Letting Go of the Destination...Journeying with God

I find peace and solace in my parish's Adoration Chapel.  Spending time at the Chapel forces me to be silent and to listen to God, it helps me relent as I surrender control of worries, fears, anxieties and doubts over to God's grace.

We all have knots, rocks and corrosive roots on our life roads that make us stumble, leave us dejected, sully us with fear, oppress us with doubt and at times in the wandering roadblocks we feel trapped, forsaken, alone and orphaned.  

I tend to see God as being far off in the distance, already at the destination and I am struggling fiercely to rush from task to task, making each step a marathon - thinking if I can only accomplish an infinite number of tasks then I will reach the destination of peace and understanding.

I am a creative perfectionist - which means I can be laid back and go with the flow - and yet I am my harshest critic when it comes to being a taskmaster - every single second of every daily activity has to be accomplishing a task and accomplishing it well.  I typically work myself to exhaustion before savoring complete and total rest - yet in the resting I feel guilty because - I should be doing something.  I often feel like I have failed God because I'm not further ahead on life's plan with goals and plans - I have not accomplished the plans I have on my agenda: writing, editing, publishing, music projects, road trips, life agendas. 

God gently reminds me with the power of the Holy Spirit that I need to stop feeling guilty about not accomplishing my temporal plans, and instead focus on just allowing the SPIRIT to guide me to the plans Christ has in store for me.  When we clutch a dream or a goal too tightly we end up failing because we don't surrender it to God's will - and HIS perfect direction - when we become preoccupied with attaining the goal that we strip ourselves of enjoying it - we never find satisfaction.  We are always jumping tiredly from one project to another before falling down, too exhausted to get up.  Failure is not failure but a redirection opportunity to turn to God and say 'help me.'

I am exhausted, in something's gotta give mode.  I am tired of my job and I want to pursue a career with my talents and yet none of the plans I work towards seem to come to fruition.  I'm tired and I feel as though I'm failing.  I have debts to pay and they are causing great anxiety.  While it is easy to shake your head and say: 'you should have not taken out that debt,' life is not that simple.  Both times I prayed over the situation and the loans were absolutely necessary given the circumstances.  The loans were taken out to help with life journeys - including a cross country move...in the wake of the fact my father disinherited me and I had family members steal money from my mom.  God knew we needed the funds and the loan provided for the expense...and yet now all I feel is fatigue and frustration...anger and worry...how long am I going to be in this debt...God please help me get out of it...What am I supposed to do with my life?  I've worked hard...I followed the rules...why do I feel like I'm on this wandering road so far from my destination?

I went to the Chapel tonight with these questions heavy on my mind and my heart.  Instead of starting my prayer session with petitions and litanies begging God for help with money and life circumstances I attempted an 8 minute session of contemplative prayer. The goal: to not think about anything accept dwell in the presence of God.  My centering words in prayer: Trust, Surrender, Jesus.

I'll admit it is hard for me to just surrender my control.  I am able to relax and to relent a part of my heart in prayer, but there is a shield I keep guarded.  It goes back to past trauma and my current habit of always needing to think and plan and negotiate the next destination.  I am so attune to having to be on the move, feeling insecure and desperate to accomplish tasks that the act of just sitting still without praying words or petitions or thanksgiving - I struggled to just be with I AM.  

In the middle of my meditation as I strove to just 'be' - I heard the message : journey - it is not the destination but the journey...if you go through life only looking at accomplishing tasks - it will be one task to another task until you get to the final task: death.  

I have continued to marinate on that message of the heart.  Why can't we just enjoy the journey.  Life is a journey - a pilgrimage - we are not in control of external circumstances and internally we find independence and true freedom only when we surrender to God.  That does not mean we don't have control of life circumstances to a point - God wants us to live and exercise our choices - but it has to be in line with HIS will - otherwise we will not find satisfaction.  St. Ignatius discusses the fact that we all have many ways we can follow God, and some are better ways of surrendering and living in Christ - but God gives us options and is content with whatever way we follow HIM as long as we follow him. The Ways of Knowing and Being - God is alive and is with us on the journey.  Life is not about awards and merits, while those are great accomplishments and God wants us to do our best and to believe in our abilities, God's primary desire in our lives is that we seek relationship with HIM and enjoy the presence of Jesus in our lives.

Jesus is always with us.  The Holy Trinity is all around us and the SPIRIT lives within us.  We are loved and cared for.  Every second is holy because every second Jesus is at work in the world.  Every breathe we take, every word we speak and every action we have an opportunity to be in communion with God and each other.  So something as simple as cooking dinner can be a holy event when we do it for the glory of Christ.  The simplest act of kindness can be more important to God on your life resume than your executive business title.  We are meant to enjoy life and sometimes even the crises become roadblocks where we learn to surrender, to love and actually help us persevere in our journey so when we reach the destination - it is not a check box accomplishment - but something richer, something deeper and more fulfilling.

Reaching heaven as our destination is wonderful, but our journey with God is right here and right now...in heartache, in joy, in sorrow, in jubilee, in grocery shopping, in a record deal - God is present in all things and wants to travel with us and be our friend, FATHER and guide.  

I find the hardest part is tuning the reception to the right station.  So often I go into prayer - asking God for things I am really demanding of HIM, instead of asking HIS will and trying to listen for solutions outside the scope of my planned list of options.  How can God help us if we won't let him? 

Later as I read the daily reading I was struck by God's sense of humor and insight:
As Jesus was setting out on a journey, a man ran up,
knelt down before him, and asked him,
“Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
Jesus answered him, “Why do you call me good?
No one is good but God alone.

Journey - there is the word again.  Jesus did not accomplish HIS ministry without first journeying - reconciling HIMSELF to the people who rejected HIS father and ministering to the broken and wandering through some rough places, wilderness deserts and stormy waters.  Jesus could have simply come down and said 'okay I'm going to die, then rise again and be done with it...salvation task accomplished,' but without the journey and the story of Jesus's life the destination has no meaning - no hope, no truth.  It is simply the end, not the beginning.  Of course the cross is the crux and the power and glory of God's grace and love and sacrificed perfectly and how we are forgiven, and its power would still exist but it would lose the depth of life and love - because Christ came not only that we should get to heaven - but that we start to learn how to live an abundant life as we journey on this earth.

Why do we call Christ 'good,' not because He simply is good (which He is), but because of His actions and works on the journey - which is an outward showing of grace.  God does not need to prove His goodness, He is good - the journey reveals the goodness, just as grace is a revelation of love.


