God's Cry for HIS Creation

 Behold, the Lord will empty the earth^[a] and make it desolate,
    and he will twist its surface and scatter its inhabitants.
² And it shall be, as with the people, so with the priest;
    as with the slave, so with his master;
    as with the maid, so with her mistress;
as with the buyer, so with the seller;
    as with the lender, so with the borrower;
    as with the creditor, so with the debtor.
³ The earth shall be utterly empty and utterly plundered;
    for the Lord has spoken this word. Isaiah 24

This Side of Paradise is a blog of my journey in faith.  We live in a fractured world - the earth was created by fragments, fire and floods, earthquakes and windstorms, ice and debris, drought and renewal.  I find God in the natural world.  Nothing sings the glory of God from the Highest Heavens than a snow-capped mountain peak in the fire of July as I wander through a forest, discovering secret valleys and hidden streams.  A lonely canyon echoes even in the abyss: 'I am with you.'  God's grace and splendor can be found in all creation.  In Iowa, The Loess Hills are often overlooked as boring rugged patches in a sea of amber wheat - that has no depth of perception - flat and boring - yet the land is rich and bounteous in its soil and the mighty Missouri pumps water through the heartland. Water that fuels our crops and helps reap our daily bread.

One issue that is weighing heavily on my soul is humanity's blatant irreverence for God's creation.  We have rebuked nature and the beauty of the earth for short-sighted greed - greed that depletes our resources and dehumanizes populations (human and wildlife) while in the end only creating a vacuum of industry that is not sustainable. 

The earth is God's expression of grace.  The earth is beautiful, extraordinary and amazing - yet if you examine the geologic history of the world - God used extreme volatile forces to mold and perfect his masterwork - Look at Yellowstone National Park - volcanism and glaciation...The Great Smokies...Zion National Park.  God's glory resonates the most when he uses seemingly humble means to create the most extraordinary.  Zion Canyon was formed by the Virgin River, a small stream cutting and eroding away at rock - God didn't storm in with a league of sculptors, he uses the power of water to carve and create, to renew and chip away the old formless void into HIS creation.

I make these points because in our modern age of high technology and supermarkets and me-me-me culture of fast track apps we often fail to understand the complex interconnected natural world we live in. It is ironic that we think nothing of an overnight delivery across the ocean or an email hitting our in-boxes within seconds from a friend 3,000 miles away that we fail to understand how connected the natural world is.  We don't see how one small landfill causing toxic levels in an area stream can cause problems in a lake in another state.  Our planet is a biosphere with millions of smaller ecological systems that can be self-sustaining, but are still part of the larger global geographic system.  So pollution in China does affect the US and drought in Africa affects the US.  

Some of these effects are weather related, others are felt in our consumerism styles and food supply.  Drought in South America and Africa affects numerous worldwide industries.  Add in coal, mining and fracturing to the global scene and local problems become worldwide problems that not only ravage our environment, hurting food production - the greed also dehumanizes entire populations.

Many scientists say the problem is the human population and they rally for euthanasia and abortion.  As someone with a background in Economics and Behavioral Sciences as well as some coursework in Geography - for humanity to prefer killing our own to working to stop big oil and gas and GREED shows where the problem lies.  We as a human race have lost our moral compass and in doing so we are also losing touch with how to sustainably maintain a global economy.  

When you dehumanize and ravage entire areas of the planet to cater to short-term profit while encouraging an unsustainable consumerism - the effects of that sin turn deadly and violent if left unchecked.  

Instead of blaming overpopulation we need to look outside - to God's creation - and seek solutions for sustainability through conservation, alternative energy, reduced consumption, more viable long term production models and also decreased use of non-renewable resources, while protecting our renewable resources for future generations.

Many, unfortunately many Christians, don't want to give up anything - they want to have a lifestyle of buy now, pay later.  They would rather enjoy their gas guzzler and live easy lifestyle than work to preserve our land.  Many would rather cut down a forest for a subdivision (often one built on bare bones of the state code) rather than look for urban living solutions.  

 God has given us a wonderful earth - full of bounty and beauty and yet we choose to desecrate it by greed and apathy.

The biggest issues facing us right now are climate change (yes it is happening), but even if it wasn't we have an energy crisis and until we invest in renewable sustainable energy we will burn out and our society is no longer set up for a non-electric life, at least not in the U.S.  Electricity use is not a sin against God, what is a sin is how we use it and the way we obtain energy.  Coal is not viable - yet energy executives continue to lobby for coal in many rural areas with promises of jobs.  Those jobs are not going to be sustainable - the quality of life goes down with a coal mine - West Virginia won't admit it - but look at the number of issues with their water supply and mining deaths in the past century.  It has actually depleted use of other viable renewable resources they have - including water resources.

NASA has confirmed that the planet is losing water - our water supply is drying up.  This can no doubt be traced back to greed - where people have overbuilt and overused their resources.  The biggest threat, particularly in the US to water is hydraulic fracturing.  Nestle too has a notorious reputation for stealing water from area water supplies and selling it in mass around the world.  The CEO of Nestle does not believe that access to water is a human right.

God warned Isaiah of this in Isaiah 24.  Still while many believe we've already desecrated the earth beyond repair - I still have faith in God, but that faith must be exercised.  We must give up a part of ourselves to help protect our resources and be good stewards of the land.  It is not our land, but God's.  

 We still have a chance to beg God for mercy and to work to be good stewards of the land.  The Pope's new encyclical is truly inspired by the Holy Spirit and is also backed up by science.

I will begin to do posts on ways to help our environment.  A small act can make a big difference.

- Take only 3 showers a week for under 4 minutes. 
- Don't buy water made by Nestle and other vendors who abide by unethical practices
- Recycle 
- Buy organic, eco-friendly products.
- unplug electronics from the wall
- turn off lights when you leave the house 
- Take the bus
- Walk when you can (it is good stress relief too)
- So much of life style change is simple - if we just take time to think first about God's blessing of creation before we delve into our own desires. 

Prayer is a powerful tool in bringing forth change, but prayer is empty unless we work to enact change where we can.  Small acts - even just signing a petition help.  God works through our actions - so make them shout forth His Glory - even in the narrow roads. 
This has to be revolution of love of God by respecting all of HIS creation and not hording the gifts he has given us.

God has given us a warning - will we listen.

I will add fact checks soon along with other links, but I felt so compelled to write this - my heart burns for our planet.  God is languishing as we desecrate his creation - his grief is not only for the planet - but more importantly in truth because we are destroying ourselves, our souls in the sin of greed and apathy and our ability to live on the planet he gave us for cultivation.  

Prayer:
Father, most merciful, cleanse us through the blood of Christ
Help renew our hearts through YOUR Holy Spirit to be fed spiritually.  Cast greed and apathy from our hearts, do not let the flesh be ruled by the hunger of the world, but rather a hunger of serving you.  In service to YOU we are called to be good tenants of YOUR creation.  Help us to manage our resources in a way that helps to harvest your love throughout the earth and does not let sin take root and pollute the ground.  We pray that those in power who seek to desecrate your creation are uprooted and disgraced and that all nations work together toward a common good of conservation and hope that we can aspire to rise above greed, hate and war but to bring your kingdom to the earth by sowing your kingdom into the soil.  Help us to have fear of your creation so that we may honor YOU through it.  Preserve us, help us, remember not the filth of our sin and the stains on the ground - but clean our hearts and renew the earth.  Praise be to God
 

Overcoming the Darkness with Love's Light

Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me.
 

 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. John 1:5

This is a difficult verse for me to wrap around as I read the headlines regarding the hate crime in Charleston South Carolina.  I cry out to the LORD - WHY?   God is the antithesis of hate.  When hate occurs in this world it is a blasphemy against HIS Spirit.  Will the LORD stand up for his children?

The mountains echo confusion in the chambers of a human heart when we evil's darkness penetrates and seeks to defile through the chaos of hate.  As the sun rises and falls we are bombarded with stories of evil acts - hate rupturing the cords of society and dividing people against people and hearts against grace.  It is easy to trust in God's infinite protection and grace and steadfast love in the noon day sun when the light shines so brightly we feel the full armor of the LORD, in the darkness we cling to the half light of the moon - still the light penetrates the darkness.

We know God calls us through times of trial and suffering to refine our soul - we can survive the testing fire - however what happens when the darkness is so oppressive and violent - insidious that even the most faithful of hearts cry out 'Where are you God?'  God promises time and again to protect his flock - so how can a tragedy like the Church Massacre in Charleston's Emanuel African American Episcopal Methodist Church be reconciled in God's grace and loving protection.  If God is all mighty why does Our Loving Father seem so silent against the arrows of the night.  The arrows of evil that plunder and defile and wreak havoc on the brightest of beacons.  Where is God's sword of light when a darkness like a poisoned thief kills the most innocent of people in a house of prayer - How can we reconcile God's goodness and shelter when His own house is attacked?

