, but an open door to seeing God at work in the world, for God suffered to heal...joy is found in unexpected circumstances...we must always be ready to heed God's call...God calls the weak to his strength.  Don't deny the call because of fear...God binds our wounds and Christ strengthens us

Living waters

"Jesus was standing there, he cried out, "Let anyone who is thirsty come to me, and let the one who believes in me drink. As the scripture has said, 'Out of the believer's heart shall flow rivers of living water.'" Now he said this about the Spirit, which believers in him were to receive; for as yet there was no Spirit, because Jesus was not yet glorified" John 7:37-38

As I follow the daily verses in my Lenten Journey I continue to perceive more wisdom in scripture and how it can be applied to my spiritual and physical life.  God is with us - who can be against us.  We put up so many barriers to allowing the Holy Spirit to work in our lives and guide us in God's will.  We let fear and worldly worries obstruct our relationship with Jesus.  How often do we believe, yet in the same sentence doubt and latch onto our unworthiness.  I often neglect to pray about from suffering and worries to God under the assumption it is my job to solve my mess and God doesn't have time to help me with worldly matters.  Nothing can be farther from the truth!  God loves us and sent HIS only Son Jesus Christ, the incarnate God, to live, walk actively on earth, ministering to our physical and spiritual needs.  Christ suffered and felt loss, worry, fear, and even doubt - but his faith and love of the Father, and trust in the Holy Spirit sustained Christ on HIS mission.  Christ came with the purpose to preach salvation and to die on the cross to forgive us from sins, but more importantly he came to teach us to embrace an abundant life in God's love and called us to a higher purpose on earth, a purpose where our ego and fear does not prop us up in the facade of ivory towers against crumbling walls.  You can preach and do all the moves to act like a Christian but it takes a spirit of joy and change and a will to love in grace through works in commune with the Holy Trinity. 

God is with us.  Christ's message and purpose is salvation and living life abundantly.  If we live in the abundance life of Christ, we accept the gift of the Holy Spirit and are moved to action on a journey like a river...

Water has been on my mind as I spend the final hours of my sojourn at Wrightsville Beach.  The ocean is so strong and powerful, recklessly rising and crashing, but it flows and moves in a rhythm, the sea is a heartbeat.  Today I witnessed the hand of God's life in the water, the rise and fall of the waves, the ebb and flow of sand and shells, the glimmer and gray.  Being a Christian does not mean our road will be easy - you will be persecuted, suffer against the worldly tide, but God's tides is a different beat - a beat of perpetual motion and grace - stillness out of chaos.  When we approach the Living Waters we begin to recognize the SPIRIT of Christ in even turbulent waters.  Christ is an ark, God is a mover who sometimes places us in storms so we are forced to turn away from worldly desire and submit ourselves to HIS will - not submission as a desperate act with no roots - rather turning to God's Spirit in a reconciliation and recognition of HIS grace and the necessity of his active work in our lives.  We are not an island.  An example of this is when I kept putting off moving because I did not think I could afford a car.  I assumed God did not want me to have a car - well for 3 of the 4 years I think God did give me the message through the Holy Spirit - be patient you don't need a car - use the bus and walk - but then I used that as a crux so I blocked signals and messages from the Spirit.  God is movement, the Spirit is a water that can cleanse, Christ quenches our thirst

The water may flood and swell, constrict and dry in the sun, yet in ice and drought it flows, cutting and twisting, trusting that life is ever moving and God is ever present.

My lesson I remind myself as I stand on the edge of the ocean...let the tide carry my worries out to sea God, may you flow abundant love and instruct me in your divine purpose in my life.  My I continue to emulate your waters, peace in perpetual motion, journeying and cleansing, cutting and carving always at work, while content in the knowledge of your peace.

God is working before us, Christ is beside us, The Holy Spirit is within us...The Holy Trinity is working behind the scenes, but God expects us to participate - to ask for help and to accept his guidance. 

I pray God, guide me in your ways and orchestrate a rhythm in my soul to hear your song and follow the spirit to my advocate in Christ.  May I cleanse my tarnished soul and offer love and light to others wherever I go, guided by your love and always full and ready to give our your spirit to those in need as I drink our your cup and sacred river of life in the Holy Spirit you have given to rest and actively work in our heart, mind and soul.  I can write a thesis on the importance of water - how it fuels our agriculture and thousands of species, birds and provides important functions on our planet - all of this is just a small reflection of the infinite love and active abundance of God's Living Waters.  Drink from God's Cup in the Holy Spirit and Christ's loving care - and even in desert times you will never thirst.