At the end of my prayer session I heard the word I dread the most: patience...Tonight though I welcome it as a friend on a journey.  

God's Living Word

Proverbs 8:22-31
"I was his delight day by day, playing on the surface of his earth; and I found delight in the human race."

Beloved we are called by God.  The Holy Trinity seeks us and desires to have a relationship with us.  Through Christ, we have been given the gift of an Advocate, the Holy Spirit - to help us hear God's voice - to comprehend HIS WORD.  In Christ, God came down to earth as the Living Word.  In all of creation, God spoke and HIS WORD formed the deep and the horizon.  God's word is Life and our life is in God's love and grace. There is no life apart from the WORD.  

The Word is not a book comprised of ink and ideas.  While ink and ideas can ignite our imagination, God's WORD is in SPIRIT and the Holy SPIRIT is the author of truth, and life pours forth from the SPIRIT.

God's WORD is living.  God's WORD dances with hope like light cracking through our brokenness, inviting us into HIS peace.  The deeper we breath in HIS WORD, the barriers of fear and doubt start to splinter and collapse.  God's WORD speaks LIFE into our situation, allowing us to cast our anxieties on HIM.  When we seek God in HIS WORD our cup is always filled. When we surrender ourselves to accepting scripture and pondering it, asking the Holy Spirit to instruct us - we find a key the door we need to open, or a lock to prevent us from moving farther from God's will.

In the chaos of time, the space of seconds pounding into minutes and stealing my sanity, I discovered God's eternal peace in contemplating scripture.  Reading scripture and pondering the WORD engages me in God's truth.  It refocuses my anxieties away from my temporal problems and anchors me in God's eternal grace. Scripture opens the hearts of all who ask, knock and seek.  People have fought fear, oppression, sin, violence, depression...since time began...sin seeks to steal our joy and taint our hope into fear and anger.  In sin we only see death.  Scripture recounts the negative affects of sin, helping us to identify the cause of our dis-ease...the brokenness that can only be healed by God.  It helps us to realize that the temporal problems of this world are under God's concern and care - it reminds us that humanity has been struggling with the ravages of sin for perpetuity and in spite of that looming darkness, the fire of the Holy Spirit - God's light and grace, love and blessing, hope and desire for our countenance has always been present.

God delights in us.  God cares for us.  God walks beside us in trial.  He never leaves our side, even in our darkest hour, he walks beside us as a friend and father.

It took me a long time to comprehend how God can allow suffering.  How can HE truly love me when so much in my life is broken and all my hopes are crushed underfoot?  Where is God?  Why is HE silent.  It took years of hurt, tears, and walking through my own Egypt to understand the greater grace is that God teaches us love in trial.  God could just fix the problem or abandon us until we get our act together, but instead He chooses to say: 'Yes, because of sin, this world is messed up and you are facing horrible suffering, but I will not let it break you - I will refine you in this fire of trial and I will walk through that trial with you and make sure you overcome the enemy.'

That is a great grace!  God cares that we are in pain, and wants us to confide in HIM.  God gives us HIS Living Word, an extension of HIMSELF revealed in the Holy Spirit so that we can converse with him by words, and be assured of peace and rest in I AM.

I have faced immense trials and darkness in my 31 years, I have nearly given up, but every time my strength fails, I turn to HIS WORD and I find peace.  Sometimes that peace comes with questions, sometimes I face down anger, and other times I find myself confused.  Confused is not a word we like to use with God, but it is a word that is present.  God does not confuse us - HE is forthcoming in TRUTH...confusion comes from our own human limitations to be willing to set aside our human blocks - the blocks of the flesh - that prevent us from trusting God's invitation by the WORD.  

When faced with a verse or passage we don't understand this is a great blessing because it forces us to seek God - not to simply memorize HIS WORD or follow HIM like ants marching, but to truly seek after HIM, to listen to HIS voice and to enter into dialogue with HIM and with ourselves; Our true self at its fundamental center is in GOD - we are HIS children.

Christ gives us a wonderful example of studying scripture and communing with GOD even in trial.  In the Passion of Christ, Jesus is the perfect intersection of human will in God and God's grace.  In His agony - Jesus reminds us 'not my will, but YOUR will be done,' acknowledging that even in dark hours - we have to trust that God is in control, His ways our higher than our ways and that we cannot submit to unholy fear and the oppression of sin - God is with us.  He has not forsaken us.  With each step forward in the passion, Christ suffers all the brutal attacks of the world - attacks we too face: scorn, doubt, anguish, persecution...the list goes on...at times we feel we cannot take the pain any more - we speak death and forsake life in Christ.  Jesus struggled to carry the cross and yet instead of giving up, he surrendered in accepting the pain without scorning God or himself - he willingly accepted it and gathered strength in the Father to continue towards the cross, each step closer to dying.  Each step through a struggle and each fall, we get up and step closer to death on the cross - this is not death to be mourned, but a death of hope.  For when we die in Christ we allow all the worry, anxiety, hate, fear, pride...to die and we open our hearts to life, to mercy, to peace and abundance.

Scripture speaks across time, because it intersects the human struggle and displays the awesome loving power of God.  In scripture we can humble ourselves to God, able to recognize - it is okay to be broken, God is love and His love is at work even when we miss the mark.  Not only does God love us and have mercy on His children - according to Proverbs 8:31 God delights in the human race.  


The enemy of our soul wants us to feel forsaken and to question how God can be mindful of humans.  The enemy tells us lies that God is seeking revenge against humanity for our sin and that God's wrath is in his presence.  We carry the burden of extreme guilt for sin and struggle to accept forgiveness because the price Christ paid was so high.  The flesh tells us that we need to pay God back and when we recognize our inability to ever pay the price in full the enemy steals our joy in salvation...

The LIVING WORD reminds us that God is on our side.  He loved the world so much that He sent HIS only Son to live and die among us and suffer death on the cross so that we can be saved by the blood of the lamb.  God is love.  He is at work in our lives.  