The victims of the massacre at the Emanuel African American Episcopal Methodist Church were the lights of the world - beacons of hope and strength, perseverance, love and compassion, courage against fear, resounding truth, peace above peace, strongholds of righteousness and mercy.  The congregation is active in their community and an integral part of Charleston.  The church has a long legacy of faith and determination to pursue love over hate, and fight for life - life in God's eyes is precious - all humanity is equal in God's eyes - every human life is precious - every person can bring glory to God and is formed to bring joy into the hearts of their neighbors and community - the victims of this insidious crime were pure light of love - they walked in God's truth of forging peace and love in a troubled would.  They lived by the gospel of LOVE, and stood up even in their last breaths to hate.

*Please donate if you can to help the church via their official website.   Also consider sending a sympathy card of LOVE in CHRIST to the congregation.  LOVE moves mountains and heals broken hearts.  The deceased are with Our Lord - but may their legacy reverberate love on this earthly plain for all the ages!

It is devastating and daunting for a community to be faced with this sort of hate crime, especially as racial tensions stir up and people choose to cling close to fear - trusting in the darkness of fear and division over peace of God's light.



The world is a violent place - sin has contaminated this world - sin puts neighbor against neighbor and is the gospel of hate, not truth but lies and bitterness - anger and race. The biggest threat to our the world and particularly America right now is the gospel of hate.  Hate is a poison that devours.  Hate's mission is to divided and destroy and to raise men up in the armor of pride's destruction, greed and a cruel thirst to blood.  Hate is a sin that infests entire communities and works to prey on people when they are their most vulnerable.  Hate as the devil's tool seeks to destroy peace and there is no destruction of peace that seethes of pure evil's destruction than going and killing unarmed innocent people of God in prayer - particularly when the congregation opened their hearts and God's house to a man filled with hate.  The congregation chose love over fear.  Love is from God.

The devil, yes - this is part of his play.  That being said - it would be an insult to the victims to merely say the killer was 'possessed by evil'  - The killer made a choice to go against every grain of light flooding into his soul - he made a pact of pure evil when he made the decision to kill - not just to kill but to massacre innocent people - without cause - HE had an entire hour almost of hearing God's goodness and being confronted with the choice to do the right thing and accept even a scintilla of light to lay his armor down - and instead he chose evil.  I wrote a blog a few months back on how free will and our responsibility of choice is so vital in the world.  Choice is something we must strive to work towards with the heart of the spirit.  When we choose evil over even the simplest and basic of moral good - we let ourselves die - the only one accountable in the end is the killer.  I won't say his name here - because my concern is for the victims.  They are SAINTS.  I truly believe God has lifted them up - so while their lives were lost in this mortal realm - God has not forsaken His people.  Now God calls us to a big choice - the choice of how we handle the wake of evil and destruction - by revenge or justice - and justice must be neutral and healing must come from love.  

Hate wants war.  Hate wants division.  Hate likes to dismantle love through fear and oppression, persecution and racism.  Hate breeds anger and lust.  Hate lurks in the darkness and attacks the purest light because light is pure and radiates with such a fire of resilience the light of love is impenetrable by the dark - Hate only takes hold when we let go of love and the power of GRACE and service and give up - so many think hate is just a factor in the world.  They don't like hate but they would rather not get involved in standing up against it - they fear they too will be lost in the fires of hate.

We cannot afford not to stand up against hate.  United with stand, divided we fall.  Christ teaches us to love our neighbor as ourselves.  Who is our neighbor?  Our neighbor is all of humanity.  God is pure love - his universal order was built on love - the chaos of the darkness is an agent to keep us away from that love.  God is love.  The devil likes to destroy peace by rupturing the bonds of community and love - a community can only be as strong as all its parts.  A tragedy can build up or tear down a community.  When evil like this occurs the flesh wants to be angry and we should - but anger should be waged first in the acts of love.  Love of standing up against hate.  Love inspiring never to allow this to happen again and to promote healing instead of division, positive change over building up walls.  

It disgusts me that this happened, and I mourn for the victims, their families and the entire community of Charleston.  My family helped to found Charleston in the 1600s and I love the people and its culture.  It is a place that is unique and wonderful because of its diversity and depth of character.  The Gullah tradition and African American population is a heartbeat of Charleston - it is a breath of the city.  Charleston is known as The Holy City - a place of grace and fortitude.  It has seen countless trials and faced internal divisions - from the Revolutionary War to the horrors of The Civil War.  In spite of the hate that has tested this city - it always rises up with a spirit of resilience - gracious hope, love of community and a fiery passion to keep the Holy City aflame - peace and humility are the strongest chords I find in the city that though filled with tragedies of histories shadows - Charleston is rooted in hope and fortitude.

To question where is God in this - God was alive in every single one of the congregants attending the Bible Study - He lit the flame of peace and love and mercy and grace and perseverance to overcome the world and its evil in their hearts.  God fought for them - in the end evil won a round on the surface, but God always wins the war - hate cannot sustain itself - hate divides - hate demolishes.  If we choose to bow down to hate and name-calling and prejudice and fear all is lost - no one will stand. We can only win the war when we transform our hearts with the Gospel of LOVE - a gospel of truth and peace I know surrounded the victims even in the fear of death.  God has lifted them up - I know HIS justice is perfect.  Each of the victims I trust is in GLORY in heaven as a Martyr of the Church with Christ.  For the world first hated Christ, but Christ overcame the world.

Evil can only when if we stay silent.  If we stand up in love and come together with acts of love and work to rest in our differences - then we can build a kingdom that is rooted in strong community and pure light.  Darkness only wins when we take evil as the status quo.  We adapt to evil with apathy and even adopt attitudes of prejudice and division.

Where is God in this - God is in the healing.  We live in a sinful world - a world of sin that led God HIMSELF as Christ the Incarnate Word to be persecuted and crucified for preaching the truth of LOVE.

I am filled with anger at the injustice of so many wonderful people's lives lost and angered that God did not save them in the flesh during the massacre - but I also trust the soul of God's divine love and that love always wins.  In this temporal realm ruled by the injustice of hate we can submit to evil or we can rise up by the Spirit of LOVE and stand up for the oppressed and stop the violence.

The innocent lives lost did not deserve death - at least in their death let's remember their love - let's come together - fight for a better future where hate does not rule our hearts and seek to divide and destroy.  Let's be vigilant with the light of the LOVE they had in their hearts and sow the seeds of their light in this dark world.

As Americans we must not put salt in the wounds of hate that try to divide our diverse country - but rather mend our hearts as one united nation.  A nation rooted in the Independent Spirit of the pursuit of happiness, justice, peace and freedom.  Freedom to worship is a tantamount founding principle of America.  While our country has its scars - we are better together - working in the spirit of independence as a nation - not in the division of hate and selfish individualism that seeks to tear us apart.  If we learn one lesson in this painful, horrible and heartbreaking tragedy that never should have taken place - may we turn not what is dark and guard our own hearts in fear and discord - but turn to LOVE and fight for our nation.  God is not of the world but even in HIS perfection and universal power he humbled HIMSELF as man to live in the world of sin and triumph over it.  Sin only leads to darkness.  May the light of love guide us home so we can RISE UP not in rebellion but in unity as one.

Nothing speaks to this more than this statement on the Emanuel African American Episcopal Methodist website:
 "Jesus died a passionate death for us,  so our love for Him should be as passionate." -Sister Jean German Ortiz

Evil attacks, evil killed God himself as Christ, yet evil does not conquer love.  Jesus's light of love overcame the darkness.  We too must take all suffering, tragedy - fighting the forces of hate with the unity of love as Christ loved us.

My heart is aflame with hope as I read the stories of Charleston coming together in prayer.  Prayer seems so small now - but God is always with us in prayer and prayer also is an act of lifting one another up in LOVE.  Love is the Gospel of LIFE.  Love is the light that can win the war on darkness.  Even in the darkest hours God's light of love is at work and HIS justice will not be forgotten - even if we don't see it in our earthly pilgrimmage.  God is at work and we too must work in HIS SPIRIT.


Prayer:
Dear Lord, I cannot comprehend how your loving infinite heart can allow men to enact such violence.  Where are you?  Will you rise up?  I know you gave YOURSELF body and soul for justice and peace.  You created the universe - yet the world you created hates your light.  It would rather fall into the abyss of hate than rest in the peace of your justice and pure truth.  Shine your light in our hearts through YOUR Holy Spirit Lord.  Grant the victims of senseless hate crimes peace.  Invoke humanity to rise up in love instead of hate and work to prevent such hateful crimes from taking place again.  God you are pure love and I know the victims rest in the eternal peace of Your care.  May we bring the peace of heaven to earth through laying down the sword of hate and taking up the shield of righteousness.  Grant us faith in dark passages and the light of your Sacred Heart to penetrate the darkest of evil.  For evil only sows evil and revenge never executes justice.  Teach us your justice and grant peace to all who cry out to YOUR healing grace.  We pray particularly for Charleston and the holy faithful of the Emanuel African American Episcopal Methodist Church that they may be strengthened by the tears of heaven - for you cry tears for all bloodshed and dry the eyes of those who mourn. 

Where is God when a tragedy such as the Church Massacre in Charleston's Emanuel African American Episcopal Methodist- HIS glory is in the light of the lives of those who were lost and we carry their light with a hope of love and active change to pierce the darkness with the light of their strength for good. 

