Step into the LIGHT of CHRIST

The empty tomb remains bare, the light rushes in to obstruct the darkness.  We often forget to recognize that it takes light erupting in darkness to create shadows.  The presence of light is where shadows lie. Shadows are dark, deep places we often associate with fear, doubt and hopelessness.

The disciples who knew Jesus as a teacher and friend, were in mourning – they were so focused on the shadows of his death – the idea of an empty tomb – a risen LORD seemed impossible.  It took opening the tomb – emptying the tomb to wash away death with life – instead of making room in our hearts for the light, emptying the darkness in our soul – we cling to shadows of doubt.

 It pesters my mind, like water circling a drain, as to why when we are graced with such heavenly light do we retract our focus to the shadows – allowing fear and doubt to usurp the pure joy and peace of Christ.  Why do we push way the gift of life, and cling to fear?

 Easter is a celebration of LOVE, LIGHT, Hope and JOY, yet as the light floods in we have to examine our lives in the light of Christ.  Shadows try to distract us from the pure ever-living light of the LORD, a gracious light that can guide us even on the darkest of nights.

As we continue on the Resurrection journey with the Risen Christ we are called into the light – the light of Jesus is Gracious.  

For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open. Luke 8:17

I think the primary reason we hold to fear is that as much as we hate anxiety and anger – it has a power and the darkness is a good hiding place – we fear that if we allow or fears and anxieties to come before the judgment of God he will take HIS light away – NOTHING could be further from the TRUTH.  Jesus lived a life of a selfless service out of love, He died out of LOVE – HIS Life was a LIGHT of LOVE – we are broken and light of Christ is the only medicine that can heal our spirits.  God knows our fears – but we have to by FREE WILL turn over the anxiety to HIM so he can work in our lives and help HEAL us.  It is like having a cavity in your tooth you don’t deal with because you don’t want to pay for surgery and deal with the pain – but if you don’t get treatment you can develop tooth loss, decay and other health issues.  God wants to heal us in Light – step out of the shadows and accept HEALING

The Gospel of John tells the story of Thomas – who in time has received the unfortunate moniker of ‘Doubting Thomas.’ Jesus first appeared to the other disciples while Thomas was not present. 

Jesus Appears to His Disciples (John 20)

¹⁹ On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jewish leaders, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” ²⁰ After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord.

²¹ Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” ²² And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit. ²³ If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.”

I imagine Thomas was working or ministering to those in grief by Jesus’s death.  We often think of Thomas as the doubter – yet the other disciples were also plagued by fear, holed up in hiding – uncertain of the future.  Thomas was outside, he was living and trying to be out in the world in service.  While that might sound grievous considering Jesus’s death – Jesus said ‘Let the Dead BURY the DEAD.’  I’ll come back to this passage time and again because such a simple statement has infinite truths in our lives depending on the situation.  The bottom line is life goes on and death should be turned over to God’s hands.
 

That is the PEACE Christ gives – rising above challenges and fear, coming out of the shadows into HIS Divine Guiding LIGHT.

Jesus Appears to Thomas (John 20)

²⁴ Now Thomas (also known as Didymus^[a]), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. ²⁵ So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!”

But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

²⁶ A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” ²⁷ Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

²⁸ Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”

²⁹ Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

It is easy to criticize another for doubt in scripture. However we must let our own shadows of fear be exposed to God’s light – because we are all like Thomas and that is okay.  I think it is wonderful that this is the scripture on the Sunday after Easter because humans are creatures that are shortsighted – we get caught up in a frenzy of hope only to allow one small obstacle distract us from our journey – this can be applied to faith, to work to secular tasks – this is a material and spiritual condition for humanity.  It is easy to forget drought in a rainstorm, until drought comes again. 
Thomas was honest enough to voice his doubt because he wanted truth – Jesus is not a God of confusion – through the FATHER he offers us wisdom through the Holy Spirit.  Jesus did not condemn Thomas for doubt but rather revealed HIS Glory, while reminding those who follow that we must give up our doubt in faith.  

Doubt and Faith can work together – because we grow stronger in faith when we discuss our doubt and analyze it before God and ask for guidance – the deeper we sow our faith the less doubt we have, but you have to dig through the surface of fear and allow light to hit the shadows before you can accept TRUTH.  