The hardest lesson is that LOVE is a presence in and of itself. What I mean by this statement is that love exists outside of temporal circumstances.  It is easy to say that 'God doesn't love me, if he did I wouldn't be having financial problems...or any other temporal disaster.' While God does care about those issues - HIS love is for our soul and His actions of love in our lives are primarily to protect our soul and to lead us into closer relationship with us.  God's love is fully manifested when we die in the flesh.  God is still showering us with love even in difficult circumstances.
Example: Your parent is dying of cancer and you give them love and support during this crisis.  Would anyone deny your love of the parent even if they die from the cancer?  Of course not - the act of love is in giving of oneself to the peace of the other and support of the other.  Love is not contingent on the temporal material manifestations...it is so much deeper in beauty and wealth than that.  
God's grace is a fruit of love and in grace he grants us temporal help, and while this is a fruit of love - grace it itself does not fuel love - so grace my decide to answer a prayer, but that is because love bears the fruit of grace...the act of receiving is a grace...the act of love continues to run deeper than the grace...love is in and of itself the act of life in God and HIS being.

If you can take time to read scripture for at least five minutes a day.  I enjoy resting in Christ with the daily readings from the Word Among Us.  I also read the Psalms regularly.  They speak to my heart and remind me - even in life's hurricane's, God is in control.

Exercise:
Take five minutes to read scripture then meditate on it by prefacing: Holy Spirit, speak Lord for your servant is listening.

Lenten Thoughts

Over the past year I have been dissecting through layers of inner turmoil.  For years I have battled anxiety related to past abuse and low self-esteem, depression and financial worry, resentment and fear.  In battling abuse, primarily from my father and stepmother I created schema after schema of self-controls and protective measures - ways of knowing.  While the Holy Spirit has always been active in my heart and at work in my life, when we are beaten down by the world and made to feel worthless sometimes we project our insecurity onto God.  Many who have faced ridicule, harm, pain, hurt, loss and turmoil - particularly in inter-family dynamics often scapegoat themselves or others for that trauma...we hold onto bitterness by clutching anger, or by ignoring the pain - numbing it and boxing it up.  Everyone who has faced a trauma deals with it differently, though the root cause is avoidance of accepting grace and hope.  I am guilty of this.  I have internalized the false words others have said about me and accepting the rejection and pain and ostracizing by family as something that is my fault because I wasn't perfect and I was somehow unlovable - even though they were the ones who committed the hurt - as human beings we long for acceptance and when someone shuns us and rejects us - especially those whom we love - we fill that void with a striving need for perfection and self-hatred, antagonism and worry.  

The hardest part is we often don't realize we are in certain patterns - holding patterns, oppressed by the brick walls that we build to protect us from damage. 

I gave up a lot of my dreams and feeling of self-worth and self-love over the years because of ridicule by my family.  I have found myself lose grip on my true-self because I don't want to risk living a life where I am worthy and loved because I am afraid I will be broken.  At times when horrible things occurred and I was facing attack and heartache I turned to God and knew he was there but when things seemed to get worse - I stared to give up on myself.  I did not doubt God's love, but I doubted that he saw me as worthy and I gave up a lot of hope.

I cannot articulate this into perfect words in this blog post.  It is raw and hard and complex- the layers of a broken soul that God heals.  I have found in the past year that God has opened my heart up to self-love - a love not of the ego, but the love of self-rooted in God's love for us and it is a heavy yoke at times because I am so conditioned to despise myself.  Most people would never guess this - I am active in volunteering, friendly, kind and always working on projects - but things are off course.  I want to give my entire self to help others - I'm empathetic and conscientious and this is my disposition - so I used that natural gift of empathy actually as a burden preventing me from moving into greater love for others - until we love ourselves with the heart of God's love then we cannot be free to fully love.  God wants us to experience his grace, HIS hope and HIS reprieve.  

Money has been a big hurdle, money was stolen from me by family and it left me conditioned to beat myself up about having anything - I started to think - I deserve nothing - I saw wanting abundance as selfish - instead of the balanced and whole view Christ wills for us.  I have a hard time accepting grace because I feel shame, and so I strive for perfection but always fall short.

I have been praying the past few months for financial help as my job is very stressful and I'm not pursuing my goals...but i have struggled as I plead with God - WHY?  Why won't you help us get out of these financial blocks when I've always worked hard and have tried so hard, and yet I feel trapped and the pain of all those times I was made to feel like nothing by my father and stepmother comes out.  Then I feel guilty because I trust in Christ's love and it is more precious than money and success and I am embarrassed to focus on this in prayer and yet - God has used the past year of begging, hoping, demanding, loving, crying...praying persistently to open up my heart to healing - to recognize I have value and it is okay to value myself and in doing so I value others.  He has taught me about the depths of His love and compassion and the power of trusting in HIS word, not the words of the world.  Still at times it is hard..especially when I still am desperate to get some bills paid down and my job is on a cliff.  I continue to pray and bless God and at times I shout...yet God is working through me and i know sometimes we having to allow the debris of our shame, worry,doubt and attachments and core foundations to be turned upside down before God before he fixes the temporary problems.

What good is it to fix a kitchen sink when the crack foundation is leaking water and causing the house to sink.  God wants me to recognize  my value to Him and trust in Him and in trusting in Him to trust in myself and to lean on His understanding.  To truly believe I am wanted and God wants to help me.  It is as much a test in learning to quiet my anxiety even in times of turmoil and to rest in God.  The truest rest is in the water of life God gives the soul with the Spirit and Christ is the eternal water - resting in Him and seeing that only Christ is a sure foundation is hard when bills are stacking up - and yet Christ is the only truth - the only power that is righteous and with us always.

In Lent we are faced with the desert of ourselves - the voids we try to fill with placebos - be it addictions, worry, anxiety, fear, sensual pleasures...the list goes on...for me I worry about money all the time - not material desire for wealth but a fear that I will not be provided for and cannot provide for myself - for basic needs and a sense of unworthiness of having solvency.  This is where we have to wrestle with God and sometimes he might not answer the way we want Him too but he always gives us what we need.  God wants to help the soul so that we can have to ability of perception of hope that this life is more than bread and water - life is truly in Christ...even death cannot take that away from us.

In Lent we must take our hearts to the well of Christ and learn from HIM and be filled by HIS Spirit - to lay down our pride and anxiety and rest in HIM.  

I have been doing a devotion to the Holy Face of Jesus and one of the readings discusses Christ's face reflecting the intimate pains of His soul and suffering and love of His heart.  It made me think about how much Christ suffered.  We tend to only focus at times on Jesus as divine and in some ways immune to the pain He was dealt - easily able to conquer it - and yet Christ felt the pain more than we ever could - because Christ is fully alive in love and to bear the rejection of those He loves - is harsh and is a desert only love's power of forgiveness can lead us out of.