The Divine Architect

In our 'wrestling' with God we reach several critical climaxes that force our shattered souls to admit our brokenness and beg for healing.  The hardest part in wrestling with God is accepting HIS love.  God's love is an act and gift of grace - purely inspired by love with no agendas - just love.  His justice is born out of love.  Our desert trials are refining us to draw closer to the Living Waters of Our Father.  Why is it so hard to accept God's love and submit our souls to that perfect love which completes us?  The flesh is rebellious and independent - it is fueled by fear and desolation, heartache and regret - it has an addiction to sin - one of the biggest sins of the flesh and the spirit is pride.

Pride is often seen as a 'I am a god' mentality - where you boast about your accomplishments - in truth pride lurks in even those with the strongest of faiths.  Pride prevents us from embracing full communion with God, partially driven by fear that in HIS light we'll be made aware of our nothingness and the fact that without God we are nothing.  It also means that we cannot be self-reliant - so anchoring in a turbulent sea of the soul.  

Pride hides behind the shell of humility.  How often have you denied God's existence or ability because you claim 'I'm not worthy?'  I do this everyday - I have been taught from a young age by my father and other significant influences that I am nothing - I mean nothing.  In truth God is the center of the universe - he created infinity, countless galaxies and constellations - it is easy to ask time and again - if the world hates me - then how can God truly see value in me?

Christ acknowledged this: 'If the world hates you, remember it hated me first.'

How can the world hate God?  God created everything - from the far off galaxies and solar systems, countless stars and planets - God is our creator and the power that exists - from HIM comes all power and creation - How can the world hate God when God created everything - how can man despise God - the answer is sin - and the sin that spurs this hate is pride.  In pride we are desperately in need of God's love but we would rather deny HIS existence or doubt the role he plays in our life.

I've debated this today, my heart aching at the thought God - the creator of all the universe cared nothing about me - I can never doubt through science that there is a Divine Creator - the universe even in its chaos is too fine tuned and beautifully glorious to be random - it has an energy source greater than all of science can imagine - God.  

In the human mind and ego we instantly say - 'What stake does God have in my life?  Why does he care about a screwed up planet seething with evil when there are probably countless other planets teeming with life he has to deal with.' 

God doesn't think like we do.  God's energy is pure love and out of love he wrought us - God doesn't need us - but he loves us - love goes greater than need.  Love is the act of loving for the sake of loving.  God's creation is most glorious in our imperfection because what greater display is it to love that which is broken - the love that can heal the brokenhearted and guard their hearts is a love that is pure and more powerful than the universe itself.  

I have been struggling with doubts about whether or not God will answer my prayers.  I am a faithful person, but I have been beaten down emotionally - God sometimes seems so deathly silent - in truth God has a bigger plan - I had to endure the fear of the loss of not having HIS love and the contemplation that we are but dust in the universe of billions of light years.  Dust we are made - God gives us His Spirit.  

I have wrestled with theories of an empty God that creates without being active in our lives - an energy that set the laws in motion and a God that exists but has too much on His place with laws of the universe to listen to our small - often petty prayers.

The thought of not having God in my life as a friend, guardian and teacher made me see how empty my life could be - how worthless I was without God's love.  It showed me the unimportance of so many trivial worries and temporal anxieties.  When we examine our lives and consciences under the microscope of the entirety of the universe and order of the cosmos - our lives not only feel small and unimportant - we also gravitate away from getting so enmeshed with the petty disputes and grudges of our daily lives we lose a key macro perspective.  Our planet is volatile and chaotic - with earthquakes and hurricanes and floods.  The mountains we climb are nothing compared to the expanse of the heavens - examining our faith and our conscience under the weight of the stars we are left with a void and longing as big as the heavens - our desolation makes us thirst and hunger, our bones broken as we are paralyzed in the weight of our unworthiness.  

Then we crack into a different skin of pride - the skin of pride that is the dark night before the dawn - the pride where we see the vastness of the universe and examine our sin and our unworthiness and want nothing to do with God because we are unworthy.  How does this classify as pride - so broken and disgusted with ourselves we dare not to trust to look at God?  Surely this is humility?  NO!  I have been in this fetal position lost and disconsolate so many times because I am analyzing God by the way of human hands and minds.  I argue that God is not concerned with He is all POWERFUL and created the universe - I am just one person.  I am not worthy.  However I came to the place that I realized not accepting God's love because of our unworthiness is a pride of distrust.  We don't trust God will love us purely because the world hates us and has an agenda averse to love.  God is love - His ways are not our ways.


I then contemplate the countless other planets - do they have life?  If so why would God come incarnate as Christ to save this corrupted planet from sin - God not only saves us but gave us HIS very Person in Christ to live and die in the flesh and spirit - Christ then blessed us with the Holy Spirit - what sort of Creator of an infinite universe could do this?  Can it be real?  We are not worthy enough.

This question seems one for the modern age where we deal with science against God and human ego against faith - when prayers seem unanswered we'd rather be cynical than search God for understanding.  We would rather assume that the universe randomly came into being rather than trust that there is a Divine Architect - a Creator.  We use God's gift of science to elevate human hearts to think we are a god and technology is our altar of worship.  (Interestedly enough the new Jurassic World movie, like the originals, delves into some of the moral implications of our worship of technology and satisfying the needs of human desires and the motives in war and consumerism).

War - humans keep thinking if we rise up and rise up in battle again and again control over the world will have stability and peace.  The only peace comes from the Spirit.  For humans desperately try to exercise their power in this realm - but apart from God we are nothing but dust. 

I went through a day of questioning God's role and nature of existence after watching a segment on multiverses.  My logically mind demanding answers to questions raw and unanswerable in human capacity.  I kept going back to 'if the universe is so enormous - God cannot care about me.'  

It was only after hours of prayerful discernment and reading scientific articles - I started to understand the purpose of this wrestling in the galaxy of fear, doubt and distrust - I had to master that chaos of doubt to fully understand God's divinity and his strength.  For the past few years I have been grasping in faith - believing in God, but distrustful of HIS promises of listening to our prayers and standing beside us in the trials of life.  Prayers were shouts - begging and desperately hoping with less than a seed of faith - God showing me the dust in my flesh against is supreme authority reminded me that God can do anything and not to doubt HIS glory.  It also revealed to me God's great love for me and that if HE created all the heavens of the earth and has chosen to adopt me as a child and heir of Christ - then I must fully surrender to His love.

God also spoke to me through HIS Holy Spirit - whispering 'six days.'  The world was created in six days (although I believe God is so infinite we cannot even begin to perceive time in HIS care) - the symbolism here is six.  On the sixth day Adam & Eve fell from grace - yet it only took God 'six days' to create the universe.  This reminded me of my own brokenness and God's saving hands - like a potter he refines us and builds us into a sure foundation.

Still the biggest question that tested my heart and logical mind - was the question of Jesus.  Why would the Master & Commander of all of Creation - send a part of HIMSELF - his very essence to earth to live as a human in humble circumstances and die for our sins.  The perspective of God as Jesus shifts your perspective of his suffering - God chose to suffer and to be human.  

The Holy Spirit led me to realize that while we see this as absurd - not worthy of the glory of God.  What greater glory is there to lay one's life down for His friends?  When God came to earth as Christ he flipped the order of His upside down and honored His Holy Law so we could be saved.  God knows His own power - he doesn't have to prove HIS glory - the universe is display alone of that.  However in HIS love, God understood how much we needed His Glory for the sake of life itself...God's will in becoming the Incarnate Word - Jesus Christ was purely an act of love.  The greatest power - the mightiest of might giving up His life, His power to live amid His creation is a gift that blows your mind.  What glory and passion would God have in lifting up the powerful - no God knew His power and creative abilities could rewrite our salvation - and that is the greatest Glory of God - deeper than the cosmos and deeper in love than the infinite universe.

God became man and lived and died to teach us the Way of HIS Truth and ignite the purest light of love in a broken world.  Only God can heal our wounds through the grace of Christ.

When we pray do so boldly and in confidence for OUR God created the heavens and the earth - all that is seen and unseen.  He loves you as a child and delights in loving you.  Love the Lord with all your heart, soul and strength and He will reward you will life abundant in the spirit.  If the Creator of all things is on your side what do you have to fear?

Wrestling with God: The Grace and the Glory

The surest victory in life is when we surrender our will to God.  Surrendering our will into God's care is a fierce battle - a war that rages inside the depths of our soul and our psyche - begging the questions - do I need God?; where is God in suffering? Does God love me?  'What is the point of it all?'

In my personal journey the hardest wrought question isn't a question of salvation.  To me it has always been easy to trust in Christ's atonement for our sins.  Easy?  

To me imagine an existence without a Creator God is implausible because the more I study science and history the more aware I become of God's divine energy - the light of love that inexplicably penetrates the darkness of a methodical existence.  Some scientists who guise love as a coping mechanism or pure chemistry - while science plays its role in emotions - there is a spirit that moves and is in the deep hearts of our ocean of doubt - there is a silent shout of glory that penetrates our hearts when we look out and see a sky full of stars on a sleepless night.  Science is far too complicated and too precise not to have a divine architect and a master planner.  Step into the ancient eons of Yellowstone and Zion National Park and even out of the chaos of there creation there is a master divine plan - an energy of unbridled beauty that bursts to life.  

