Zion Canyon Prayer

 Zion Canyon Prayer

The desert and the parched land will be glad;
    the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.
Like the crocus, ² it will burst into bloom;
    it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy....
 But only the redeemed will walk there,
¹⁰     and those the Lord has rescued will return.
They will enter Zion with singing;
    everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
    and sorrow and sighing will flee away.
 Isaiah 35

Lent is a desert season; a time of fasting where we look inward, taking inventory of our sins and with pure hearts submit our act of contrition to Christ.  This desert time often comes with doubt and despair as we wander suffocating in the forsaken land of human error - plagued by the burdens and worries of the world.  We find ourselves complaining about lack in desert times.  We clutch our fear and demand water to quench our thirst.  We lose foresight and perception of trust in God's divine will.  If God brings you to a trial, forced to traverse the narrow canyons of dry wash out creek beds and vast expanses of salt earth prairie and towering mountains with no way out - instead of saying:

God, Holy Spirit - guide me through this and help me to perceive your will in gladness of heart in this trial for you will not forsake me...

Most of us, whether we like to admit it or not fail to trust God in these periods of life - we start complaining and idealize the past - like Lot's wife we stuck - the past is the past and if you try to turn back and open doors God has closed - you will be stuck, unable to move forward and fulfill God's plan for us. 

A year ago I was in Zion National Park - it is one of the most breathtaking places I have ever stepped foot on - I truly believe it, like Yellowstone and other natural wonders, is a living testament to the majesty of God's loving care and his artistic work as a CREATOR.  Zion is a place of extremes - it is a desert - in a the midst of a plateau - in spite of the dry desert air - life abounds in Zion fueled by The Virgin River - a river so small at first glance it appears as a creek.  How can life be so vibrant in this desert land - countless Indian tribes lived on this land and learned to respect and find gratitude for Zion's resources - sometimes the extreme climate forced them migrant - but they returned to the desert understanding that even in the midst of this land's desperate hardship - there is peace and abundance.  The spirit of joy and hope can be felt in this paradise of stone and rock.  It took eons of desperate wandering and painful uplift to transform Zion into the awe-inspiring place it is today.  Erosion, uplift and earthquakes, rock slides, monsoons and drought define the land and also carved it into a place only God's eyes could have envisioned.  It took the tiny Virgin River's persistence, cutting and carving, flooding and drying up - the tears of the river spring life abundant into dry places.

Such is the will of God.  Our Father does not use easy roads to accomplish his mission, he is willing to take the hard path because it strengthens his WORD and helps to exact justice, truth, light and love in this world - you cannot gain endurance by walking on flat land, we need to cross deserts so we are humbled to trust only on God's will.  God gives us the gift of resilience and being self-reliant  - at times God shouts for us to wake up and take action on our own - to have faith to just act (I feared moving because of change - when God was actively calling me to move onto another situation - it took the situation hitting rock bottom for me to wake up smell the coffee and take action). 

In the journey out of Egypt - God chose the desert road because it was actually the safest road.  Many tribes and obstacles lay on the so-called easier path - by wandering in the desert God could keep HIS people in HIS care and help them to journey in safety to the Promised Land.  God provided the Israelites with manna and ensured their needs were met...in spite of all of God's miracles they wanted to go back to a life of slavery - a life in Egypt.

From a psychology point - we can all get dependent on the world - our flesh is weak, God makes our spirit strong.  When we are slaves to the world we starve after perishable food that breaks the back and makes us hunger in envy and jealousy - even when the world turns its back on us we are so conditioned to rely on the material ways of the world - we try to fix things ourselves - instead of trusting God to guide us.  So part of the desert experience is God's love testing us and helping us to release the cycle of dependence on the world so we may be reliant on him.  Self-reliance actually comes from full faith and assurance in God - when we lend on the brokenness of the world we are left with bitter water.  God turns bitter water sweet and in his spirit we will thirst no more.

I speak a lot about desert times because the bible has a recurring theme of barrenness - barren land, barren wombs, barren lives...we all face these obstacles.  I have lost my financial security and for so long I tried to restore it by going back to the people who took my home and cursed my name because I wanted to mend the fractured relationship.  Each time I was let down and I fell into despair.  I did not doubt God's salvation, but I could not understand how Christ would not answer my prayer - and give me justice and peace.  It took really going through this desert time and filtering out the rage and the anger and thirsting for the world's justice, that I found peace in turning over the anger to God and trusting Christ to be my shield, my provider and protector.  Christ does not fail.  Though we may question his GPS directions - if we lean on Christ for understanding and submit to his will our path will be straight.