Jesus felt every blow of the pain of scourging and being crowned with thorns - he endured the heartache of Judas's kiss and Peter's denial and the excruciating walk carrying His own cross to Calvary only to be crucified...In remembering the pain Christ endured we learn lessons of our own struggles, shining light of hope into doubt.

Christ was able to succeed by the Spirit of love for the Father and trust in the father even when every fiber of His human flesh would feel the condemnation of being forsaken...in the world we are forsaken, rejected and left powerless - and yet Christ did not walk by trust in human steps but turned His faith towards the Father; yes He knew the Father's plan of glory but this was more than just trusting a plan for salvation...I think Christ trusted God, the Father because he knows His true nature is love and love searches for reconciliation and light in darkness.  Love cannot be forsaken by God because God is love...love is mercy and love yields grace.  

I think it is important to remember that we are not blind to God's plan - God promises redemption and salvation and eternal life and warns us of struggles - but promises we will reach HIS heavenly kingdom - yet how often to we feel forsaken by God in times of struggle...that is why we have to look to the cross - to remember God is at work and He does have an everlasting plan for us - a plan of salvation and hope.

In trial we can clutch anger, hold the banner of victimization, hopelessness and fear or we can sow hope in the surety that God is on our side and continually praise His love and actively petition Him for everything with trust...and sometimes trust means admitting our doubts, our frustrations to God.  The key is when we petition our frustration we must give God the key to our hearts and quiet our soul enough from the worry to trust God is at work and to allow the Spirit to guide us.  When the Spirit seems silent we continue to pray, to praise and to seek God - even if it means waiting on His Word.

This Lent let God fill the void of worry and rejection - allow Christ to console your heart and learn from His struggles and triumph in His resurrection - allow God to breath in new life into you - for Christ is love and love yields grace and in grace we find God's mercy and in His mercy we are redeemed and as heirs of the kingdom we too must give mercy for it is in the giving we receive.

When we seek God first we are turning our focus away from self-pity, shame, fear and doubt and opening our eyes to life and light of heaven - and stepping onto the sure foundation - this does not exempt us from storms and trials, but helps us to be free from the slavery of sin which separates us from God and chains us to fear - and the ways of the world seek to reject life - seeking God we see life in all things and seek to restore life through love and Christ is love.

Christ, the King of the Universe

Daniel 7:9-10, 7:13-14

As I watched, thrones were set in place, and an Ancient One took his throne, his clothing was white as snow, and the hair of his head like pure wool; his throne was fiery flames, and its wheels were burning fire. A stream of fire issued and flowed out from his presence. A thousand thousands served him, and ten thousand times ten thousand stood attending him. The court sat in judgment, and the books were opened. As I watched in the night visions, I saw one like a human being coming with the clouds of heaven. And he came to the Ancient One and was presented before him. To him was given dominion and glory and kingship, that all peoples, nations, and languages should serve him. His dominion is an everlasting dominion that shall not pass away, and his kingship is one that shall never be destroyed.

In August I made the decision to join the Catholic Church.  This was a decision that was not made lightly and comes from a period of prayerful discernment over the course of three years.  The decision is largely based on the international body of Christ - allowing me to get involved in numerous ministries.  As an Episcopalian the move has not been drastic.  Episcopalians  are the most closely related church in terms of liturgy, the sacraments, prayer and practice.  The liturgy of both services is rooted in the power and glory of Christ with us, in the Eucharist.   

I will continue to attend my Episcopal Church in conjunction with my new Catholic parish as each offers wonderful ways to engage in the body and communion of Christ - through bible studies, the sacraments, community and prayer.  

I grew up Episcopalian and Presbyterian.  My father was Presbyterian, with my mother's family having strong roots in the Anglican tradition.  Growing up I was taught to respect all denominations and I believe God works through various denominations for His Glory.  I am drawn to the Anglo-Catholic tradition because I find I discover Christ's presence fully when I receive the sacraments.  I find the beauty and wonder and SPIRIT of Christ in the Eucharist.  It is more than a mere memorial of an historical event, the Eucharist is a partaking in our own need for Christ's wholeness to fill the dark spaces of our life - body, mind and soul with HIS life.  In receiving communion, I believe we receive Christ - His real presence - and in communion He pours forth His mercy and grace, hope and fortitude in our hearts and sanctifies us - in sanctifying us we are able to let go and Let God...we are made aware of the parts of our soul that are injured and are in repair.  The Holy Spirit speaks to us in the receiving of bread and wine - in receiving Christ our cup over flows and we long to share the bread of Christ with others.  

The Mass is an all encompassing prayer of petition, gratitude, glory and praise - at the heart of the Eucharist we humble ourselves submitting our flesh to God, being willing to love our neighbor and give up ourselves to the service of God...in humbly approaching His table - we are renewed, transformed and kindled in SPIRIT to be our best selves through Christ, to go forth and break bread with others; be it spiritually through forgiveness and acts of mercy, or perhaps physically feeding and clothing those in need, preparing a meal for the sick and consoling the brokenhearted.  Christ is with us and the Eucharist feeds us body, mind, soul in the gift of HIS grace.

I don't think getting into the theological discussion of does the bread and wine physically or spiritually become Christ matters.  Men fought wars over this - but in truth all that matters is we accept this is a Holy Mystery - a great grace that God is with us and in the act of Communion - God in Christ - feeds us, consoles us, forgives us, makes us clean and invites us to His banquet table - not as slaves but as heirs to His kingdom.

Sunday 11/22 is the Feast of Christ the King.  It is an interesting paradox how easy it is to separate our true belief that Christ is King of the Universe, while also failing to recognize His kingdom among us.  I know I struggle in negotiating how Christ the King, while King of Heaven at times seems absent or silent in times of trial.  I think of the Paris terrorism...and yet I have no doubt that Christ is all good, all loving and pure light.  Every time I broach this topic I am left with questions - and also peace...Christ does not operate as the kings of this world.  God is the Creator of the earth and all the universe...anything that is darkness comes from our choice to separate ourselves from God's light - this is by the law of free will.  

Free will is something God takes seriously - God could be a king that conquers and forces submission - yet what person who is not enslaved and given no hope won't submit to that rule?  What relationship is there if God is merely a king and we are subjects who his rules over like a tyrant.  God has every right to do so and any worldly power would seize that right, but Christ's ways are higher than our ways.  Christ wants us to write His law on our hearts.  Christ is a king who wants to serve his creation for His Love created it.  He does not want to force His Love on us and yet we are complete and isolated without God - we cannot function body, mind, soul - eternally or temporally without God.  So even when we turn away from God, he is at work - testing us in ways that refine and hoping judgment will show human hearts the power of His love and the need to willingly submit to God.