Even in the depths of depression and anxiety - my analytical mind searching out and testing every fraction of evidence in search of God - I always came back to salvation.  Trust me I have struggled in the darkness - each time I fell away from belief - it was driven by bitterness and anger.  It is only in the presence of God's SPIRIT I feel complete peace, hope and discernment.  The more I look to discount God, HE keeps revealing HIS truth.


Where I lack trust has been in the day to day wrestling with God on small day to day issues.  It is easy to believe that God created the universe(s) and the order of all things - it is too precise and extraordinary for spontaneous combustion of sorts - God's spontaneity is creative but boldly and elegantly precise - able to move freely but still within an order of HIS LIGHT.  Of course God, like a CEO is going to care about the big picture issues - the universe and all the laws of motion - but where do we fit in.

I trust in God's love through Christ's redemption.  But even then it has been hard to accept my worthiness coming to the Master of the Universe as a loving father.  Redemption is an act of grace - but God's grace for me was skewed in my every day life - battered and beaten down by countless years of heartache - trauma and seemingly fickleness on God's part - in truth I was the fickle one - wandering far from the care of the Creator, the Master of the Universe, my loving God - I was lost in the cold, harsh reality of a life that is spent only by the toil of the ground - the curse of Adam - the pain of loss. 

We all want to admit we trust God as Christians, but we would be lying behind a veil of pride if we said we never have doubts of HIS Presence, because our human nature is so chained to the temporal ways of the flesh - the carnal world - to fathom a loving God in control of the universe and deigning to care about us - wayward 'parasites' - logic tells us - God is too busy for us.  Logic says, Christ died and rose again for your salvation - the rest is up to you. 

We wrestle - we debate - we scorn - we shout at God - we turn away - we grasp at our faith with one foot in antagonism and the other in busted bruised hope. Christ faced this sort of doubt on the Mount of Olives (his sweat as blood asking HIS Father to take the cup of death away from HIM if it was the Father's will) and Christ's cry to his Abba, 'Why have you forsaken me.'  Christ did not lose faith in spite of the agony of the temporal pain that wrestled in HIS soul = Christ keep his faith steadfastly in the Father's care, casting aside his fears and surrendering to God's will.

 In my prayers the past few months the Holy Spirit repeatedly said 'I cannot speak to you until you stop worrying.'  The demand to stop worrying in prayer - it frustrated me - how can I stop worrying when I have a desperate need and God seems nowhere to be found.  Doesn't God want to hurry up and help us when we are in a state of worry?  He does - but we cannot hear the spirit in panic - panic is chaos and disorder - God is peace - we have to let the peace in so we can discern HIS will for us.

The faith questions that cause humanity to break their backs and falter remain most constantly with the smallest of concerns - the petty fears weigh us down and teach us to clutch fear instead of the armor of God's grace in Christ. We get tangled up in day to day fears.  

There are big questions about the universe and science and the future of the human race we should be debating God on - yet the flesh is concerned with food, shelter, clothing and our daily lives.

Since my youth I've protected myself by putting a wall of energy around myself - a wall that prevents my opening up to certain people - I guard myself and in guarding myself in fear of betrayal - I also found myself distrusting God.  Could he really

So much of my self-worth was lost in trauma.  Where was God?  Do my hopes and dreams on earth matter?  Why won't God answer my prayers?  If he is all-loving why do I feel so desperate and abandoned. How can God allow suffering in the world?  If I am an heir of Christ - why do I feel so desolate and void of HIS love.  I then debate my worthiness before Christ, deliberate on my shame and my guilt...I block the pain by emanating a terse tense shield of attacking energy around me - a method I learned in youth to block pain and disappointment.  I'll be the first to admit I've been disappointed in God.  I have felt let down and hurt and forsaken. I found that I could trust in salvation - but any temporal concerns on this realm are just vanities God doesn't have time to concern himself with - still I wrestled with God - demanding answers and begging release.  Each time I fell down - instead of submitting my will to HIS completely I clutched my guarded heart and prevented God's light from shining in.  I wrestled with God - I still wrestle with God.

When we wrestle with God it is a fight we will not truly win because God is the creator of all that is seen and unseen.  HE is GRACE, JUSTICE, LOVE and PEACE...darkness is not dark to God because HE is pure light.  Christ is from the Father.  The Holy Trinity is one - one God - almighty and immortal.  God's love and divine wisdom compels us to wrestle with HIM.  For only when we 'wrestle' with God can HE bring our impurities to the light and help us find the humility to seek his redemptive salvation.  This salvation is more than eternal life - it is about becoming free on this life - of finding the peace to LET GO of all the negative energy and 'vanities' we cling to and almost worship as our God.  If I prayed as much as I worried - my soul's foundation wouldn't be so cracked.

Finding redemption is not about escaping suffering on this earth - nor is it a free pass to hedonism.  God's grace is deep and holy - a fire that refines and rebuilds.  When God tests us HE molds us into a new creation - we are transformed into our best selves.

I am going through this process of letting go and trusting GOD more.  God wants to hear our prayers - HE wants us to argue with Him in searching for Truth - but we like Abraham must be willing to listen.

I am going to do a series of blogs about Jacob Wrestling with God.  

This is one of the most important faith journeys depicted in the scriptures because it reflects our own personal relationships with God in this life - we are called to God - we aim to seek the blessing of God through worldly measures (Rebekah and Jacob deceiving Isaac and Jacob instead of trusting God's promise; slaving away for Laban...) - God is always waiting to accept us and to teach us HIS ways - our spirit yearns for God - but the flesh is restless in peace and wanders after selfish desires.  It is only when we realize that only God is immortal and only HIS presence offers us peace and joy - not the world - but the sheer presence of God - can we return fully to Him to surrender.  This challenge of surrender is a battle.  Our flesh and ego fight to keep us from TRUTH.  I know because I'm in that battle - it is a process of surrendering all my fears to God and learning to Trust. 

Jacob's sin and fear of Esau prevented him from resting in God and taking ownership of HIS blessing.  It was only when Jacob - desperate, alone and in a state of fear and weakness at Penuel as he fled from Laban into the crossroads of a brother he'd betrayed did Jacob start to truly rely on God.  Before Jacob conversed with God - had faith in God, but he did not TRUST in God and not only did Jacob not Trust in God - he Trusted in Jacob-himself and in the spell of lying and manipulation more than God's mercy and truth.  Jacob learned his lessons through Laban's trickery - it took Jacob being defiantly broken - ready to wrestle with God not out of ego but in desperation for peace and HIS blessing that Jacob succumbed to God's will.

Genesis 32:22-31English Standard Version (ESV)

Jacob Wrestles with God

²² The same night he arose and took his two wives, his two female servants, and his eleven children,^[a] and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. ²³ He took them and sent them across the stream, and everything else that he had. ²⁴ And Jacob was left alone. And a man wrestled with him until the breaking of the day. ²⁵ When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob's hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. ²⁶ Then he said, “Let me go, for the day has broken.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” ²⁷ And he said to him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.” ²⁸ Then he said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel,^[b] for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.” ²⁹ Then Jacob asked him, “Please tell me your name.” But he said, “Why is it that you ask my name?” And there he blessed him. ³⁰ So Jacob called the name of the place Peniel,^[c] saying, “For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life has been delivered.” ³¹ The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip.

The symbolism in this short passage pierces the heart of our battle in this life.  We are constantly putting ourselves at odds with God - often times purposefully testing HIM out of our feeble faith and astounding doubt.  In wrestling with God and surrendering ourselves to HIS blessing we come in strong as a lion - carrying the weight of our anger and worry and fear like a sword of fire - this is a fire that burns us to ash - it is only when we admit the emptiness of our power of the power we clutch - and submit in grace to God's power do we relent.  We win the battle with God, not by our merits - but through Christ - and when we wrestle with God - winning the war by submitting to faith, like Jacob we are forever changed.  Our limp is one of the flesh - the flesh can not longer keep us enslaved - humility crowns the soul in the triumph of the Holy Spirit.  

Did Jacob really wrestle with God?  Was it an Angel?  Was he really wrestling with his twin Esau?  In a bible study with a Rabbi and several Christian ministers we debated this encounter.  I think Jacob wrestled with all of the above?  How?  When we wrestle with God we are forced to examine our life, our past and our present so we can step into God's future plans for us.  Jacob buried his guilt over betraying his father and Esau with anger and resentment, hate and extreme fear of His life - much like Cain who did not feel remorse for killing Abel - but had fear of death.  Jacob had to be willing to let go of the dead sins of his past, admit the wrong fully and fight the demons of his past before he could cross the river Jabbok - the symbolic crossing to new life. 

I think Jacob in wrestling with God - had to face down his biggest fear - Jacob had to fight himself - he had to wrestle with the part of himself bound by doubt, hate, trickery, pettiness and all the other inhibitions that blocked him from moving forward into God's inheritance of mercy.  

The scariest thing we face in life is confronting our own shadow selves.  Many of us try to suppress our 'shadow selves' - only to be at war with ourselves and in this war we rarely bring our faults to God - our lack of faith is something we like to hide behind yet it is a mistress that breaks the fealty of our bond with Christ.  