Many question why we are tested – particularly as believers – why do we have trials.  Suffering comes as a result of the world – it is the double edge sword of free will, but God’s Light never lets us go through suffering alone – remember Christ suffered and through trusting in the Father, the peace of forgiveness and work of the spirit – his Resurrection was more than just coming back from the dead – but a LIVING HOPE

 

I have an anxious mind.  A lot of this is rooted in abuse and trial from an early age.  When I was four years old I saw a white light amid daffodils – my Grandmother Ruby loved Daffodils – I was filled with the Holy Spirit and a peace of knowing Jesus was real and my father in heaven cared for me.  Unknown to me at the time, my father’s disease of Crohns was leading him to a destructive path as steroids corrupted his mind and heart. God came to me in light to remind me that I was loved and though trials come as long as I set my sights on HIS light through Jesus – I had a FATHER in Heaven who cares for my needs.  It wasn’t a free pass out of trial – rather a light to guide me in darkness – so I would never lose sight of life’s joy and hope.

To nonbelievers this might seem like a crazy tale. I am not the sort of person who expects everything in a miraculous mystical way – I’m an INFJ – which means though I am wired by intuition and empathy – I’m highly rational, critical in my thinking and academic.  I’m spiritual and concrete. 
Throughout the trauma and abuse of my childhood, God was always a light and a Father I could trust – not to block me from the destructive forces as much as refine my spirit not to become bitter – to choose light over dark and love and mercy over the hate around me.  He provided me with a loving mother – who is my best friend and grandmothers who advocated for me.  

I bring this up because I have let some of the pain from my past nag at me the past year – failures of my past and collapsed dreams and hopes – left scars I never fully let heal – I cloaked the pain, publicly acting like I had forgiven the wrongs, while at the same time bitter that I did not have someone standing up for me in trial.
I could not understand why God did not enact justice with a financial issue that really blocked many paths – I keep asking for him to heal a broken situation in the wrong way – I trusted the fear and hate instead of turning it over to God.
While God does want us to use pain and suffering to be emboldened in Christ and refined to face trials and acknowledge faith – when we allow the pain to keep us set on the past and our mistakes and the failures and brokenness within us – we cannot be healed by the Light of the Resurrection.
I have always been a person of faith, but like Thomas I came to doubt the PEACE of the risen Christ.  If focused on the calculated world around me – instead of listening to the Spirit of PEACE.
I have anxiety – PTSD – which God expects me to work through a psychological, scientific and spiritual process.  We need to express our fears, but we cannot be paralyzed by fear and doubt.  We need to be open to healing – healing through the body, mind and soul – God cannot work through us if we cannot by our own FREE WILL turn over the pain – sometimes we have to do it bit by bit.
Forgiveness is not necessarily a one-time life changing immediate earth shaking event.  Sometimes forgiveness comes bit by excruciating bit as you peel back the layers of your soul, talk it out with God, look to scripture, find support in psychology and cognitive therapy++ We are all built differently – the important part is in our struggle with faith and doubt, anxiety and peace we must keep moving forward to the LIGHT of LOVE – so we can be resurrected in PEACE.
I know that I need to turn over my anxiety mentally – from point of reason and resolution, but the spirit of fear fights to keep me set on the shadows – to focus on the false cognitive wiring of cognitive distortion.  For me this was worthlessness, and inadequacy – even in this state I hold empathy and compassion, but if we cannot uplift our own souls we are not a strong foundation for others.   If we hold onto anger and doubt, self-hate then we cannot be of service.  Life is about service both to God and to the world – serving the world (the earth and humanity) in the spirit of love and peace.

Christ is about salvation of the soul – yes – heaven is our great reward…but I think we fail to comprehend the psychological truth and practical guide for living in this world Christ gives us.  Anxiety does not solve our problems, doubt rooted in fear does not provide answers…discernment comes from a place of peace.

Worry does not add one day to our life – in fact worry sows worry and reaps anxiety and fear and in that cloud of darkness we do not see the light of hope and doors opening right before our own eyes.
Does that mean we don’t acknowledge real issues – of course not – evil exists – so does GOOD, I have bills to pay – so if I have to cut back this month on going out to the movies or travel – then so be it.  PEACE does not come from affluence of material goods, but peace of spirit to handle and tackle all trials that come and count blessings even in the darkness.