It is easy to question - WHY - didn't Jesus show HIS power as God in tearing down the principalities that sought his life as he dragged His cross to cavalry.  The truth is like a canyon, deep and treacherous at first and yet at sunrise the colors come to life and the river flows, slowing breaking down the rock...I use this example because the obvious answer and arguably most important one is that Christ as a sinless man died to save us from sin and to rectify the law.  This is a glorious truth and we must never forget God's great love and humility in this sacrifice of salvation...

The mystery and wonder of Christ's death as king however is full of infinite graces of revelations as we delve deeper into the soul by the lantern light of the Holy Spirit.

Evil exists in this world by the order of rebellion against God in the act of free will and darkness on this realm, though it will never overcome God's life - it is part of the human experience.  Jesus taking on the Christ reminds us of our need for God, our fallen nature and the pain of absence of HIM in our lives...the cross is an example of showing us how we must keep our eyes set on God's goodness even when evil seems to win the battle - we might have to persevere through dark spaces - but if we walk with the light of Christ in our hearts we will not lose our souls by the darkness of this world.  

Jesus overcoming his enemies by fire and brimstone as an earthly king of power - would have only been a temporary solution to a perpetual problem of the world - the remedy of evil and the need for salvation.  Christ could have triumphed by starting an army and overthrowing Rome and yet the same patterns would arise by the evil of the choice of separation from God.  Such an act of kingsmanship - though a sign of honor and power in the world would do nothing to save our souls and the decay of life would continue without true salvation.

John 18:33-37

Then Pilate entered the headquarters again, summoned Jesus, and asked him, "Are you the King of the Jews?" Jesus answered, "Do you ask this on your own, or did others tell you about me?" Pilate replied, "I am not a Jew, am I? Your own nation and the chief priests have handed you over to me. What have you done?" Jesus answered, "My kingdom is not from this world. If my kingdom were from this world, my followers would be fighting to keep me from being handed over to the Jews. But as it is, my kingdom is not from here." Pilate asked him, "So you are a king?" Jesus answered, "You say that I am a king. For this I was born, and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to my voice."

As I dig deeper into my soul, the Holy Spirit forces me to open my perception and reconcile my viewpoint from the restraining view of the world vision to the infinite light of God's vision.  We are creatures of habit and so often it is easier to fail to recognize God's grace because it is not the way of the world...when we pray for help for a temporal want and we push back an eternal need from God - we fail to recognize our King in action.  Even in dark spaces God is with us in Christ...and we are called to be kingdom builders in this world as well as heaven.

Christ telling Pilate: "My kingdom is not of this world..." He does not mean that the world is so crude and dark - he does not concern Himself with earthly matters - Christ is always at work in the world and yet HE is not leading us by the rules of the world, but we are led by a power so strong and full of light it is blinding to those who are attached to worldly power and possessions.  Pilate could not fathom the greatness of God outside of the power plays and killings and tortures of the Roman Empire and worldly institutions.  Christ's power is so strong it does not need to wield its arm with deceit, but leads with TRUTH.

As we approach the end of the liturgical year - we need to delve into our hearts, souls, and minds and ask Christ to be our king - follow HIS example - ask what He calls you to do?  How can we build Christ's kingdom on earth.

I think Grace and Truth are two important beacons we need to constantly walk towards:

Christ wants us to build a kingdom on love and in love we love our neighbors as ourselves - but in loving ourselves we need to submit to the way God loves us - detaching from unworthiness, fear, self-hate, jealousy, greed and selfishness...when we love ourselves as Christ loves us we are imbued with the gifts of charity, perseverance, humility...we are active agents for change not by war and power plays - but through the light of love.

In time Christ will bring all things under HIS kingdom and His submission - we however are not called to isolate ourselves and pridefully wave the flag of being saved until Christ comes in glory to judge the world - Christ wants us to get our hands in the dirt and plant seeds of love and hope and mercy.  He wants us to see the value of every life and work towards COMMUNION with all creation driven not by the flesh, but the Orders of our KING - Christ.

Even when we walk through the fires of hell, God is with us, Jesus is the Alpha and the Omega and while our King is one who serves and rules by grace and love - we can never forget the power of God and Christ's glory - In Christ all things are possible - if we were to comprehend God's power we would be blinded - it is that great - so we cannot fear in doing the tasks our King calls us to - for if Christ is with us we have the entire breath of the universe working for us...even in dark spaces there is a light in our hearts - the light of communion with our King...and our king has adopted us not as slaves but as children...heirs of the kingdom of heaven.

54 Day Rosary: The Wedding at Cana

John 2:

On the third day there was a wedding in Cana in Galilee and the mother of Jesus was there.  Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the wedding.  When the wine ran short, the mother of Jesus said to him, "They have no wine."  Jesus said to here, "Woman how does your concern affect me?  My hour has not yet come."  His mother said to the servers, "Do whatever he tells you."  Now there were six stone water jars there for Jewish ceremonial washings, each holding twenty to thirty gallons, Jesus told them, "Fill the jars with water".  So they filled them to the brim.  Then he told them, "Draw some out now and take it to the headwaiter."  So they took it.  And when the headwaiter tasted the water that had become wine, without knowing where it came from, the headwaiter called the bridegroom and said to him, "Everyone serves good wine first, and when people have drunk freely, an inferior one; but you have kept the good wine until now.  Jesus did this as the beginning of his signs in Cana in Galilee and so revealed his glory and his disciples began to believe him."

This account from the Gospel of John on Jesus's first public miracle is a refuge for me in scripture.  The Wedding at Cana is steeped in spiritual insight, humble grace, comfort of God's life changing mercy.  The Wedding at Cana is like a cake filled with layers of spiritual food and guidance.  It invites us to glimpse at Jesus as man and God - the bridge of humanity and divinity in God's revelation of Himself to us - fully human and fully divine.  The most striking aspect of the narrative is the petitions of Mary and her intercession in calling on her son, Our Lord, to answer the chaos and frustrations of the world in grace.  Mary's petitions and faith in her son at Cana are the WORD Incarnate's call for us to petition HIS mercy in prayer, while Mary also sums up the Christian foundation in her petition of faith: Do whatever He tells you.