We must all ask God come in like the Angel did in the night - when we are at are lowliest and weakest point - we must surrender ourselves to God, even if we have to fight ourselves and our flesh to claim victory of the SPIRIT. 

The good news is God is always willing to intercede with us and to help us.  What we must realize is that God does not work for instant fixes - he understands the cancer we cling too in sin and fear and is going to use the best treatment to exorcise it from you - sometimes that means you have to face your anger and wrestle with the pain you long to extinguish - you have endure the pain to let it go.  

I buried my anger at my father's hate for years and it swelled up like a cancer of bitterness - it was only until I wrestled with the anger in the presence of God's care - asking God to help me get through the pain and gnawing away at the depths of the anguish did I finally declare victory.  God makes us participate because he wants us to learn, to grow and HE understands the depths of endurance in order to obtain a blessing - not by obedience as much as the process of detoxing - the process of metaphorically tearing off an appendage (how often to we walk in fear, judgment, worry, hate...); instead leaning on HIM.  When we limp in the flesh as Jacob did - suddenly we find anything but the SPIRIT and will of GOD is emptiness.

This is seen as Jacob goes forth and prepares to meet Esau.  Jacob probably wanted God to say 'hey I forgive you and you will never see Esau again.'  God doesn't work that way - the forgiveness was an act of grace, but for Jacob to truly surrender to God he had to face down his fears and admit the wrong he'd done to his brother.  Esau forgave Jacob.  We too cannot hide in the shadows and assume God will ignore our sin - if we truly want to be rid of sin we must 'wrestle' with God's grace and completely surrender to it.  It is a gift we must receive and accept with a contrite and humble heart.  God will continue to search your heart - purifying it until you can look God 'face to face' and stand in His Glory.


That is why Jacob could not longer go by his earthly name - He became Israel - when we are transformed and reborn in God's grace we are made new and the flesh is no longer our guide - yes we will stumble and wrestle, but the victory has been won.  Jacob-Israel recognized his brokenness and understood his desperate need for God's love and HIS blessing.  Jacob demanded it because it was all he could do to earn God's help - it was not a merit of obedience or perfection - Jacob won because of God's grace - God heard Jacob's supplication and showed mercy.

Prayer:
God of all mercy - we wrestle with our faith as the sins of the world, debilitating suffering and insecurity about our worthiness leads us to crouch in the shadows of doubt.  Rest assured we can be healed by the blood of Christ. Cast your light of mercy on us so that we may be made aware of all our darkness - and in acknowledging our sins of the flesh we may atone for our sins and offer up the sorrowful passion of your dearly beloved son Jesus Christ our Lord, to bind our wounds to teach us to forgive and accept forgiveness - to trust in YOU and to walk in the path of your grace.  In the wrestling of flesh and spirit we pray that YOUR Holy Spirit will always prevail and keep us in YOUR everlasting light.  In our weakness be our strength.  In our injustice, be our justice.  In our fear, be our hope.  In our sin, be our righteousness.  Glory to God of all peace - who fights as a warrior for our souls.  May we surrender to your will in Christ's name we pray.  Amen.

Choose Life in the SPIRIT

The Holy Spirit rises like the sun in the darkest night of the soul; when our breath is short, the SPIRIT gives us light so that we can breathe in the life of God's grace.  The SPIRIT is a strength that can penetrate the fortresses of fear and anxiety that wall us in from the life of love God wills for us - the solitude of peace that is aflame in the gift of grace.  The Holy Spirit created the heavens and earth.  It is a SPIRIT of power and might - and yet it whispers, it whispers grace petitioning our hearts to let the spirit in - The SPIRIT is ready to work in our souls - the problem is we let the flesh get in the way.

 

Worry.  It has been my lifelong companion.  I have clinical depression  only exacerbated by years of emotional abuse that culminated in a thirty year time frame.  My mom has been my anchor in the family - always standing up as my go-to - we have lifted each other up in love.  Both of us were broken by betrayal and loss - bound up in love - love heals wounds.  Love is God.  When love is at work in the world it is the Holy Spirit - God in motion - moving and guiding us to love and peace.

The Holy Spirit is the indwelling of God in our hearts - a gift of immeasurable unfathomable grace.  It is the life that kindles the fire of every heartbeat and every breath of the lungs.  The Holy Spirit wants to speak to us - are we ready to listen to the divine perfect guidance of the SPIRIT of GOD within us?

The past year has been a culmination of an end of years of struggle and upheaval in my life - abuse and pain, heartache and despair.  Throughout the trials I held strong to the faith in God - but as I cross out of the desert years of the wasteland of fear and woe that left me broken - I discovered while my love for God was pure my faith strained to trust in God's love.  How could God love me when so much pain kept happening?  I felt like a failure because I did not live up to my own inflated expectations.  I felt like a failure because I was not doing as well as those who sought to harm me (I"m not smart enough, or successful enough) - these are words I heard my whole life and I started to internalize it and let it corrode my self confidence.

My reliance on God was completely invested in trusting the forgiveness of sins and knowing God would grant mercy and allow me into heaven - a powerful gift, but in prayer I found myself assuming God had too many other things on HIS plate to help me.  I sought the WORD of God and studied the Bible because of my love for God.  I knew God loved me - but I began to trust my brokenness rather than God's faithfulness - I got so caught up in fear and anxiety that instead on leaning on God for understanding and asking the Holy Spirit for discernment - I kept cutting myself on the shards of broken fragments of past pain, I was paralyzed in the dead roots of a past unresolved - instead of turning over that fear and anger to God.

There were times i felt so oppressed by my pain and the hurt - the loss of love, the abandonment and unworthiness I nearly committed suicide - I had that sort of despondency 0 I felt I let God down and I even asked our Father in heaven - why he formed me in the womb.

I was led by the Spirit during that trial to Deuteronomy 30:This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live


 We are called to CHOOSE LIFE.  For a species that is so survivalist - innately doing whatever it takes to 'survive' we often choose death - spiritual death and make choices that harm the flesh and spirit.  In choosing fear we forsake the trust of the blood of Christ that can bind us safely in all trials with fortitude and flight in the SPIRIT.

I trust in Jesus is something we often say but struggle to back up in our actions - our mind snarled around knotted worry that tempts us and wears us down - we walk with the weight of fear - it is a ten ton vicious prison - a heavy yoke around our neck.

Jesus commands us not to worry and to cast all our anxieties on us because HE cares for us.  That sounds great in theory - but in practice we struggle in our human nature to turn over worry to God - we claw at our fear and try to control every aspect of our lives - we grasp at straws - suffocating the light and life of the Spirit that fuels us int he process.

A few weeks ago I was deep in prayer - begging desperately for some direction - but all I could think about was my worry - future, finances, housing,health - I could not simply rest in God's peace -even my petitions were so thorny and twisted the roots were out of fear - not faith - my intent was right in searching God for help - but God reminded me through HIS SPIRIT - 'Adele until you stop worrying I cannot speak to you - at least cast a little of this on me.' 

Over the past two months, thread by tedious thread of worry and doubt I've handed over to Christ - and The Holy Spirit. I still find myself frustrated when I don't hear the SPIRIT - or I find peace out of reach - but I rein my senses in and remembering I have to CHOOSE to let the SPIRIT work and sometimes the journey of igniting the spiritual fire of TRUTH is a process that takes time to refine the impurities and completely extinguish the dark spaces within ourselves.

Darkness likes to hide - we all have fears and regrets we don't want to rupture - but until we let them come to the light and hand them over to God we'll be fighting within ourselves.

I had a dream last night that spoke volumes to me.  I was in the process of turning on St. Mary's Street to walk to my old house when in the middle of the road a huge oak - dead without any leaves and white-ashen appeared - I heard a voice 'it is okay to let go' - I think the tree is a symbol of my deep roots in the past and the problems in my family tree that have left me feeling cursed and forsaken.  The tree is dead - and yet it felt alive because I was allowing the tree to live in my present.  I needed to turn away and move forward because when God brings us out of a destructive situation he does so with extreme care - he doesn't want to fix the broken shards of a past that is cursed by sin and death - God brings us into new life witht he SPIRIT and Christ makes a home in our hearts with the SPIRIT.

Turning oneself over completely to the Holy Spirit is not easy - I am still on the journey.  The journey is one of fortitude and redemption.  Every second I am endowed with the peace of SPIRIT the unquenchable fire of hope, love and faith fills my being and ignites my heart to CHOOSE LIFE.

I am finally letting the dead roots of my past, the snarled knots die and I am planting new seeds in the promises of Christ where the Holy Spirit will guide me and keep me safe in the shelter of the Most High.
Praise be to the Holy Trinity

Questions I know you have - I pray for the Spirit to guide me but I don't feel the SPIRIT within me - I feel to lost?  I have also been led astray by this doubt, but the SPIRIT moves like a fierce loving whisper - often sparking our intuition or prompting us to take action - the more you listen to the cues the deeper the relationship will go.

For instance if you see something having a hard time carrying groceries - and you are prompted to help them - that is The Holy Spirit.  If you are prompted to read a certain piece of scripture and it speaks to the heart of your concern - that is the Spirit at work.  If you are on a hike and feel an overwhelming peace of the beauty of your surroundings - that is the SPIRIT at work.