Peace in Crashing Waves

Peace, I found it today in the cracked sea shells scattered like a lost mosaic regurgitated during a sea storm.  The sand is coarse, the waves crash and rise, persistent and tumultuous, peace in unrest.  It seems to be a paradox, but when you stand in the natural world, and really tune into the earth you see the fine tuned rhythm of taking trial in stride and how suffering and storms of life can leave a legacy of something beautiful.  How can there be such a peace in the restless rage of the ocean, God yields peace and love in the harshest of circumstances.  Looking out at the ocean I think about Noah and the Ark.  Every major culture has an origin myth tied to a great flood - the historian in me takes this as testament that as the nations disseminated the story of a horrible earth shattering flood nearly destroyed mankind, but out of the storm is a dove and the spirit of God's grace in the rainbow arc.  It is hard to fathom how destroying forces in nature can be a force of good, but storms provide moisture and fires strengthen a forest.  It is our duty to respect God's natural wonders and see his work in the world around us.  In the season of lent we are in a desert time, a time of fasting and anticipation of death, pain, betrayal and torture, yet out of death God brings life.  God is not actively insouciant to our suffering.  Deists believe God created the universe and let it be a time clock, not interfering in earthly matters...I beg to differ, God is active in everything around us from the crashing ocean waves to beauty of a sunrise and in our suffering he is there to mend us in spirit.  God's priorities are not our priorities - he prizes protecting our soul and making sure we are good to one another - walking in love.  He does care about our material sustenance, but that is not what life is about - life is about love and giving yourself to God's will and the spirit of love, compassion and discernment in the Holy Spirit.  Christ died for salvation, that is grace, but we are in a relationship with the Holy Trinity - God expects us to do his will and trust him even in choppy waters...

My thoughts turn to Jesus and the disciples during the storm on the Sea of Galilee - he slept while they worried and panicked - Christ calms storms - Christ works in suffering and it is our duty to help the needs of those who suffer through active love.

The verse of the day in the lectionary comes from Jeremiah:
Amend your ways and your doings, and let me dwell with you in this place. Do not trust in these deceptive words: "This is the temple of the LORD, the temple of the LORD, the temple of the LORD." For if you truly amend your ways and your doings, if you truly act justly one with another, if you do not oppress the alien, the orphan, and the widow, or shed innocent blood in this place, and if you do not go after other gods to your own hurt, then I will dwell with you in this place, in the land that I gave of old to your ancestors forever and ever.

When we turn to focus on the hate, anger and selfishness of disaster and chaos, getting caught up in materialism and temporal ideology we lose sight of the macro picture - Christ wants us to focus on living on earth as much as salvation in heaven, he wants us to cherish this life.  If life were not important on earth then God would not have sacrificed his only son for our life in this realm and the next.  What we need to realize is Christ wants us to flip the world upside down by living in accordance to the Father's will - sometimes that is foreign to us - we don't want to pay for another man's burdens - God did pay for ours...When someone is suffering it is our duty to lift them up in love, to offer a shoulder to cry on, a prayer, a meal and investment in community.

In our polarized world, where hate and ideology is running rampant we need to listen to Jeremiah's words and Christ's message (below) more than ever - If you want to give up something during Lent - give up worrying about material and actively focusing on people over things, love instead of hate and community in balance with self.  I am relearning these lessons every day.  I have been an orphan abandoned, I have been an alien and stranger...it was the hearts of light - filled with the Holy Spirit that helped me - not for a ticket to heaven but because they were so overcome with the Holy Spirit they did Christ's will naturally because love gives the giver a sense of joy and fulfillment - love is abundant


If Jesus was in trouble, alone and in need would we tend him with the loving care he lays down for us?

John 7:
hen Jesus answered them, "My teaching is not mine but his who sent me. Anyone who resolves to do the will of God will know whether the teaching is from God or whether I am speaking on my own. Those who speak on their own seek their own glory; but the one who seeks the glory of him who sent him is true, and there is nothing false in him

Desert Soul

It has been over a year since I have posted on This Side of Paradise, not for lack of desire as much of lack of time, focus and all the minutia that we get caught up in day to day. In the past year I have trusted and quarreled with God as I have journeyed thousands of miles from Montana through Idaho to Utah and Arizona, NM to Texas, Tennessee and finally home to my native state of North Carolina.  In the past year I have faced challenges and experienced paradise in motion.  In Utah, camping in nineteen degree temps in Zion National Park, rising with the orange sun against the silver moon in the darkness of the canyon - I experienced my humble meekness and the might and power of God.  In Zion, Bryce and the Grand Canyon National Parks I discovered beauty in hardship, suffering as a kindling spark that is a necessary journey to wondrous peace.  In the past year I have discovered peace in suffering, beauty in ordinary and extraordinary places and the silent but willful hand of God is ever present - even when he seems to have disappeared from our lives when we SCREAM OUT - My God, My God.  God is with us, Jesus endured these trials and could see the miraculous in even the lowliest of places, while beckoning us in faith to perceive life beyond our peripheral vision - Faith is a bridge of trust and assurance.  I'm a reckless sinner when it comes to balancing faith and doubt.  I love God beyond measure and TRUST in HIM, but fear paralyzes my soul - I feel shame and fear and lack...lack of money, lack of hope and I can only see the negative...I will get into some issues that have plagued me emotionally this year - mostly related to reaching the dregs of long buried emotions and having to face the stark reality of abandonment and buried abuse from my childhood.  I know God wants me to recognize the pain so I can regain my independence and not to feel the shame that binds me but rather accept his GRACE and LOVE and move forward.  It is a process.