During our trip in Zion I had a panic attack about our budget because I have such a fear of not having enough to eat and all the other issues of day to day life.  I had experienced the wonders of God's creation, yet in the shadow of Watchman I started crying - I argued and lamented the situation...I let fear deprive me of the blessings surrounding me.  We all do this - and Christ understands.  While we may have real cause to worry - worry solves nothing - it is the worst dividend in the universe.  Rather be GRATEFUL for all the love surrounding you - even when you are alone and forsaken by the world - tempted by the devil - God is before you, Christ is beside you and the Holy Spirit is within you - YOU Shall NOT be MOVED - rather the will of God will take your burdens guiding you in a way out of the fear and doubt.  Often times we may push back or flat out refuse the gifts God gives us because we want 'cucumbers' instead of manna.  In Lent look to God's love and the provision of Christ in the discernment of the Holy Spirit for all your needs - do not lose sight of the cross and life in the cross for a short-sighted detour.  God will bring you back the lost, but his way is always the most direct - even if it seems like a long road home.

In scripture God constantly brings his servants into desert times: Abraham and Sarah (fleeing to Egypt because of famine, Hagar...); Jacob's flight to Laban, Joseph's exile in Egypt, Elijah, Jeremiah, the exile of the Jews in Babylon...there are so many desert times.

Jesus suffered many 'desert' times - when you think - why did he as the son of the Father - god incarnate have to endure lack and suffering - Christ knows our burdens and wants to help - he helps us learn in suffering (free will prevents some healing in the world - but Christ never abandons his own - trust even in death you are saved)

Matthew 4

4 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted^[a] by the devil. ² After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. ³ The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”

⁴ Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’^[b]”

Look to Jesus and his sojourn in the desert - he desperately thirsted and hungered and struggled with lack - yet he turned that lack into gratitude of faith that Our Father would sustain Him.  He refused all the offers of the devil - who promised the world - Christ in his human state still held close to the Father - We often put this off as 'oh Jesus was God, so he could handle it,' - Jesus is God, but He was also man and felt the burdens we face and the power of temptation - he turned temptation over to the Father and trusted Our Father in Heaven to keep him and guide Him, even if that mean thirst and hunger - because the spirit of God provides abundant life to all who seek HIS love even in desert times.  Be patient, be grateful for the resilience God provides, be grateful Christ is with you and remember His suffering.  All is well. 

Praise be to God.

Prayer:
Oh Zion, canyon of wonders, where life bursts in the desert, the cacti bloom and the heart of the narrows floods in the everliving waters of your kingdom on earth.  In floods and monsoon you release the skies and the earth quakes, still you use this destroying power for good as the waters fill the earth and the dry land is quenched and the mountains echo in your love and light.  The darkness is deep here - so human eyes may pray on your stars and know that you bring light into the universe.  Nothing is too great for your hands - you created the galaxies and stirred the Virgin River to wander.  You are an architect, a carpenter who builds strong foundations.  Your work is perfect and in perfection we find patience in your example.  You are God!  You could merely breathe the words Zion and the whole of this heavenly land could be created, but you used your hands, you used your imagination and will and might with the elements of nature to create this space and we are grateful stewards in its wonder and protection.  Bless us God and help us always follow the example of Zion and the desert blessings   - you bring water to dry places so our souls thirst no more.  Teach us to care for the land and heal the land so it can provide for us by your will, in YOUR NAME.  Praise be to Father, Son and Holy Ghost in the spirit of Zion and all of your creation.  World without end.  Amen.

St. Patrick

St. Patrick's Day has the identity in the US as a green-tastic secular holiday, celebrating the myth, legend and culture and Ireland.  Leprechauns and pots of gold, magic of four leaf clovers and rainbows to riches amid the green lush isle of Ireland's mists and magic...I love the culture of Ireland, including the tales of Brian Boru and Finn MacCool - it makes the tapestry of Irish culture beat with the heart beat of this island home.

As a person with Irish ancestry on both sides, I do not see anything wrong with celebrating Irish culture on St. Patrick's Day.  Breaking bread over traditional Irish cuisine amid the rambling sounds of a fiddle and bow, dancing to an Irish jig - is great.  It brings people together.

Unfortunately in the U.S. St. Paddy's Day has become a day of drinking until dawn - bad version of Madri Gras.  

The issue in the secular celebration is the lack of focus on Saint Patrick, a man who is an example we can all learn from in his courage and hope of faith and selflessness in adversity and trial.  St. Patrick is Ireland's patron saint, not merely because of the miraculous acts he did in God's authority in his conversion of Ireland to Christianity - I think the Irish also uphold St. Patrick so closely because St. Patrick was a person of strong character who gave his life in service to the people of Ireland.  St. Patrick believed by his faith in Christ that all are worth saving and gave himself in the fire of the Holy Spirit to Ireland.