Jesus promises we will receive the Holy Spirit if we ask Jesus into our hearts and we will receive the gifts and the fruits of the spirit in the grace of Christ's suffering, love and resurrection as well as our own labors in leaning on Christ for all understanding.

Sometimes the easiest way to start a conversation with the Holy Spirit is a prayer and reading a few bible verses.  Be willing to truly turn yourself over to HIS care and wonders will never cease in your life of faith.

We have a choice - free will is a gift and a burden - we must be willing to engage our hearts in God's SPIRIT otherwise we will die.  So if you are going to CHOOSE on this narrow path - CHOOSE Life - life is always abundant in God's Holy SPIRIT - even when we are faced with insurmountable trials - God grants us the fortitude, wisdom and peace to overcome the world through Christ.

Lost in the Holy Spirit: Our Guide Home

Holy Spirit come into my heart
dwell in my soul
be the ruler of my heart
The guardian compass of my life
Inspire the beauty of God's creation
in my humble bones so I may walk closer to the divine light
of our Savior's love
Let me be rooted in YOUR truth so I may eat the fruits of YOUR vine
and blossom spiritually as an agent of hope and love
sowing mercy in a broken world
beautifully broken, healed through God's grace upon grace
Come Holy Spirit come 
with YOUR mercy
Make YOUR home in my heart

- poem I wrote to Holy Spirit

As I move forward in my life out of the dark spaces of a broken past, I often find myself so blinded by God's infinite goodness, the eyes of my soul feel as though I'm a grain of sand - I don't know what direction to blow - the ocean tides draw me in or struggle against the winds.  I know God is present, alive, awake in my heart and I am overwhelmed by the beauty of HIS love for me and the sorrowful passion and resurrection of hope through Christ.  I am willing to serve.  I am ready to turn over my fears to God and cast my net in HIS infinite waters of peace - yet I have found that my mind is still so racked with the remnants of worry and scars of the broken fragments of my fractured hopes that now that I have been set free, physically and mentally I don't know where to go.

A huge part of me feels so undeserving because you realize the infinite goodness of God's love and the eternal peace of his SPIRIT all of the things I languished over seem like dust in a barren field - how to I come closer to HIS word.  What does God will from me.  Is loving HIM enough - is my desire to do great things for God and humanity driven by the SPIRIT or my own ego or both.

People who come out of abuse (domestic violence, psychological, sexual abuse - there are thousands of abuses that go on in the world sadly that try to sever a soul from the peace of God and usurp HIS kingdom on earth), war or famine - are grateful for their freedom but before they can truly walk forward into new life - there is a critical transition of not only letting go but learning to trust again - to trust God and in that trust letting go of all the noise in our mind and listening to the Holy Spirit and hungering for the spirit.

A few weeks ago I went on a walk.  I had done a lot of prayers and really worked to turn over the weight of worry to God.  I suddenly felt light as a feather as I walked as though I literally had been dragging a one ton chain around my neck and suddenly for a fleeting moment I felt the flight of freedom.

I say fleeting because the flesh works hard to draw us back into panic and fear - in this critical stage of allowing our spiritual eyes to adjust perception from the wake of abuse to God's care, the chains of oppression to Christ's freedom and the fiery sustaining wind of power of the SPIRIT - we have to go through a purging process - this is a choice we make - it is hard and painful - but each day, with each prayer we heal and we let go of just a little weight until we completely trust in the power of God even in times of tumult and fear.

I think this is why counseling and prayer are so important for abuse victims and those suffering from PTSD.  The Holy Spirit is the GREAT Counselor - helping us purify our soul and of mind and body - while going to therapy and working steadfastly by our own will to embrace the change we desire and allow transformation to occur in our hearts and minds.

 
I have been abused financially by members of my family and from a young age I developed neuroses about my self-worth and also a fear of never being able to pay my bills because my father continually deprived me - the money was not the core of my anger - money is only paper - it was the lack of love - yet I thought I could compensate by just getting enough money through jobs to prove I was worthy of love here on earth.  I knew God did not judge my debts and financial portfolio - but the world weighed me down after I was attacked by bitterness - the shard of glass in my spiritual eye blocking me from the fullness of God's grace because I could not perceive HIS work in my life.  I thought I was disappointing God because I wasn't successful - but I find the only success that truly matters is that our souls are secure in God's hands and we have a true love of God before material things.

The Holy Spirit is always ready to answer our prayers - to guide us and give us direction - but the Spirit is boldly humble - meaning the SPIRIT has the power to destroy or create the world in a word - yet the SPIRIT wants us to be in a journey towards Christ and the Trinity and that means we need to listen, to trust and to completely turn over the 'noise' of fear to the SPIRIT.

How do you do this?  It is isn't easy because we are so grounded in the temporal fears of the flesh - I finally had my breakthrough in an hour a day of prayer and thanksgiving to God and really working through mindfulness to turn over every anxiety to God.  I'll continue to discuss these techniques in future posts.

If you pray to the Holy Spirit for help - HE is there but be ready to embrace the change.  Don't live as a slave when you have been set free - realize your MASTER is a loving God who doesn't want slaves but friends who serve out of love.  That is the greatest gift in the entire universe.  And it is at times overpowering - yet if we take even five minutes a day to de-clutter our mind and wait on the SPIRIT of Truth - HE will guide you.

So when I pray now to help get into a better financial position, for HIS help with my creative pursuits and life issues - though temporal still wage war on our souls - I now rest in the promises of the Holy Spirit  - I try my best to be mindful of subtle clues that come in like a windstorm - for God is not one of confusion - but he often speaks through our intuition and what we understand in symbols - i.e. a bird in flight might signal you need to let you life take a new direction.  It might not be the complete atlas to the universe you are looking for but we don't need that when we have faith - let God be our air traffic control, let the SPIRIT take flight.  The Rosary for me is one of the powerful tools of contemplation because it forces me to redirect my chained thinking to the freedom of The Holy Trinity. 
 

This is one of my favorite prayers to the Holy Spirit (from a novena on this site and others) because it reminds us that God helps with temporal things -but we must never let the material cause us to lose sight of the spiritual for then we are truly lost.


Holy Spirit, You who make me see everything and showed me the way to reach my ideals, You who gave me the divine gift to forgive and forget the wrong that is done to me and You who are in all instances of my life with me, I want to thank You for everything and confirm once more that I never want to be separated from You no matter how great the material desire may be. I want to be with You and my loved ones in Your perpetual glory. Amen
In Jesus Christ, your Son's name, I ask that you grant me (state intention) 
Praise be to God for HIS Mercy and the fruits of the SPIRIT

God is an Anchor of the Soul

³⁵ On that day, when evening had come, he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side.” ³⁶ And leaving the crowd, they took him with them in the boat, just as he was. And other boats were with him. ³⁷ And a great windstorm arose, and the waves were breaking into the boat, so that the boat was already filling. ³⁸ But he was in the stern, asleep on the cushion. And they woke him and said to him, “Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?” ³⁹ And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. ⁴⁰ He said to them, “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” ⁴¹ And they were filled with great fear and said to one another, “Who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?”

Storms come in like wildfire and floods - tearing apart worldly foundations - even the best built edifices can collapse and fields of crops damaged in a instant.  Storms are a thief in the night that robs our temporal peace and suffocates our clarity.

 
The account of Jesus calming a storm has countless layers regarding human existence and our relationship with God.  In one short episode we see humanity's panic and dread and mistrust of God, God's peace even in catastrophe and abounding love - the power of faith and the paralyzing doubt sown from fear.

We are all like the fisherman - when storms come and they do we feel forsaken - we blame God or we internalize the blame on ourselves in a dysfunctional way that only upends our faith.  Internalizing blame refers to a situation where a victim is abused and when they don't perceive God in their life they internalize all the pain and allow it to fester in a self-blaming and projection model.  

We have a choice do we let life's storms extinguish the light in our hearts - leading us into great darkness or do we CHOOSE GOD in Christ and let the Holy Trinity be the anchor of our soul and our navigation guide.  I think everyone, especially those of faith want to say they 'choose God' but the flesh is drawn into fear - biologically we are wired to panic - but panic only clouds judgment - which is why fight or flight only works in sort bursts as a life saving mechanism.  Too much cortisol, too much adrenaline - leaves us weak, dejected and in a constant state of havoc physically.  We just have a hard time perceiving God's promises as TRUTH when we are in the valley of the shadow of death.  We expect immediate rescue from our burdens, but God has a bigger plan and a more infinite picture of the depths of a situation, the needs of our soul and the canvas of the world wide picture.  That is why faith is tested and refined so sharply in the storms of life.  

Like the disciples instead of looking to God and trusting in the peace of the SPIRIT, the promises of Christ, God's mercy and love and prayerfully discerning the situation we frantically run around trying to solve the problem - crying out 'God, wake up.'  

Jesus was sleeping because he knew the peace of God and trusted His Father to save them.  Does that mean we put ourselves willingly in a storm - the path of a tornado and sleep as it rages - expecting God to save us?  NO!  Jesus is rather calling us to let God be the anchor in our storms and to trust that HE is with YOU even when it seems you are forsaken - God does not forsake a heart - especially one that is rooted in HIS love.  If you are rooted in the love of Christ you will have an abounding peace to persevere through crises and to have the discernment of the Spirit to help you find the best way through.