I was praying to God tonight.  I'm in Wilmington for a weekend and it is such a blessing to have two days out of the concrete jungle I'm marching in like an ant who is stuck in the molehill.  I stare at the ocean and hear the roar and imagine God's breath.  I am begging God for LIGHT for provision for SAFETY and SECURITY as I'm praying I hear a voice ever faint but strong in my mind saying: Blog about Psalm 118:14.  So I am.

12They swarmed around me like bees,

but they were consumed as quickly as burning thorns;

in the name of the Lord I cut them down.

13I was pushed back and about to fall,

but the Lord helped me.

14The Lord is my strength and my defense^a ;

he has become my salvation.

15Shouts of joy and victory

resound in the tents of the righteous:

“The Lord’s right hand has done mighty things!

16The Lord’s right hand is lifted high;

the Lord’s right hand has done mighty things!”

17I will not die but live,

and will proclaim what the Lord has done.

I did not know this verse by heart so I had to look it up online.  As I read each line I am astounded by God's promise of provision and undying hope.  My enemies have swarmed me like bees and the sting and scars has nearly left me crippled, I feel like giving up but in this verse I read how even in our darkest moments God is with us - he hears our prayers and has a plan we must actively seek him and trust HIM and pray for help...will all answers be given  no but there will be HOPE and HOPE in God is more than cookie teller fortunes printed on mass paper.  HOPE in God is a LIVING HOPE.  God has plans for me, God loves me and God Heals.

I am currently on a writing journey to edit my novels, find a publisher and continue writing.  My trial and faith through fire beckons me to write entries that help other people to grow in faith and focus on psychology.  I am writing a book about my own journey of healing - healing starts with God because love and light negate negativity.  If you love in pain, you have love, and light in the darkness to see the way out...even if the path is not clear you know God's light will not hide in your heart.  So tune out the material noise and tune into God...this sounds cliche but driving down desert highways with a broken fender and no cell service in Arizona I kept thinking, it is so beautiful, God I hope I don't die out here..."I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done."  God is the ultimate 'repairman' - we might not like the pieces of jigsaw we see at first but in the end God's will is the right path and we need to let down our ego and negative thought patterns and embrace HIS healing power.  Sometimes faith means being willing to take a fork in the road and bend and break with the tread, crashing with the waves knowing it sometimes takes a storm to feed a desert soul.

Light of Revelation: Candlemas

"Lord, you now have set your servant free to go in peace as you have promised; For these eyes of mine have seen the Savior, whom you have prepared for all the world to see: A Light to enlighten the nations, and the glory of your people Israel." Luke 2:29-32

February 2, The Feast of Candlemas, celebrates the Presentation of the Lord at the Temple. 

The Gospel of Luke accounts the presentation, telling us that Mary and Joseph took the baby Jesus to the Temple in Jerusalem forty days after his birth to complete Mary's ritual purification and to perform the redemption of the firstborn, outlined in the Law of Moses:

Exodus 13:12-15
¹² you are to give over to the Lord the first offspring of every womb. All the firstborn males of your livestock belong to the Lord. ¹³ Redeem with a lamb every firstborn donkey, but if you do not redeem it, break its neck. Redeem every firstborn among your sons.
¹⁴ “In days to come, when your son asks you, ‘What does this mean?’ say to him, ‘With a mighty hand the Lord brought us out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. ¹⁵ When Pharaoh stubbornly refused to let us go, the Lord killed the firstborn of both people and animals in Egypt. This is why I sacrifice to the Lord the first male offspring of every womb and redeem each of my firstborn sons.’

Leviticus 12:8
⁸ But if she cannot afford a lamb, she is to bring two doves or two young pigeons, one for a burnt offering and the other for a sin offering. In this way the priest will make atonement for her, and she will be clean.’”