During times of temporal lack, fear of loss, worry over finances, illness and dis-ease we are prone to anxiety.  In petitioning God in these times we often struggle with feelings of betrayal - as if God has not stepped up to our cause because our prayers are not being answered speedily and/or in the way we demand.  I am guilty of this.  I question, 'why can't you help me.'  Mary gives us the answer for prayer and supplication as well as trust in Jesus's infinite and constant mercy.  Christ never withholds HIS mercy from our souls - if we are not granted a petition - Christ draws us into drink, not the old wine of the flesh, but the new wine of HIS SPIRIT.  When petitioning Christ we must do so with the expectation of listening to HIS voice and doing what HE tells us to do.  In doing God's will, however we must never mistake complaining and lack of faith, with the act of faithful dialogue.

Dialogue - I chose this word because in prayer we are conversing with God.  In Christ we have direct access to God's grace.   To cross the bridge of grace we must be willing to have a conversation with God.  Dialogue is a conversation in faith - where we don't arbitrarily accept God's instruction without comprehension.  God wants us to be like Abraham and Mary, asking so we might perceive HIS clearly and willing to demand grace for those in desperate need - not because of our worthiness but because in faith we have a trust and knowledge of God's character of love and mercy - to not demand God give HIS true self to us is a corrupted form of dialogue and prayer.  

I believe that God wants us to dialogue with Him, turning all worry and hope over to His counsel.  God asks us at times, that we 'argue in faith' as Abraham did against Sodom or Mary does at Cana.  This dialogue is a pleading for mercy, a search for God's grace in action and conversation with discovering God's nature and moving through the darkness to embrace the light of His love, even in darkness.  I see this 'arguing in faith,' as a dialogue where the petitioner does not doubt God's infinite majesty or goodness, but through faith in the knowledge of God's love and justice cannot comprehend why God at times chooses to remain silent.  This arguing in faith demands God's countenance, not by our merit but knowledge of HIS grace and power.  Prayer draws us into a quest to perceive God's will and be an advocate of God's mercy in action.  God is love, God is mercy - if we follow God and love HIS being how can we in a Spirit of God not question when evil seems to have taken hold, or God seems far off from creation.  In this dialogue God helps us to perceive the forest for the trees, He invites us to empathy and hope in grace, as well as reminding us to trust that even in darkness - the smallest flicker of God's light is inexhaustible.  God is at work, even when He appears silent.  

Time and again I come to conversation with God about an issue, particularly darkness in the world both in my life and humanity that crushes the human spirit.  I demand action, help, hope in Christ.  , and in the process if we discover God will not act in the process, accepting that inaction (God always acts, He is always at work for our highest good, even if it seems at times God has betrayed us or let us down, God is at work for good, the world is the darkness - God is a light - sometimes we are just so blinded by the obstructive darkness we fail to follow the light of Christ - instead choosing ego over faith.

Mary shows us the weight of balance in trusting God's will through her son and also resilience in spirit to demand God's action, not by human merit, but Mary perceives God's love and goodness and knows that her son, Jesus is merciful and has the ability to give new life to the wedding party.  Mary does not try to test Christ, but rather acts in prayer, faith and trust.  'Do whatever he tells you."

How often do we fall into doubt when prayers seem unanswered - I get so bent into the pattern of exact petitioning that I fail to acknowledge opening doors in my life that are answers from God, answers of HIS will - and yet we get so blinded by our own periscope vision we fail to 'do whatever God tells us.' We get lost in details.  

Jesus's first statement: 

"Woman, how does your concern affect me?"  Seems cold and callous at first, but Christ is in dialogue with His Blessed Mother (and us).  God does not owe us anything by the law, in human perspective - broken by sin - we are not responsible for anyone but ourselves.  Jesus's statement sounds like a 21st century shrug - 'so what?' It is not - Jesus is fully aware of the parties needs before Mary addresses them...God through Christ however wants to hear about our troubles from us directly - so he can converse with us and help guide us - but when we are in dialogue with God we must submit to HIS will otherwise we will always run out of 'wine' - we will thirst - unable to obtain what we most desire - that which is God and HIS will.  Anything else will never fulfill us.  God wants communion with us, at times that means answering our petitions speedily by human impatient standards - other times, His time has not yet come - that does not mean God is not at work in mercy - but we need to see the long term picture - whether what we ask for will tear us apart from God or the timing is off, and we must patiently wait.

God invites us to dig into questions with Him through faith when prayers seem lost, that is why we must pray without ceasing and be willing to open our hearts to God's will - God always works through our prayers even in the darkest of night - we must trust the process and know that God's timing is always right.

God's propensity to mercy is shown in Christ agreeing to help His mother at Cana - while God is not bound by time, his very nature of mercy compels Him to act - so acknowledging God is acting on our behalf we can never tire even when we face persecution. God is at work through Christ and the Holy Spirit.

"On the third day, there is a wedding in Cana."  

While the Wedding at Cana is a historical event it also is a symbol of Christ's coming kingdom and Christ's church...contrasting the emptiness of the world to Christ's empty tomb in Resurrection Sunday.  The people of the feast need more than temporal sustenance, they require eternal life - a new wine that will sustain them.  In turning water into wine, Christ establishes himself as the new wine for humanity - a savior - if we drink the wine of Christ we find detachment from the world's darkness - the false life of material things is usurped by the bounty of the eternity of life in Christ.  

To transform our lives in Christ we must be willing to 'do whatever he tells you.'  We must forgo the 'wine of the world' and drink the wine of the Spirit, which is Christ.  I believe that the Eucharist is the embodiment of Christ's presence in the wafer and wine...when we come to communion we are breaking bread as they did at the Wedding at Cana and the Last Supper - willing to let the will of the flesh die and do the will of Jesus.

Symbolically this a precursor to Christ's symbolism as the bridegroom and church (which we are all one body in Christ) His bride and in that union - through Christ's life, death and resurrection we are one with Christ.

I will continue to write periodically on this passage, but below are a few key lessons.

Key Lessons:

- Never Give up Hope on Christ's action in your life, even in small affairs.  Jesus in asking 'Woman how does your concern affect me,' posits the depths of the spirit - we are so far from God - separated by sin - and yet we are God's business for God made us in His image, God formed us in the womb and Christ died for us.  

-God cares for our spiritual needs and temporal needs.  The Wedding at Cana provides both the temporal remedy of more wine for a wedding feast while also God's work of feeding us with spiritual food in the Holy Trinity.  