We need to let go because the past is dead – take the lessons and joy – be grateful but remember you cannot go back, even if you could until you learn the lessons and find the peace to move on you can never be happy and fulfilled – this is a physical, psychological and spiritual truth
When you have mental illness (depression in my case) and have faced a cruel set of circumstances you begin to focus on negative thoughts – while you should be realistic and take the lessons, particularly regarding setting boundaries and the benefits of ‘burning bridges’* there is a stark difference between negative thinking and constructive thinking.  Negative thinking only looks at the shadows and harbors in darkness and despair, constructive thinking holds a candle over the situation – analyzes the pain – focuses on solutions and works for healing.

 In burning bridges you Let Go, Let God and resolve with NO CONTACT because some broken pieces cannot be healed by us and are not meant to be healed – we rather need to let the broken glass of pain go and turn it over to God – an example of this is my abusive stepmother – I forgive her spirit – I still take the lessons and do not approve of the abuse – but I don’t allow it to dictate my life or my relationships any more.  God has it in his hands.)

 
I love to explore the wilderness – I have camped in some of the darkest places on earth – strangely it was on those desert nights and mountain hikes I found God closer than ever because I was able to focus on the light of the stars and constellations – the silence of the wild afforded my mind a respite and forced me to focus on each breath and moment.  When the sun rises in the mountains it bursts like a spirit of raging hope.  In the sunsets in Yellowstone and Zion National Parks I experienced the shadows refined by the light – in a symphony of glorious beauty –where the impending darkness does not bring fear –The symphony of light is one of the most glorious and mysterious gifts we receive on earth. 
When the night is darkest look to the stars – if the stars are hidden under clouds look to the moon and if the moon is absent, look in the quiet spirit of light within.  Christ will never leave YOU.

 A favorite verse of mine in troubled times is 1 Peter 1...remember when you have doubt and fear talk it out with God - he will give you discernment of spirit - part of that comes from trusting to cast all anxieties on HIM because when we allow anxiety to rule our emotions we will NEVER think straight - just a hodgepodge of anger and irrational ideas - find peace in Christ's LIGHT
1 Peter  6Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, 7casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. 8Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.…

God's Plans in Troubled Times

 ^{God's plans for you are bigger than the stretches of your imagination.  You've got to be willing to walk in faith, step by step and let the journey unfold.} 

Trials and turmoil is the refining fire that can strengthen our faith to return at all times to God's mercy or let us burn in anger and bitterness. Many Christians, including myself often straddle these two lines from complete despair in uncertain times to complete hope - there is a balance of fear and anticipation, trust and 'I'll go my way' doubt. I never doubted God's salvation through Christ, but daily I doubt HIS care for my daily life when it comes to food, work, accomplishing my goals. I took it as a sign that I was supposed to use my God-given talents such as reason, logic and analyzing skills to come up with a solution.




While I believe God does expect us to use our brains and encourages us to use discernment and to balance faith in perspective (i.e. it is okay to look at something scientifically - as long as you don't lose sight of the spiritual truth). I have always trusted God's love for me, but instead of trusting his insight and provision - I ruminated on my failures and the temporal frustrations of unanswered prayers - especially in regards to my career and my goals in music and writing - I saw those as a condemnation of my life's goals - I started listening to the abusive people and situations of the world around me. I assumed God cares, but unless it is a spiritual need or life health crisis - no use bothering to expect it from HIM.




I do think that God does not want us to be lazy and just sit around and wait for miracles - he gives miracles but we are called to co-create. Co-create means humility, grace and ingenuity - God wants us to delight in the talents he has given us and use them to serve HIM and HIS children. What God doesn't want is for us to get so bent on one idea or goal we lose sight of the plans he has for us - have you ever just rushed into a project of passion and gotten burnt out? I have - it took years to go back and finish what I started - this time with God's hand. I spent my time in college so frustrated I couldn't get a record deal that I gave up - now I see that God wanted me to hone my own style and to make music from the roots of my soul - it took desert years to cultivate the gift.