Symbolically this passage referring to the crossing the Sea of Galilee is parallel to our lives - life is crossing an ocean of obstacles, joys, pains and sorrows and beauty beyond imagination - it is only in God's care can be be sustained and find our path to distant shores.   God has the power to calm storms - if a storm is not calmed the way we expect - then God has a better solution - God is working in the best interest of your soul - keep your eyes set on God and the road opens up and life - even in chaos - is filled with God's peace - a peace that endures.  Christ died on the cross - instead of succumbing to fear - he fearlessly trusted in the Father's will and that trust not only wrote the salvation of our souls but afforded Jesus resurrection and glory.     

Do you not think that God who is the Spirit of love, hope and charity, justice and peace would be so fickle as to not hear the cries of creation and rescue us from storms - when God lets storms come - he also wills them to pass - the storms of life will come and go, God is eternally present - if we anchor in His Spirit we will not only endure but we will deepen our relationship in HIS Word made Flesh - Christ and be moved by the grace HE provides to sow grace on the earth.  The Holy Trinity is an anchor to the soul, a lighthouse navigation system and a compass when all other directions fail - God's direction is true and steadfast.




Fear and anxiety are pathogens - spreading worry, hate, anger and doubt in the hearts of humanity.  In a world that at times seems so blackened by the wages of sin - war, famine, drought, materialism, poverty, consumerism and economic strife it is easy to lose sight of God's tender care in our life.  When our signals are so jammed by catastrophic fear we fail to hear God's directions.  We lose reception of His Divine navigation - when instead of laying worry at His feet we insist on fighting through troubled waters.  Evil exists in this world and we need to fight it by the Holy Spirit's call of love, mercy, charity, active compassion - but above all we must fight evil through petitioning God and TRUSTING in God's will.  It is easy to assume God doesn't want to be involved.  Jesus has come, died, rose from the dead - the Gospel is in our hands now and anything else is our problem.  It is a fair question on the surface - how can we trust God's peace - the peace of Christ and the Holy Spirit when we face hurricanes in our lives that rail against the soul and leave our flesh broken and brittle.  We often cry out:

'Oh my God, why have you forsaken me?'  'Where are you God?'  'Do you care?'  'Why does God allow suffering?'

First off God doesn't allow suffering - we do - it is a virus that we may not be able to extinguish but it is our duty to show mercy and work in acts of kindness to alleviate one another in our burdens as we come to the crossroads of life.  God is always at work in suffering - using not the evil - but the good of refining love through trial and fire so that we can have the strength to turn from evil and embrace LOVE eternal - love eternal starts now and we need to step up our role as servants in the kingdom.

Still the question lingers - for a God as awesome and mighty as our God why does He often appear invisible?  I think the better question is why are we so blind?  Because God is always speaking to us through The Holy Spirit - calling us to his narrow road - but we are afraid - we are afraid of suffering ourselves, of storms, or we don't really want to give up the sharp edged sword of anger.  Until we ask Jesus to be our anchor in storms we cannot move forward - we are like lost sheep running into the hills without a map - wandering aimless and afraid, bitter and angry - frustrated and disconsolate.

Over my life I have encountered raging storm after raging storm and I kept vigilant watch for God to rescue me.  When the culmination of the pain hit a suffocating breaking point I nearly gave up the fight - I almost said 'okay, help isn't coming in this life - I guess I'll suffer through.'  While suffering can be a great gift from God to teach us empathy or help build our character - suffering in bitterness and panic is not productive - it is wasting away energy and our lives.  We will fail to move on from the suffering that isolates us until we learn to let God anchor our soul and the Holy Spirit be our navigation system.  This is a lesson I am still learning, but each day peace grows within my heart and even in storms I am able to have fortitude and perception instead of an overwhelming despair of 'all is lost.'

Nothing is lost when we cast our anxieties on Christ.  God is at work - even when it seems as though He is sleeping - The greater question we are compelled to ask is 'are we at work'- or are we too busy worrying and panicking to seek out the Lord - seeking out the Lord beyond worry and doubt and accusations - to a coming of grips of asking God 'I am afraid, I cannot handle this - be the anchor of my soul, guide me through these stormy waters.  If it is your will clear the storms in my life.  If the storms are in your will teach me patience and faith to endure, learn and to always be anchored in YOUR SPIRIT'

I think coming to this peace is a lifelong journey - but it is a peace we must strive for.  We get so focused on Demanding 'WHY LORD' - instead of 'Help me, Guide me, Keep me in your still waters, anchor of my soul.'

This is a radical concept for me in my faith the last few years - as a child to my early twenties I always relied on God and trusted Him in life's storms, but the final hurricanes left me so broken I thought I couldn't be repaired and I lingered in the anger, drifting at sea - I let go of my anchor - I was not lost, beyond God's gaze, but I left myself drift into doubt.  God rescued me.  His grace abounds even in the midst of storms.

You see this in natural disasters - the devastation is monstrous - yet miracles do abound - maybe not as many as we'd like to see - we focus on the loss of life - but what about the survivors and those who helped a neighbor in need.  God is at work.  God wipes every tear.  Jesus calms the storm.


Invite Jesus to be the anchor of your soul through prayer, meditation and reverence - see God's glory in creation - not the temporal storms of fear - for suffering will pass - love will endure and God is eternally at work for our highest good.

I have let go of my fear tangled knot by tangled knot, but I have striven forward in peace - slowly breaking the waves of tumultuous waters through faith and thanksgiving and relinquishing my power to the only one who can truly sow peace in a human heart - God.

Mary, Mother of Mercy

 In the past two months I have been partaking in a series of intense prayer devotionals and bible study.  One of my focal points has been the role of women in The Bible and God's grace throughout scripture.  While The Bible is often seen as patriarchal - in truth God's mercy outstretches in GRACE throughout the Holy Scriptures from the fall of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden to filling the barren womb of Sarah, consoling Hagar, Miriam's outspoken faith, the conversion of Rahab, Ruth and Naomi, Hannah, Abigail and Esther...the list goes on.  One of my favorite characters in the Bible is Leah - who though married to Jacob is not loved by Jacob.  Jacob is desperately in love with her more beautiful sister Rachel.  God sees Leah's pain and aches for her lonely heart - he fills her soul with the gift of several children - but no amount of children change Jacob's heart - it is only when Leah fully submits her heart to God is she complete - God saw the pain and worked through human weakness to heal the broken shards of heartache - God wipes our over tear.

It is in this journey - a journey where I have shed the final layers of my own despair, desperation and worry from the pain of past abuse that I was drawn to Mary.  Although I was raised Protestant, I have always held an adoration to Mary as the mother of our dear Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Her heart was fired in the sustaining power of God, she chose obedience out of love.  Obedience out of servitude and slavery is nothing more than a hunger of fear.  The fear that paralyzes and cripples a soul. 

While many Protestants have shied away from devotion to Mary as being too Catholic, I think it is an insult to Christ and to God not to adore and honor Mary because she fought ever worldly temptation and fear of the wrath of the world - instead of holding tight to her worldly reputation - she actively chose God's will. I adore Mary as a model of how to live in loving obedience to God because she gave her all to God through her active choices to choose God over the world. She chose to submit her life in love of God and to purify her heart for God. Can you imagine if you were a young girl, unwed, who suddenly was pregnant - no one would believe you were a Virgin and called by God - imagine the ridicule, the chastening, the hate, the desolation of being ostracized by all you love and your community.  Compound the burden of giving birth to the Word Incarnate - God incarnate - the burden of raising God as your own son - the pain of knowing his life would usher in a Holy Kingdom - but the Messianic mission would pierce the hearts of mean and set nation against nation.  In spite of all the obstacles and fears - Mary chose God.

 

What I think is remarkable about this is that Mary was not blindly devout - she understand the intricate nature of the risks and ridicule; at the same time God's proposal was one on faith - The Angel of the Lord, Gabriel told Mary's God's calling in her life - but Mary did not receive a blueprint - she would have to wrestle with God's calling her into sorrow and tribulation - while resting in the joy of God's grace through Christ and his grace in selecting Mary, a lowly handmaiden, to carry out HIS divine plan for salvation on earth.  In choosing God, Mary also chose mercy for mankind, willing to sacrifice her own temporal fascinations in the eternal glory of giving birth to Jesus.

The life of Mary is one of active faith, struggling in doubt and fear and yet always choosing God.  God through Jesus came into the world as a vulnerable infant - Mary charged with caring for her son as a mother and also the guardian of the Messiah - but in choosing God, Mary also was called to her most important role as mother - because God made himself vulnerable - in a position where he relied on the love of humanity and in being forsaken by humanity his love for humanity was even more glorious - for Jesus like his mother chose The Father's will -  God's Will even when it seems muddled and confused is always the best way forward.
 
Do you think Mary - a Virgin carrying the Word Incarnate in her womb expected to be forced to give birth to the King of Heaven come to Earth in a stable...or to have her baby be pursued by Herod - only days out of her womb - Herod wants her baby dead - How could God allow this?  Mary and Joseph are forced to be immigrants in Egypt and in foreign lands before moving back to their homeland.  Think of Mary's sorrow when Jesus went missing in the Temple for three days or she saw her son crucified.