I decided to take time to read up on Saint Patrick.  What fascinates me in studying the lives of the saints is how God calls the most unexpected to serve and often asks great things of the humblest of people.  God wants to be in a relationship with us.  God loves us as expression in the sacrificing of HIS son, Jesus CHRIST - who is our advocate and the Holy Spirit to guide us and help us perceive life - beyond the narrow confines of human doubt and anger.  While Saints are guardians of faith and examples to follow - the biggest example I learn from the saints is that God loves us - and works through our flawed sinful state to transform our soul, mind and heart, physical and spiritual to follow him.  Following God isn't about perfection, Christ carries the burden of the cross and through it the perfect gift of grace, rather we are called to help the will of the heavenly kingdom on earth.  I likened this to when a member of the crowd aided Christ with the weight of the cross on the way to Calvary - Christ carries the load, and we can faithfully work in the world through Christ's promise and glory.

 he magic of Saint Patrick isn't gold at rainbow's end, not in terms of leprechauns and legends of the deep.  The magic of Saint Patrick, isn't magic, but miraculous love and active service as an agent living hope and eternal love of Christ.  Saint Patrick performed many miracles, but the miracles were not considered magic in his eyes - but rather the hand of God working to bring light and hope into the world and cleanse the sins of all people.  Saint Patrick is said to have banished all snakes from Ireland in Christ's name - if that is not enough to give him sainthood - what is :) The banishing of snakes is symbolic and very real - God works to rid the world of evil with light and love.  We are also called to heal the world in service and humble faith. 

When I was a child I loved to search for a four-leaf clover - believing if I could obtain it I would possess magic of some kind.  As I walked through our neighborhood park today I was content to see the hundreds of tiny fledgling three-leaf clover shamrocks -


Saint Patrick used the Shamrock - Three - Leaf Clover to explain the holy mystery and truth of the Holy Trinity.  What is more awe-inspiring that in the noise of the hubbub of our chaotic days to simple look at the simplicity of a clover - 3 in 1 and comprehend the wonders of the Trinity - something so small signifies the creation of God's hands in every aspect of our lives.

We have free will and it is up to us to let the Trinity work miracles in our life.  Miracles can be great as casting out snakes from an entire country - or as simple as a lonely clover struggling amidst a broken concrete sidewalk.  Even in our suffering and the dark days of life God is with us, Christ is for us and the Holy Spirit is within us.  Miracles are great and even greater when small. Jesus calls sinners to his table and in his blood forgiveness is given, even the wretched sinners who believe can serve God's kingdom.  Ask.  Believe.  Receive.  The magic of Saint Patrick's Day offers more wealth than a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow - it is the everliving salvation and gift of a relationship with a DIVINE CREATOR who loves us, heals us and guides us and seeks after all the lost who have strayed to come to the heavenly kingdom in Christ.

Saint Patrick Biography:
St. Patrick was born around 385 in Scotland. His parents were Romans living in Britain in charge of the colonies.
*Let's stop for a second, because these facts automatically give us a window into Patrick's background - he is not the sort you might peg at birth as the Patron Saint of Ireland.  Patrick is a Roman Citizen - who were constantly at odds with the Celts and other native tribes.  Even if his family had local ties - they were Roman.  By this time Rome was Christian - but it still is a big jump to think that an heir of a prominent family would end up a suffering servant in a foreign land advocating God's peace and spreading the word of Christ among the Irish.  This is an example of calling the unexpected to his service and transforming human hearts and world view into God's focus and light.

At fourteen, Patrick was captured during a raiding party and taken to Ireland as a slave to herd and tend sheep.  God puts Patrick into what at first glance looks like a horrible forsaken situation - he is enslaved and left in a land where he is a stranger - but God often uses painful experiences we are placed in for HIS glory - God needed Patrick to go to Ireland - God never abandoned him, even in his enslavement - Patrick's suffering was refined by the pureness of God's grace.

Patrick was held by Druids and pagans.  He learned the language of the people who held him and practices. In his humbled state of enslavement, Patrick turned to God in prayer . He wrote:
"The love of God and his fear grew in me more and more, as did the faith, and my soul was rosed, so that, in a single day, I have said as many as a hundred prayers and in the night, nearly the same." "I prayed in the woods and on the mountain, even before dawn. I felt no hurt from the snow or ice or rain."

What beautiful words - I know I have found peace and pain in my darkest hours - it often takes being in a state of destitution to turn to God, because we think we can solve everything ourselves...Patrick's humility and courage in captivity turned the otherwise unbearable situation into a blessing and opportunity to fulfill God's work in the world.

Patrick escaped Ireland at age twenty after having a dream from God.  He found sailors who took him back to Britain to be reunited with his family 

Patrick had another dream in which the people of Ireland called out to him "We beg you, holy youth, to come and walk among us once more."

Patrick began his studies for priesthood, ordained by St. Germanus the Bishop of Auxerre.  Later, Patrick was ordained a bishop and sent to take the Gospel to Ireland.  Patrick spent the remainder of his life preaching the Gospel to Ireland, converting many.  He and his disciples preached and converted thousands and began building churches all over the country.  His faith helped pour out the hand of heaven into the hearts and minds of Ireland. 