We have work to do in our lives and with free will - we have to learn some lessons on our own volition, but when we get so caught up in anxiety, details and the spinning world we forget to ask God for HIS advice, HIS help we'll always be drowning against the current. God wants us to be self-reliant against the world - in being self-reliant we are selfless and ready to serve, but this self-reliance also calls us to rely fully on HIM. Self-reliant against the world, reliant fully on God. Sounds like a wacky paradox, but it is a balance in maintaining a spiritual and material independence found in Christ.


We are not alone, even in the darkest hours of our lives God is there - even if we cannot see him. God is at work - it is our job to release anxiety, stress, fear, regret and sin - to CHRIST and be washed clean. When we are clean of the toxic negative energy we can hear HIS voice and are able to think more clearly and perceive circumstances from a non-emotional more mindful state.


Throughout my life - the trials and struggles - hardships and pitfalls I have often questioned God's intent on leading me into turbulent situations - the truth is I let fear guide me half the time and God allowed me to stay in the atmosphere of fear so I would learn lessons and call out to HIM for help. There is suffering in the world and sometimes it seems God is silent. God is never silent, he cries for his people and wipes our tears. So when something bad happens - know God can heal the soul, which to use seems immaterial when we don't have the money for a mortgage payment - but until our soul is healed we cannot trust and accept God for the other blessings of hope and perseverance he wants to give us. God's blessings are often things we might see as unimportant - but God's blessings never falter.


I had a car that died on the side of the road in South Dakota in 2009, my car had been stolen and my mother's car had been stolen a year before. We wound up with a clunker family car and were forced to leave Nashville TN on a hope and a prayer. The car died in Hot Springs SD and Triple AAA was unavailable for 24 hours - we were broke until my mom's next direct deposit. All seemed lost. Then out of the blue a stranger came - who happened to have ten full jugs of water for a camping trip and he agreed to fix the coolant and add the much needed water to our clunker - it worked. We were safe.


Our car died in Gillette WY and we inherited another bad news clunker from the mechanic - that I later found out had faulty brakes. We made it to Bozeman MT and I had a nightmare about the brakes - I had them checked out and as told it was a miracle we made it across the Bighorn Mountains in the vehicle - the brakes were so shoddy! Once again we were without a car - forced into a desperate situation - but every time God pulled us through through small but pivotal miracles.


I am continuously led to Jeremiah 29:11. It is one of the most quoted verse in the Bible. Many scholars say that it is always misquoted - 'don't take heart in this verse because it refers to the Babylonian Captivity and was not really a message of hope - Jeremiah said it would take 70 years for the Jewish to be released from Babylon.'


As a historian - I understand the historical context and I do think it is important to consider context in studying the Bible. Too many sinners misuse Bible verses for nefarious purposes through taking a verse out of context. That being said - I strongly believe that God's WORD never passes away and scripture retells human truths time and again - guided by the Holy Spirit - we can often find spiritual truths even in historical scripture.


¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

While this verse is not a cure all pill saying that God is going to instantly make you a millionaire - I also think it is too close minded to assume this scripture has no bearing on our lives.  IT is a living testimony -  historically God did deliver HIS people from Babylon and he will continue to help his people realize their purpose in Christ.

This scripture was not received well in the time of Jeremiah because the people of Judah wanted instant answers and freedom from the bonds of Babylon - but God needed to help refine them through testing and humility - so when he returned them home it was with a new clean heart set on God's will not their short-sighted selfish goals.  God new the plans for them would be great and GRACE would come - they in turn would have to be patient.

No one likes to be patient, but God wants us to learn patience because he will not rush our spiritual growth and life for the sake of quick gain - he wants us to have a strong foundation of character.

If you are someone seeking instant gratification in God - you will receive it in HIS Holy Spirit - which is always with you and the knowledge of constant love and forgiveness of sins (if asked you will receive grace), but if your instant gratification has stipulations about instant financial blessings, instant popularity, losing ten pounds and eating brownies - well God is far deeper than that.

I read an article about a young college grad who nearly lost her faith because in the Great Recession she could not find a job - she felt that Jeremiah 29:11 lied to her - she had not prospered in her mind.

I graduated in 2009 and am still recovering from the poor job market - but I know that every lost job opportunity turned out to be a blessing - because when I got a job - it was the right time/right place. 