Mary teaches us another vital issue.  God is immortal.  God is Holy.  Jesus is God Incarnate - but God throughout the ages in spite of HIS Majesty, His Glory, Wrath and Fire of Creation - desires a true relationship with humanity - yes God wants our reverence, but not as slaves but as true children - who love their parent and long to be in relationship with Him.  Mary's devotion to both God and to Jesus is an example of how to model our own relationship with Christ - with reverence, love and a direct relationship as a friend and parent.  We are all adopted into the family of Christ.  Mary both loved her son in all ways a mother should and Jesus honored his mother with obedience and listened to her instruction (Cana) - and Mary held all of this close to her heart and loved Jesus as a son and revered Him also as God and trusted God the Father's purpose for her.

I recite the Rosary daily and I enjoy meditating on the Hail Mary. 

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee
Blessed are thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus
Holy Mary, Mother of God, Pray for us sinners now and at the hour of death.

I often say the 'Hail Mary' - a prayer which I think is generally misconstrued by Protestants who think that Catholics worship Mary.  There is a strong difference between worship and adore and worship and venerate.  Look at King David - do those of Jewish faith worship David?  No they worship God, they honor King David for he was beloved by the Lord - even in His flaws.

The biggest argument of apostasy with this prayer from the Protestants, particularly Baptists is that Mary is not holy because she was a sinner and also we should pray to God instead of Mary.  I have even heard some people say that Mary should be held in no higher regard than any other sinner saved by grace - she is not that important.  Unfortunately I see these arguments as bigotry against the woman who was physically the Mother of Mercy - Christ is our Mercy and Mary is His Mother.

So if you break down the Hail Mary prayer, the first two verses come from the Gospel of Luke.  So two thirds of the prayer is directly from scripture.

The Angel Gabriel approaches Mary with a greeting that invokes the most important call to choice in history because by Mary's saying 'YES' to God's Will she can help God sow his plan for redemption as promised to Eve in Genesis.  I think it is vital to emphasize that God did give Mary a choice.  While God's will is always the right path, God honors the gift of our free will.

If you look at the scripture from Luke below, it is doctrine that Mary was called by God and said to be 'full of grace' or as the modern translation states - is a favored one.  Many anti-Marian argue that Mary is without grace and she needs Jesus just as anyone else.  Mary is like everyone else in the fact she needed God - God the Father showed His Grace on Mary - was this grace not a gift of God that she was from a young age filled with love of God and obedience to God - that is a grace in itself.  Mary in my opinion had to be full of grace and fully free of sin to carry Christ.  Otherwise original sin would have penetrated the core - this is a Holy Mystery - but to discount Mary as not being 'favored' or 'full of grace' is not biblical.  Mary was born lowly in stature - her Grace comes from God - God filled her heart with grace and reared her in His Spirit so she would be Holy for her calling as the Mother of God. If you believe that Jesus was fully human and divine - don't you think God would select someone of extreme love and grace to raise His Incarnate Self? 

When Jesus dismisses His mother and brothers during a sermon - saying 'Who are my mother and my brothers...' this is an invitation to the GRACE God grants us through salvation - Mary was not being dismissed by her son as much as Jesus was through God's power showing the love and grace God provides to all creation - all creation - in accepting God is part of the Holy Family of the Trinity - we are God's children - brothers of Christ.  Mary though I'm sure hurt by the statement - also trusted her son and His mission enough to set her pride aside and understand her purpose was not to rule over Christ but to serve her beloved son and in serving HIM, serving God's Will. 

Birth of Jesus Foretold (Luke)

²⁶ In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, ²⁷ to a virgin betrothed^[b] to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. And the virgin's name was Mary. ²⁸ And he came to her and said, “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!”^{[c] 29} But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be. ³⁰ And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. ³¹ And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. ³² He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David, ³³ and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end.”
³⁴ And Mary said to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?”^[d]
35 And the angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born^[e] will be called holy—the Son of God. ³⁶ And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. ³⁷ For nothing will be impossible with God.” ³⁸ And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant^[f] of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.


The second part of the Hail Mary:
'Blessed are thou among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb'
This verse is from Mary's visitation to her cousin Elizabeth, who in her old age was freed from her barren womb and had also conceived a son - John the Baptist.  Elizabeth acknowledged the importance of Mary's blessing by God and her blessed role among women as carrying the fruit of the entire world's salvation - Jesus, the Son of God in her womb.  In a culture where childbirth could bless a woman's reputation or leave her broken by the stigma of being barren - Mary was giving the ultimate blessing by God, even more than Sarah or Hannah or Elizabeth.  She is a symbol that God blesses His children and blesses those who are weak but ready to serve His will. 

Luke 1:41-42a "When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the infant leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth, filled with the holy Spirit, cried out in a loud voice and said, "Most blessed are you among women..."

Luke 1:48 "For he has looked upon his handmaid's lowliness; behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed."

Among all women is a way to say the highest/greatest etc. of a group in Semitic languages (these words would likely have been spoken in Aramaic). Mary is being called the greatest of all women, greater than Ruth, greater than Sarah, greater than EVE!  Since Eve was created immaculate (without original sin), Mary must have been conceived immaculate. And, although Eve fell into sin by her own free will, Mary must have corresponded to God's grace and remained sinless. She could not otherwise be greater than Eve. Thus, as the Fathers of the Church unanimously assert, Mary is the New Eve who restores womanhood to God's original intention and cooperates with the New Adam, her Son, for the Redemption of the world.

Read more: http://www.ewtn.com/devotionals/prayers/rosary/scripture.htm#ixzz3cFva0Ttg

And why is this granted to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me? Elizabeth speaks to Mary in Luke 1:43

Mary's acknowledgement of her blessing by God is also acknowledged in the Magnificat
 for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant.
    For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed;
⁴⁹ for he who is mighty has done great things for me,
    and holy is his name. (Luke 1:46-55)



The third and final portion of the Hail Mary is the most controversial and yet for over a thousand years it has brought peace and hope in the power of God's divine mercy.

Holy Mother of God, Pray for us sinners now and at the hour of death.

Many take offense at Mary being called Holy - but God through Christ calls us all to be Holy and I cannot think of a more Holy Mother than the mother of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Holiness is reconciled through our sinful nature by grace and also in acceptance of grace by full submission to God - something Mary did continually during her life acting both as a mother and servant of love for her son. 

In Catholic tradition - the concept of praying to heaven for intercessory prayer is part of doctrine of stance in the Church  - as a Protestant I'll admit I was bigoted about this practice for many years because I thought Catholics concept of praying to saints was worshiping the saints.  NO!  The practice of praying to the saints is actually asking the saints for intercessory prayer - you ask the saints to lift you up in prayer to God - you are asking them to pray for you to God - Christ is still directly the intercessor.  This is no different than requesting prayers from a friend or a church.  While it may seem odd - it is not a practice of worshiping a saint - you venerate the saint and ask them to pray with you to God.  I see this as a statement of faith in Christ's promise that if 'two or more are gathered together in prayer I will be with you.' 


Fundamentally it must be known that Catholics - though they ask Mary for intercession - they too also pray directly to God and believe that Christ will hear the prayers of any that come directly to Him.  The advantage of Mary's intercession is she has a motherly love of her son and will petition for all of 'Christ's adopted children.'  Mary underwent many hardships and is an anchor of faith in dark times - helping us as a counselor in dark times - leading us closer to the light of God's love.

The intercessory concept of praying to Mary is also found in the Bible source of the story of the Wedding at Cana where Jesus performed his first public miracle when His mother told Him the wine was out and petitioned her son to help fix the problem.  Jesus in mercy to hope of His mother in Him and mercy for those in need (albeit it a small need - but ritually important as part of the wedding ceremony) Christ rushed to act.

Whether or not you embrace the 'Hail Mary' as a devotional prayer in recitation of Rosary or merely choose to honor Mary by learning lessons of faith through her role as a mother who served God  - Mary worth examination and veneration.

Jesus cared so deeply for His mother than on the cross he asked John to be her son and look after her. 

In a series of posts I am going to highlight The Rosary.
 
Why The Rosary?  It is a powerful devotional prayer that focuses on the Holy Mysteries of Christ's life and in reciting the 'Hail Mary' it helps to draw us closer to Christ and also examine how Mary - who as a mother dealt sharply with the sorrows of her son and trusted in the promised Glory of God's hand - chose to endure and persevere in faith - we face similar faith challenges and doubts having an example of following the obedience of Mary is a compass towards deeper communion with Christ.

Since starting The Rosary two months ago - my anxiety has diminished and I have felt the peace of the Holy Spirit kindle within me - because the Rosary helps me put Christ's life into my life plan and in contemplating the mysteries of the Rosary I continually discover God's great love for me and the Glory of Salvation and our call to Proclaim the Kingdom and active Love our neighbor in the grace and mercy of Christ.

I also will feature Rosary devotions that do not use the Hail Mary or use a shortened version - although I think if you set bigotry aside and contemplate the scripture as you say the Hail Mary it leads you closer to Christ and the distinct relationship of Mother-son or in our case Our Father in Heaven-His Son and our adoption as heirs through Christ