Patrick's unwavering faith in God, his humility, gentleness and total devotion and trust in Christ is an example to us all.  He feared nothing, not even death - because he believed in the importance of his mission in ministering to the people of Ireland.  We too can learn to walk in the footsteps of Patrick showing hope and courage in desperate situations and caring for those who seek to harm us through forgiveness (I say this because Patrick was kidnapped and enslaved by the Irish - yet he made it his life's mission to free them from the bonds of slavery to sin)


Someday I hope to visit Ireland - stand on the cliffs and gaze on the green isle through the mists and perceive the spirit of the place - Christ's love for all nations and all peoples - the history lover in me would love to retrace the steps of Patrick - learning from his example so I may too live actively as a follower of Christ.
"Christ be within me, Christ behind me, Christ before me, Christ beside me, Christ to win me, Christ to comfort and restore me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ inquired, Christ in danger, Christ in hearts of all that love me, Christ in mouth of friend and stranger."

Women of Faith - New Bible Study

In the final weeks of Lent, This Side of Paradise, will be featuring a bible snapshots on Women in the Bible  Women are vital in the divine purpose of God's will being carried out on earth.  Women played pivotal roles in scripture, enacting God's work in the world.  The Holy Trinity continues to use women in ministry.  Though many women are being shunned and abused in parts of the world through trafficking, patriarchal codes and domestic violence, God hears the cries of women and loves and works to stand up for rights of women in HIS divine mercy.  It is our duty to stand up for women who are oppressed, as well as children who are in abusive situations.  As a woman I find courage in the love God provided women such as Eve, Sarah, Hannah and Mary in test and trial.  I know that God has heard my cries for salvation and in faith and thanksgiving I can be an instrument of HIS peace.

The Bible is an extraordinary book because God's Holy Book, is not a record of perfection, but rather his love and redemption in an imperfection society and the work of the faithful as imperfect but loving servants of God - who make mistakes, face hardships, endure pain and suffering;  even when we turn away from him - God holds fast to his love and care for all of his creation.  How AMAZING it is to know in spite of our sin and selfishness, error and our own self-doubt - we are loved by heaven - not for our worth as righteous, but by grace in God's pure love for us.  In knowing God's pure love we too can trust to walk confidently in faith and even in times of trouble - though we question God's will, we know HIS will is a path that will lead us into truth and security.

The women of the bible, like all humans are flawed, but in their flawed state, they still trust in God to heal them and their people and actively work to do HIS work on the earth and show empathy and care for those around them. Eve, Sarah, Leah, Rachel...they are all flawed, yet the light of God shines and shows us that God works to heal humanity out of our recklessness - he makes roads straight.  It took these women of faith to make mistakes and fall into their humanity to realize the truth and light of God's providence.

I find each of the women of faith we'll encounter as strong-willed, defiant, resilient, empathetic, brave and astute - each has their own personality, flaw and strength - teaching us how to live and learn from mistakes and hardships - bearing suffering in joy through Christ abundant.

I hope you will enjoy this journey.  Each profile will give you a snapshot of the testimony and times of these women...I hope to do a more in depth study and devotional of Women in the Bible in the summer. 

I am in the process of restarting this blog and in doing so I am going through my own journey in faith.  As I jump start my bible study again - I know my posts may not be perfectly written and organized.  I am working to post as I learn and grow.  It is my hope the more time I have and as I delve into my bible studies again - I can transform this into a interactive site with daily devotionals and an organized well informed bible study.  Thank you for walking with me in my faithful journey.  We are called to learn and grow in our knowledge of scriptures...Remember:

God is before us, Christ walks beside us, the Holy Spirit is within us and all the angels and company of heaven surround us in goodness and light - we have nothing to fear with God, trust in His will, feast on the spiritual abundance of Christ's love and actively all the Holy Spirit to guide you as instruments of peace...

Our first profile will be on Moses mother, Jochebed a woman whose faith in God preserved the life of her child, a child who by God's grace and will led the Hebrews out of Egypt...stay tuned...

Prayer of Courage

 Prayer of Courage

God has shown favor on my weak bones, brittle and coarse, in each painful step, he lifts me up and reminds me of his glorious wonders.  For God created Adam from the dust of the earth, the particle of dust is a speck and in God's hands HE creates life out of death.  In our stumbling stubbornness we worship the ground, instead of the one who created the earth.  We then worship ourselves instead of paying reverence to the earth - which is full of God's wonder.  In our lust of the carnal world, we break the soil, digging graves.  Only God can offer life abundant.  We must revere all HIS creation and PRAISE HIM eternally.  God incarnate came into this world in flesh, in flesh he died, crucified, yet the spirit of the FATHER in Christ Jesus did not succumb to the earth for God is master over it.  Out of death God wields life, Christ is life abundant in salvation, the Holy Spirit our compass and map.  Father-Son-Holy Ghost, wondrous glory comes from the humble heart.  You have broken my bones that I may kneel.  Our suffering breaks a body and lashes out our spirit to question and beg...it is in the moment of deepest darkness the light of distant silent stars calls out to our senses.  One speck of life, one flicker of hope - Our God works in mysterious ways across the universe to the famine ridden soil to carve out life abundant.  It is in breaking free from the bonds of the world's desire, we discover God's desire in our lives through love and peace and the meek are strong in spirit and the kingdom overflows.