- Mary's example of how to pray and petition Christ: Ask and demand by the measure of God's mercy and do whatever God directs in the situation.  Continue to pray for discernment if God's answer is uncertain - petitioning unceasingly with praise and inquiry - without getting so boxed into repetition of 'I want' instead we must submit to 'God's will.'  Be willing to ask 'What is God's will?  Are we allowing personal ego to drive our view of what God's will is for us, either by barring entry to grace in times of suffering (suffer through in silence) or abandonment of God's call to sacrifice and empathy because our will is relying of the flesh?  

- What is the food we hunger for?  What do we thirst for?

- Jesus can take something empty and decaying and make us cleansed and whole (symbolism of stone water jars for ceremonial cleansing - we are only truly cleansed and fed in Christ)

- God's primary concern is for our souls.  God exists outside of time and space and thereby can have the perspective of how to answer our call.  God's seemingly lack of action on an issue may be something so far out of our perception we cannot currently understand God's will - we must trust that God is always at work in our lives through Christ and the Holy Spirit - Three in One. 

-Are we listening to God?  Are we so caught up in the expectation we forget to trust God, in turn submitting to worry - thus closing off ourselves to God's grace and direction.

Falling into God's Grace-Autumn Reflection

Fall is a time of renewal...a time of turbulence and peace...vibrant colors joyous in the wind song before yielding their leaves to the cold ground.  Skeleton trees haunt the remaining scene like ghosts communing with the clouds.  It is this bridge between life and death we find a peace in letting go.   We can savor the moment even if we know this transitory life is wasting away the years.  In fall we catch a glimpse of heaven's refining fire - able to surrender the pain, restlessness and desires of the flesh - to a life that is greater. 

Fall in North Carolina has always been my favorite season - its beauty a grace stirring imagination and reality.  The colors of reds, golden hues, burnt orange create a forest fire of life - a cycle of the spirit.  In the season of autumn, I find God's artistic hand and loving light in every strata of the scenery.  How can one not look at the blazing colors of a tree in autumn splendor and not recognize the artistry in the science and depth of creation.  

I fall into God's grace and strain in my weakness in fall.  I fall in love with Christ's sacrifice and demand my own need to cast down the expectations of my ego, in turn accepting at the crossroads of this season life and death - my will is a broken map - I fall into God's love and God's will, even if the road seems difficult and uncertain.

The autumn leaves are dying - in death they shine with the intensity of of life's brightest light, nothing can compare to the light of a leaf dying in October and November's changing of the guard - in dying they rise up and our spirits too are able to soar away from our self-centered routine - we are driven outside away from computers and deadlines into the brief rush of nature's spectacular art exposition. 

The first imagery I am drawn to is Christ, HIMSELF, His Glory shining in His Death on the cross, willing to submit to the Father's will and to sacrifice HIMSELF for us - able to remain rooted in God's will - able to trust that even in death, there is the hope of God's grace, the mercy of a resurrection.  Jesus was in the prime of his life when he was condemned to the cross - and yet it was a broken world that condemned HIS Spirit...By the world's standards Christ failed in dying, yet as the glorious colors of autumn leaves attest - in dying Christ conquered death - sin was broken.

We often question - why suffering occurs, why death and yet in nature we find death often yields life and in dying, life is born again.  The tree is not dead, the leaves are dying - the tree will reign as long as it is rooted in the ground, nourished by the soil.

Our roots must be in Christ and we must feed on the nourishment of the Holy Spirit and do the will of the Father.  I find the glory of fall leaves, the joy of letting go is when we let go of our own limited viewpoints - our worldly vision - and let God in.  Only then can we die from bad patterns and move forward....this transition is difficult because all we see is winter, suffering, disgrace and fear - yet God promises if we wait on HIM, His Spirit will renew us - a tree trusts that the leaves must fall and the season of life will be born again.

Christ's birth is coming again in Christmas and His Life, Death and Resurrection remains with us always - even when death seems to have won - darkness never triumphs, the tree still rises to meet the sun and the moon, rain and wind, grounded in faith of resurrection.  

In taking time to study the cycle of fall leaves, our hearts, minds and souls discover countless lessons. 

In the Garden of Eden we encounter two specific trees: The Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.  Fall as a season reminds us to seek God in creation and in our hearts humble ourselves to HIS glory.  I find metaphors for many aspects of the Genesis story in fall.

Adam and Eve fall from grace and yet in falling, God's mercy does not permit death to overtake life.  While it is easy to trust in the 'world' - turning onto the back of sin and our own way - in the end until we submit to knowing God's good we will become a skeleton tree who fell from glory and shall not rise.  God's judgment on sin and our need for humility is not an act of God playing power-monger - rather as we feast on God's roots of knowledge and HIS good we discover that only when we follow the perfect law of love and forgiveness and sow peace will life be abundantly lived.  

A tree in autumn is content to live in the cycle of life.  A tree's leaves are willing to die - showcasing their brightest and most unique attributes - trusting that it is time to let go of the decaying matter and rest in the trust that life will renew.  The leaves feed the ground and life continues in a rhythm so perfect and at times so simple that I can only see God's hand in the turning of leaves, to the dying trees, as the tree prepares for the sojourn of winter before resurrection.  

Until we let go of past bitterness, anger, frustration, hate, doubt - we cannot detach from the shadows, we are like a live person living in the frozen ground - unable to move forward, yet also unable to navigate the past.  We cannot grow, we start to die spiritually and physically.  Fall to me is a time of detachment from the world and a recognition of my meekness, the weaknesses of my heart and my inability of perception.  It is a time of quiet contemplation and arguing with myself - making peace with the person God wills me to be - the fire of the Holy Spirit burning with a refining fire - until the past is cleansed and I am made new in Christ.

Trees teach us so much about how to be in communion with God.  God is life, God is love and God is spirit and truth.  A tree is grounded by its roots.  It receives water from its roots and nutrients from the foundation of the earth as well as the sun.  The tree is perfectly grounded in the earth while constantly striving for heaven.

So must we aim to ground ourselves in the roots of Christ, and as the branches and leaves are not separate from the tree - so must we take our nourishment and faith from Our Father.  A branch cannot be self-reliant - it relies on the roots and tree system to survive.  

When we start to fall away from God we are branches without roots, unable to sustain ourselves spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally - we become dead wood.  We will fail to produce lasting fruit.  

Often times we fail to let our 'leaves' die and in turn allow God to renew our branches - we insist on holding onto things that separate us from God, resisting the HIS transforming power out of fear, ego, anxiety, greed...we each have a desire to control the roots - but we are the branches and a branch without a root system is unable to survive.  God's will is the best will for us and accepting HIS will is not a punishment or a restriction - I have come to discover that letting go of my expectations and in giving God free reign in my life has led to freedom and hope - I might not be able to partake in certain patterns - in time I find those patterns, though on the surface enjoyable - they held me back.