Luke 2: 22-24: When the time came for the purification rites required by the Law of Moses, Joseph and Mary took him to Jerusalem to present him to the Lord ²³ (as it is written in the Law of the Lord, “Every firstborn male is to be consecrated to the Lord”^[b]), ²⁴ and to offer a sacrifice in keeping with what is said in the Law of the Lord: “a pair of doves or two young pigeons.”^[c]
Luke states that Mary and Joseph take the option provided for those in poverty who cannot afford a lamb.  By the law they instead offer a pair of turtledoves.  Doves are symbolic of peace.  They are gracious creatures throughout cultures because they mate for life and have a gentle disposition.  A dove is used in the account of the Flood, alerting Noah, returning for food when it is still not safe to go forth into the world, its failure to return is a signal that life can once again live in safety on the earth.  It is a dove that descends on Jesus at his baptism, God announcing 'This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased.' 

The fact the son of God, Jesus the newborn Messiah is impoverished in worldly wealth, is an active reminder that God does not discriminate on material, rather the intent of a sacrifice and our confession of repentance.  We see this with Cain and Abel - the heart's pure intent of a sacrifice and act of contrition is more important than the sacrifice (i.e., lamb or doves);  Christ is a perfect sacrifice because he loved his Father and followed the law with pure intent.  God through Christ shows his ceaseless love for all his creatures from the meek, weak to the strong and powerful.  Mary and Joseph accepted the task of following God, raising the Messiah, even though they faced poverty and isolation from the comforts of the world.  God's grace is more secure than the tangible material wealth. 

Redemption comes from God's grace and Christ's sacrifice. The redemption in the presentation of the Temple is a representation of the saving power that God granted the Hebrews in Egypt, Egypt - suffering, testing, strife and desperate hope that only God grants. 'Out of Egypt I have called my son.'  It can also be reflected in Abraham's call to sacrifice Isaac and God's door to redemption, God providing the sacrifice of a lamb.  The active truths and symbolism in this passage uncover many paths of light, a way forward, an recognition of God's grace, spiritual truths, relevant to our own lives.


³⁹ When Joseph and Mary had done everything required by the Law of the Lord, they returned to Galilee to their own town of Nazareth. ⁴⁰ And the child grew and became strong; he was filled with wisdom, and the grace of God was on him.

The Holy Family, Mary and Joseph as parents of the baby Jesus do everything by the letter of the law.  Their acknowledgment of God's law is not based on arbitrary actions, tradition, but an active faith and diligence to serve God. 

Jesus did not come to abolish the law, rather to fulfill it.  Christ dying on the cross to save us from sins is an act of grace, but to accept grace we must acknowledge our sins and the law.  The law is a representation of God's will, we will miss the mark, prone to sin, that is where grace is essential; we are called Mary and Joseph followed the law out of love and trust in God's will, Jesus is our example as he followed God's law, while reminding us that the law can only be fulfilled in recognition of humble trust in God's will.  When we place the law above God, who created the law, then we fall into sin.   When filled with God's grace we ant to follow His law because we recognize its truth and peace.

~
One of my favorite passages in the Bible is 'The Song of Simeon.'  I recite it daily, a collect that stirs my soul and reawakens a spirit of hope and recognition in Christ's active love and the path of light, redemption he provides us. 

²⁵ Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was on him. ²⁶ It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord’s Messiah. ²⁷ Moved by the Spirit, he went into the temple courts. When the parents brought in the child Jesus to do for him what the custom of the Law required, ²⁸ Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying:

²⁹ “Sovereign Lord, as you have promised,
    you may now dismiss^[d] your servant in peace.
³⁰ For my eyes have seen your salvation,
³¹     which you have prepared in the sight of all nations:
³² a light for revelation to the Gentiles,
    and the glory of your people Israel.”

³³ The child’s father and mother marveled at what was said about him. ³⁴ Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: “This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, ³⁵ so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too.”

Once you have experienced the light of Christ, the peace that the Holy Spirit provides, you are filled the life giving love and a constant drive to follow that light, at times it is blinding, forcing us to take small humble steps, our faith tested and refined, yet when you truly recognized and accept Christ as savior the sword that pierces your core is love and love's light can reveal truth even in darkness. 

²⁹ “Sovereign Lord, as you have promised,
    you may now dismiss^[d] your servant in peace.
³⁰ For my eyes have seen your salvation,
³¹     which you have prepared in the sight of all nations:
³² a light for revelation to the Gentiles,
    and the glory of your people Israel.”



The elderly prophetess Anna was also in the Temple, and offered prayers and praise to God for Jesus, and spoke to everyone there about Jesus and his role in the redemption of Israel (Luke 2:36-38).

Let us go forth actively following the love of Christ, serving our fellow creatures and allowing our souls to be filled with love and an overflowing peace.  Peace is an ability to be refined by fire instead of consumed by fear.  Peace doesn't mean we will always dwell in worldly safety, but the knowledge that God's peace surpasses the world. It is a peace that opens the eyes of the blind and love that reconciles the broken, purification and redemption of heart, body, mind and soul.


God revealed his love and peace in Jesus Christ , humility is the greatest gift and power.  The truth has been revealed.  Will we hear the call like Anna and Simeon?