Thank you God for sending your son, our Savior Jesus, to live among us, to share our sufferings, to live life with an abundant spirit, to teach your truths and to account for justice, hope and call us out of error into your light of forgiving peace.  May be break free from the bonds of fear, anxiety, scarcity, loneliness, hardship and envy so that we may be one with you in love and do YOUR WILL on earth as it is in heaven.  Heaven is love, peace, redemption realized.  May we love our neighbor as ourselves - loving ourselves in the love you provide - not of ego and selfishness but pure unbridled love...may we open doors to receive your abundance and close negativity in our lives.  May we ease suffering through active prayer and service in our communities.

Your kingdom has coming and is coming.  May we be instruments of peace.  On earth as it is in heaven calls us to actively preach salvation and truth, serving the needs of the lesser, healing the wounds of the world in YOUR LOVE and never ceasing to enact justice in forgiveness and service.  There are so many lessons you teach us - may our intuition invested in your Holy Spirit be strong.  May our advocate Jesus always be our example and guide.  May we love without fear, live in your purpose and die in your name with the cross of glorious redemption.  Your kingdom is supreme, may we seek it first, follow and praise your righteousness - actively living the GOSPEL and transforming the world through Christ's love and redemption, service of spiritual food and care for all our brothers and sisters in the community of the world so that it may be healed in love.

Do not fear, God grants strength and HIS food can sustain us even in famine and drought.  The LORD is HIS NAME worthy is HE to be praised. 
Amen

Dark Nights Restore the Soul

There comes a point in the dark night of the soul you cry out and there is dead silence.  You straddle between faith and doubt, questioning 'why me,' 'where are you Lord,' 'do you hear my prayer,' 'Help me.'  When the silence reverberates across the galaxies your soul starts to turn to reason - demanding evidence and miracles, doubt plays its tricky hand - the tools of reason, critical thinking, faith, intuition, hope, patience, mercy and trust become corrupted, bent out of shape - lost in a seemingly endless sky - it is a battlefield like a black hole cancer in the heart - it is the testing of fire, drought, aphotic darkness.  The Aphotic zone is one of the darkest areas of earth, it is the portion of a lake or ocean where there is little or no sunlight.  It is formally defined as the depths beyond which less than 1% of sunlight penetrates.  Bioluminescence is essentially the only light found in this zone.  Most food comes from dead organisms sinking to the bottom of the lake or ocean.


Just take a moment to imagine that light less state.  Feel the gravity, the tension, the fear - then remember even in the deepest and darkest caverns of the earth God is at work.  Nature shows us this time and again.  In a cave the microscopic bacteria to unique cavern deep dark dwelling species lurking into the hole of the earth - live - they live by light in darkness.  The entire chain of life depends on the dim light of the outer world - sometimes that light is passed down through dead organisms - life exists and God cares for life even at the darkest depths.

We are people who rely on the clock like an hourglass in hyper drive.  I have a Type A personality with a laid back approach too - it is the INFJ disposition - I am strongly empathetic to the point I get physically ill when horrible things happen to others and I want justice and want to fight for justice.  There is a place for us to be advocates through Christ and activists in His name, but as humans we also have the flawed tendency of immediacy and not seeing the macro-picture.  Why delay when we need help now - we are suffering?  God is not ignorant or uncaring about our suffering, but his time is always the right time - the dark night of the soul reminds us of Christ's suffering on the cross; it tests and refines our character, building deep roots - strengthening our empathy and compassion and incites us to action and patience - yes the two though paradoxical can work as one.

The past thirteen years (really twenty five years)  have been hard.  I was forsaken by my biological father and my family shunned me and my mom because of their selfish aims (estate issues).  At first I was content to walk away because I knew the toxic energy involved, I trusted God, but after my own dreams and hopes seemed to burn and crash - though I did not lose hope in HIS salvation I doubted myself worth - I started listening to the negative energy of the world - instead of seeking to heal in the positive light of Christ.  In grieving we must face our anger and wrestle with it as Jacob wrestled with an Angel in the desert - Jesus had to use all his human will to fend off the temptation of Satan in the desert - for even though Jesus is God - he was man - hungry, alone, and dealing with the battles to come - Jesus even cries out to God on the cross 'My God, My God' why have you forsaken me.'  In truth sometimes we need to let the hurt and despair die so we can start again, fresh with God's grace.  That doesn't mean we don't take the healthy lessons that refined our soul in trial, but the anger does not bind us and the shame does not hold us.

God has always granted me a strong faith, but I have wrestled with trying to understand why so many people betrayed me.  I started to internalize the shame of my oppressors - feeling worthless, alone and resting only on the hope of salvation. I questioned the value of my life...but God loves us and has a purpose for us in this life.  When we are in a difficult situation we need to pray to HIM for guidance and when our prayers are not answered don't take it as rejection, but that God has a mission and you are worthy of it because you are chosen - even in your sin, you can walk HIS path in love and in trial be set by the fire of the Holy Spirit.  God knows what it means to suffer and never causes us harm - even against the evil of the world he uses trial to spark light.  One tiny splinter of light diffuses an entire night of darkness.  If we only keep the lamp dimly lit and pray for God to guide us he will.  Christ is with us and is our advocate.