Trees understand when it is time to let go and give Glory to God in the process.  In dying they are born again, for a tree with a strong root structure - does not die will the winter - rather it waits and gathers - transforming itself in a new and marvelous turn of the seasons as spring arrives.

As we enter into Advent and the Christmas season we will be barraged by the stress of shopping frenzies, ad-campaigns, consumerism and more consumerism.  While I think shopping and holiday cheer is wonderful...may these final weeks of fall remind us of the simple graces of God's creation and that in detaching from the world we are not called to draw closer to God by earthly things - but we find God in the bounty of the Holy Spirit and the Gifts of God's grace and presence in our lives through the Holy Trinity.  

The trees die, leaving us a skeleton skyline, still richly beautiful as we are drawn to the heavens - nothing is more spectacular than a sunset - fire red - against barren trees lying in wait - in anticipation of life's cycle - never weary, but strong and steadfast in anticipation.  

Death on this earth does not have the final say if we remain rooted in God's grace through Jesus Christ.  While heaven and earth may pass away, the seasons change, scenery changes, life changes - God does not change and rooted in His Spirit as we detach from the investment in earthly things as our 'soul' proprietorship and instead let the creation of the earth draw us closer to the Creator, Our Father, we find that death does not conquer the soul and in Christ though we may die - our life shines brilliant as the autumn leaves, surpassing time - and we are born again to eternal life..a life not of decay and ash but of the promise of our coming Lord and the Resurrection.

May this season of anticipation, of mourning and thanksgiving - awaken in us anew the wonder of God in HIS Son Christ, the faith of endurance as we walk forward on our journey home.

54 Day Novena: Middlemarch

I am nearing the half-way point in the 54-Day Novena.  My petitions have yet to be granted still I prepare to thank God for answering my prayers.  Our anxious hearts search for God – questioning and demanding for His presence to be made known – in prayer God often does not shout to us or appear as a burning bush – God works HIS extraordinary grace in the fabric of life’s simplest wonders.  The gift I continue to receive from daily recitation of the rosary is the gift of God’s restoring peace amid the darkest storms of life.  Meditating on the mysteries of the rosary demands that I quiet my mind and my heart and let God in – not the testing restless spirit of anxious searching – the rosary allows us to quiet our hearts and be still.  It exercises are faith to not expect answers to every question – as much as the quiet resilient trust that God is with us.  Be still in God’s grace.

 

God is always with us – unfortunately so often we overlook HIS grace, his conversation as ordinary measures of coffee cups and hummingbirds.  We lose sight of the majesty and miracles surrounding us – we grasp at demands, hoping for which we can see-frustrated that God is not more visible – only to realize that God is always before our eyes – in the breath of the wind, in the harvest shower and rising sun, life is a symphony to God. 

 

When a person begins to pray – while we hunger for God – we often come to God with petitions, demands, and worries – God wants us to cast all our anxieties on The Holy Trinity – God wants to feed us with HIS Spirit – the problem with only focusing on petitionary prayer is we get so caught up in receiving answers to our prayers in a specific and often times miraculous way we fail to hear God’s voice – His call, and the cues directing us which way to go. 

 

The 54-Day Rosary helps to break down a soul from yearning for God to be an ends to a means to receive things of the world to bridging the gap from the material to the eternal Spirit of Christ and the power of that love.  We begin to reflect on the lessons of our life by studying Christ’s role as teacher, savior and author of creation – Christ’s holiest mysteries are fantastic miracles – yet many of the most poignant miracles are done in simple loving ways – God’s desire and purpose in our creation is for us to love HIM and in loving HIM we start to comprehend that while it is okay to desire the fruits of God’s creation – we must thirst for God.  If we don’t listen and trust to the still silent voice of God’s breath in our lives – we will never be satisfied and we will be faced in the agony of darkness.

 

I find that petitionary prayer, particularly in times of despair is closely akin to Christ’s Agony in the Garden.  He felt betrayed, hurt, fearful of death…the stress causing his sweat to become blood – Christ struggled at this point between the temporal fear based hunger of the worldly security that is passing before succumbing to HIS Father’s will.  Christ knows what it means to be desperate and hungry for God, Christ knows the temptation of wanting to seek comfort in the refuge of the world – but the world is an illusion – the comforts of the world cannot feed a man’s soul and the soul is the essence of man – it is the part we need to fill.

 

Petitioning for twenty-seven days in Rosary form forces us to examine the life of Christ and learn from His joys, sorrows and sufferings and triumph – in Christ we find ourselves both spiritually but also in the humanity of our flesh.  Christ’s life was full of all the complexity, hope, fear, anxiety and tragedy that defines the humanity of our experience on this earth – In Christ and through His disciples we are challenged with philosophical questions and psychology and spirituality – life is found in Christ because he lived and died as fully man and fully divine – and is our negotiator – a bridge from our humanity desiring God.

 

As you age you begin to truly grasp that life in this world is not fair – we are faced with famine, war, drought, flooding, natural disasters, terrorism and countless things to be fearful of.  Still Christ is with us and we should not be afraid.  In the flesh it is easy to question how God can exist so silently when people are starving and crime is rampant – still God is moving through us – in us and for us.  God is always present, always active, always listening – the question is what are we doing for God – are we listening? 

 

I find that the rosary takes the focus off me and puts the focus back on God.  That is not to say God doesn’t want us to talk to Him about our issues – He does – but if we start using God as our punching bag we fail to hear His advice.

 

I’m in a situation now I’m desperate to escape (work-related) and yet every opportunity to leave ends up being a dead end – I have questioned ‘why God’ paradoxically feeling guilty for my frustration because I know others are hurting – and that is a balance we need to question and explore.  God wants to answer our prayers – but he sees the big picture.  Sometimes that means moving people and opportunities into place to ensure the BEST solution.  That is why we can never give up on God when we pray…and the Rosary forces us to look inward to God. In purging ourselves in prayer we discover far greater graces that the gold we sought in our first petition...so when God reveals His answer we know it with trust and may we trust God's action even when it appears invisible to the limits of human sight.

 

Twenty-seven days of Thanksgiving in the Rosary also demands we fully turn over our suffering and worry to God’s care…knowing that even in the darkest of nights – God’s light will ignite the dawn and His stars guide us home.