I am in the planning stages of writing a novel inspired by the trials in my life - it is a psychological and spiritual novel, which I hope will help others in their journey out of the world's shame into God's loving hands.  One episode about my confusion with God was that I keep trying to get justice from someone who emotionally and physically harmed and deprived me and left me destitute.  I begged her and pleaded, I hoped and prayed - I dwelt on it and schemed about justice - not revenge - I never have wished that on her, but justice in receiving payment (tuition money) due.  She never wrote me back.  I was told by an intuitive friend of deep faith that this person was pure dark energy - seeking to break and crash my happiness - I needed to let go and realize some justice does not come in this life and that is okay.  I then became desperate because I thought I needed the money - I panicked, I allowed fear to guide me.  I did not understand why God would not fix this wrong.  Every time I had prayed to God in the past he always has given me some intuitive direction or physical manifestation to help move forward.  I trust God and knew him to be my FATHER.  It drove me crazy - I did not understand why God was helping me - this wasn't just a no, but a slam on the door, I am NEVER answering this - so I tried to make it happen on my own - sending hundreds of letters and petitions to my abuser begging for restitution - deaf ears.

It took nearly a decade to realize God was answering my pray by not answering my request because although he new my suffering heart and weeps for the pain and void from loss love of family he knows that the way to fix that void wasn't by communing and interacting with the oppressor - it was by completely cutting the cord of oppression and having NO CONTACT.  God will provide, but when we start to get so caught up on our goals we lose sight of God's plan we will start to fall into darkness and doubt.

God wanted me to be independent - to completely lean on him - his healing is the cure - not getting an apology or check from the oppressor.  My abusers shamed me with wanting to go to college and also were very manipulative about money and made me feel unworthy of all material possession.  When I say material - I'm not talking about materialism but I'm talking about food, clothes, a normal standard of living in security.  Sometimes the world steals these from us.  Darkness tries to steal light, but it never will blind the light - because light dwells in all of creation because God is with us - who can be against us.

Coming back to ground zero of the abuse and facing some demons - it took a lot of fight to work my way past the anger and my own feelings of worthlessness - yet God shows me HIS love.  Christ is my advocate - 'if the world hates you, it hated me first.' God loves us and we are precious in our sight.

In dark nights of the soul, realize you are in a battle - temporal and harsh, but don't lose sight of the water that sustains your thirst - God's cup is always ready for you to drink out of - the Living Waters of the Holy Spirit with guide and protect you, sustaining you in the fight - it is not an easy road.  Faith can move mountains, sometimes faith means climbing uphill to reach the summit with gravity holding you down.  Climbing mountains is a strengthening of faith, character and resilience.

In the past week I have begun to ask forgiveness for those who harmed me - more importantly I am turning over the hurt, pain and shattered glass I am clutching to God.  I have asked Christ to heal my wounds and the Holy Spirit to guide me.  I know angels are close.  Instead of being paralyzed by the pain, I have found strength in it.  I want to write books and pursue psychology so I can help nurture others as they venture on their own healing journeys.  Forgiveness is not a one stop process - perhaps when Jesus tells Peter you must forgive seventy times seven - he means it literally as well as metaphorically because with each layer of hurt in a failed relationship you break through a new residue of anger and doubt you must scrap up - in the scrapping of the soul it is painful - leaving scars - Christ knows that forgiveness sometimes has to be a hard road because when we face our trials and reflect on them through HIS lens we not only remove the pain but our soul's void his filled with the light of HIS love.

While at the beach recently I heard the words Job 42:10 pop into my mind.  Trusting my intuition I did an online search for the verse:
¹⁰ And the Lord restored the fortunes of Job, when he had prayed for his friends. And the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before.

Job's 'friends' were really enemies who undermined and mocked him - God knew Job was righteous but it took Job releasing the hold of mockers and showing love to his friends when God restored Job, because only then could God fill the void of loss with redemptive care.  

I also have prayed the Hail Mary prayer.  I am not Catholic, but Anglican - but I find praying this helps calm me because I know that Mary as mother of Jesus faced many adversities as a servant of God.  She worried about the wine at Cana and Jesus told her - it is not yet my time - still he answered her petition - she cared for her son as a child - as any mother would and as the Messiah, God loves us as his children and wants us to come to him in our darkness.  In our humility he makes us strong in wisdom and hope.  

Although I hope the financial burdens incurred by my family will be restored in abundance with God's will - providing me with income to regain some of what was lost, I know the material is nothing compared to God's LOVE - Christ is always at work and we must pray to HIM, ask for healing, forgiveness...where their is pain sow love and compassion as Christ love us.  No prayer is too much for HIM and if the prayer is not answered trust HIS time is the right time. 

Remember God wants you to love this life, not through material focus (of course it is okay to enjoy and treat yourself, but don't let greed and love of money bind you), but through spiritual renewal, pursuing your God-given passions/talents to help others and to fill your soul with the HOLY Trinity

Remember we are all ADOPTED as children of God the Father with Christ our advocate and redeemer and the Holy Spirit within us - as a guide.  3 in 1...we have a heavenly Father and HE loves us.  A minister once told me that to be adopted in Roman times meant full inclusion as heir in a household - How amazing to know that God is not only master of the universe, but our parent, friend, advocate and redeemer - he lives and calls us to life through HIM

Planting Seeds - Cultivating a Relationship with Christ

 Lent is a desert season in faith.  I often write about the necessity of the desert metaphor in refining our soul and humbling us towards God's will, and the abundant life of Christ.  Lent is a time of deep rejection where the roots of our faith take root.  It does not take a lot of faith to sow love in Christ, he tells us it takes the faith of a mustard seed - the smallest of the seeds to cultivate a relationship with the Father.  It is one thing to plant a seed and another for it to grow beyond the bulb and shoots, into something as sturdy as an olive tree, ancient as a life oak and resilience as Ponderosa Pine.

Have you ever been so moved by passion for an activity or venture that you put every fiber of your being into it before you find you are burnt out, your energy is spent and you cannot stand the task you once loved anymore...you shrivel up and give up the seed.  I have done this with jobs before because I have a strong work ethic and want to offer service and support but when my services are taken advantage of, or I've worked myself to the bone without rest - I am so overwhelmed I don't want to continue on that journey.  I am often too stubborn to stop and that of course leads to resentment.

A Christian life needs to be planted in love and patience.  You need to be eager and daring, ready and willing, but you also need to cultivate the relationship and growth slowly and with pure intention, savor each lesson of faith, apply it to your life, be willing to faith and to doubt, but come back willingly to God.  A Ponderosa survives the wrath of a pine beetle by self defense and staying healthy - sun, water and nurturing awareness of its environment.  A mustard seed grows into something strong because it develops strength from weakness, a willingness to learn, to be humble to trust.

 He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you. Luke 17:6

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20

 

Sometimes faith is recognizing our doubt and crying out to the LORD for nourishment.  The Israelites wandered in the desert complaining about the lack, when in truth's God's provision was always before them in Manna and water at Meribah did spring forth.  God knows our limits, but his love through Christ is limitless and his paths always make our crooked feet straight, if we ask and trust.  He commands us to use reason and faith, meaning there are times we allow our personal desires to interfere with discernment of God's will - so he wants us to think - to engage - to question and to come to him as little children - questions and fears, hope and shelter, love and wonder.  Think of Abraham, Sarah, Leah, Rachel, Moses, Elijah - they are people of faith who prayed their doubts and God helped them have more faith - Jesus loves us - his love moves mountains - more importantly HIS love can give us the power to climb them in pursuit of serving HIS will.

When you doubt - pray to Jesus - explain for fears and ask for faith.  Jesus wants a relationship with us.  We have free will so he cannot force us to accept the nurturing care of His Spirit and counsel, but if we ask - his mercy is given.  We must trust in tests and trials as the fire to heal the spirit, for while the body may ache if the soul remains planted in Christ - you wills survive the fire.  I turn again to a Ponderosa because the Ponderosa is a tree plagued by fire, yet it lets go of its trunk in the flames, faithfully releasing seeds, in the promise they will grow into another stronger forest.  An Aspen is rooted to an entire network, if one tree falls they all break, but the system remains a community of strength in the fire.  The church must be a quaking aspen - a community in which each member of the body might be a sinner, but is healed in the love of Christ and each community member is in relationship with others - helping and lifting up.

Christ wants us to seek HIS Kingdom, but HIS kingdom is not only about a free pass to heaven  - it is about learning to live well on earth - living well is being in fellowship and good communion with humanity and the natural environment - acting in love and not with selfish intent, sacrificing your desires for the needs of the other.

In scripture we are shown in the Gospels the need of our healing action in Christ's ministry - even Jesus - God incarnate, needed man to help him carry the burden of the cross as he trudged faithfully to Cavalry - he allowed himself to be humbled on earth so that we might serve him in the humility and learn to show empathy for our fellow man.  Bishop Michael Curry says the antithesis of love is not hate, but selfishness.

Think about planting again...you have a garden - if you only tend for one plant it might shoot up and grow strong for a while, but if the rest of the garden dies (a farm is an even better example) the soil is tattered and life fails.  We must choose live in active ministry and love.  We must listen to God's will in the Holy Spirit and pray for intution.

In Lent it is easy to focus only on the suffering - suffering is horrible - suffering is something that tears at the soul, makes us question our faith and humanity and give up.  Remember suffering yield joy in the risen Christ, suffering also refines our faith - not because enduring suffering is right - but because in our humility we turn to God.  The lesson in suffering is not to get stuck in quicksand paralyzed by fear, but in courage reach out in prayer to God - the Trinity will guide you.  Sometimes their rescue attempts and highway signs might confuse us because we don't want life to go in a certain direction - it is then we need to joyfully accept suffering because God is leading us through fire to become stronger and able to serve him.  God is only love - any suffering we endure is not from God's hand but the condition of evil, yet even in darkness, God's light is a beacon that teaches and guides and helps heal wounds in all time and place. 

The Parable of the Sower - Mark 4

4 Again Jesus began to teach by the lake. The crowd that gathered around him was so large that he got into a boat and sat in it out on the lake, while all the people were along the shore at the water’s edge. ² He taught them many things by parables, and in his teaching said: ³ “Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. ⁴ As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. ⁵ Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. ⁶ But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. ⁷ Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. ⁸ Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, some multiplying thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times.”

Hail Mary Full of Grace

Mary's Song of Praise: The Magnificat

⁴⁶ And Mary said,

“My soul magnifies the Lord,
⁴⁷     and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
⁴⁸ for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant.
    For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed;
⁴⁹ for he who is mighty has done great things for me,
    and holy is his name.
⁵⁰ And his mercy is for those who fear him
    from generation to generation.
⁵¹ He has shown strength with his arm;
    he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts;
⁵² he has brought down the mighty from their thrones
    and exalted those of humble estate;
⁵³ he has filled the hungry with good things,
    and the rich he has sent away empty.
⁵⁴ He has helped his servant Israel,
    in remembrance of his mercy,
⁵⁵ as he spoke to our fathers,
    to Abraham and to his offspring forever.”

This passage from Luke is one of the most reassuring testaments in the Bible.  Mary is a young, unwed (engaged) woman who is called into the unbelievable task of carrying God incarnate - in a Virgin birth...most of us would run, debate and mock God for calling us from our lives to serve him in such sacrifice.  Even Moses, a man of great faith, questioned God's will - Abraham cried out to the Lord - yet Mary accepts her mission - she is given a choice and joyfully ponders God's will and accepts it with a pure and willing heart.  She views doing God's will as a blessing, not as a sacrifice but as a gift.  She has to endure horrible pain - to witness your son crucified - but that sorrow is filled with joy.  

God never gives us more than we can handle if we are willing to lean on HIS Spirit and Christ for understanding.  God is willing to guide us...even when he is silent God is at work.  God's seemingly abandonment of His Son, Jesus on the cross must have spurred people on the ground Jesus's crucifixion to dismiss God, yet God used suffering to heal the world and to glorify HIS name.  The world calls us to jealousy, selfishness, anxiety, prejudice and hate.  God calls us to faith, hope, love, compassion, giving ourselves for the selfless love of other.The world is the material world, not in sync with God - I do not refer to the natural scenery and the earth - God is present in creation and even the roughest ground belongs to God.   When God calls us to HIS work, it is not easy, it is not being crowned with jewels and living high on the hog for the sake of the world...God's call is hard, but it is hardship that joyfully transforms us and helps to heal the world.  The Holy Spirit is God's vessel within our soul - if we pray to the Holy Spirit for guidance and learn to trust in the Spirit of God as Mary did and not the clatter of the world we will find peace and be active citizens of Christ on earth and in heaven.

Salvation is a prize, a grace bestowed through Christ's suffering.  Remember being a Christian is not an easy road, but it is not a sacrifice for the ego, but one of love and understanding in the macro picture The Holy Trinity provides.

Mary had hardship - carrying a child as a Virgin and being judged by the community, called a liar, forced to have a child anointed as the Messiah in a barn...she loved her son as flesh - caring for Jesus not in sole adoration as God, but as a child - as a mother who loves a son - that is a powerful thing, because Mary did this out of glory for God - a mother's love is said to be the greatest love on earth...Mary's love is a reflection of her faith and character.  She worried when Jesus disappeared, later found in the temple, she fretted over wine at the wedding - reminding us that she is human and had fears and worries - yet her faith provided her the perspective to see a way forward.  Even when she witnessed the most excruciating pain of humanity - seeing her son be crucified, rejected and hated by men - Mary did not lose faith - she wept - but her love remained strong.  Love revealed in Mary is a reflection of the bridge of divine love and human love - the love that bears us to weep and hope - God is close to our hearts - his spirit fills us.

I am an Episcopalian but I admire Mary as Mother of Christ, her human element and love beyond measure is an example for us to follow.  Jesus loved his mother dearly.  Mary had Joseph and emphasizes the importance of family, but when Joseph died, Mary also had to trust in faith in difficult circumstances as a single mother.  Mary is someone we can relate to and someone we can mold our faith around.  I pray the Magnificat often - The Song of Mary speaks to Christian faith and our hope and fears as we humbly approach God.  Christ is our advocate and Mary as his mother helps to guide us in example of faith as a vision of hope and reassurance that hardship is not cause to doubt, but an open door to seeing God at work in the world, for God suffered to heal...joy is found in unexpected circumstances...we must always be ready to heed God's call...God calls the weak to his strength.  Don't deny the call because of fear...God binds our wounds and Christ strengthens us