Jeremiah 29:11 is not a wish fulfillment verse, rather it is a call to faith and trust verse in spite of seemingly impossible odds - it is turning over all anxiety to God and knowing if you trust in HIS Spirit you will be full of HIS life giving waters and God will show you the plans he has for you.

The biggest disappointment with this verse is we often have our own plans that do not line up with God's.  Sometimes our plans are not evil, but they are not the best God has for us.  

There is evil in this world - it works against us at every step to manipulate and confound.  This evil is not of God, but is of the flesh - it is a condition of the brokenness of sin, God heals sin - but evil persists because of free will and the time of judgment has not come.  God destroyed Sodom, yet Abraham protested hoping it could be saved - not because he condoned the actions of Sodom and Gomorrah - but he believed if there is but a light of good to permeate hate then it deserves to be saved.  Christ is the light that guides us God's love for all mankind and hope to save his children is why he allows the world to keep turning.  There is pure evil in this world - it comes from the temporal powers of hell, but God's love is far deeper than the depths of the abyss - HIS LIGHT in CHRIST is enough to make even the darkest days worth living.  This life has far more goodness and love in it than hate.

We are also called as Christians to be part of God's kingdom now through SERVICE - helping others and working to stop evil with joy, gratitude, love, compassion...love your neighbor with the heart of Christ - this means flipping the world upside down.  Until we do that it is hard to hear God's voice as we walk in the desolate wilderness of doubt. 

Trust in God and when you fall into doubt - pray for faith and discernment - God is not a God of confusion - he will guide you - if you let HIM...Letting go of the reins is the hardest part.

We only need but a mustard seed of faith, and even something so small is hard for the human ego - so remember to pray for help and God will hear you - even when he is silent - his unanswered prayers will transform into open doors for something better - even if those doors seem risky  - God calls us to trust in him - his protection in grace is absolute.

Give fears to Christ

Psalm 16:8-11

⁸   I have set the LORD always before me; *
because he is at my right hand I shall not fall.
⁹   My heart, therefore, is glad, and my spirit rejoices; *
my body also shall rest in hope.
¹⁰   For you will not abandon me to the grave, *
nor let your holy one see the Pit.
¹¹   You will show me the path of life; *
in your presence there is fullness of joy, and in your right hand are pleasures for evermore.

 

On Easter Sunday we joyfully proclaim the RISEN LORD, Jesus Christ with jubilation.  We shout the testament of faith and thanksgiving for the grace of salvation - our hearts and minds are full of peace set fully on accepting Jesus as our savior, redeemer and life source. 

As we go back to work on Monday it is easy to get tangled in fear once again, though our hearts beat for Christ we find fear in uncertainty and are less inclined to faith as the chaos of life's uncertainties leads to doubt.  'How will I pay my bills?' 'How will I feed my family?' 'Why can't I have a bigger house...' 'Why am I stuck in this dead end job' - we all have fears rooted in real problems.  The problem is instead of turning to God and the problem-solving abilities HE gives us we rely on worry, doubt and hopeless anxiety.  You circle the drain, ruminating in negativity.

I worry about money all the times.  This goes back to psychological factors from when I was a child and an adult - I was taught to focus on lack and fear - I felt like it was my duty to suffer poverty - because I was being punished - so how could I ask God for help?   I would struggle working fifty-eighty hours a week putting my heart and soul into a project until I got physically exhausted.  I then found my normally patient heart filled with bitterness...anger at those who hurt me and degraded me...I let fear and pain trap me

All the while I maintained a close relationship with God, praying steadfastly and reading HIS WORD but I gave up on God helping me with 'worldly' manners like getting a job where my talents could be utilized and to do something I loved.  I trusted his salvation and love and protection, but I got to the point at the end of a twenty year cycle of  pain and regret and suffering.  I finally gave up expecting God to care for the day to day - especially about money - when it comes to me and money I never wanted wealth just security - free from round the clock worry - even when I'm low on cash I always try to give up a little to help others in need - so my real problems with income, due to no fault of my own (I had money stolen from me) don't have to do with greed - yet fear controlled me.  I din't trust that God would provide for the next meal.  In fact I thought God would chastise me for asking for help with getting more money - I did not want to be selfish.

I bring up this point because I have learned that God always wants us to pray to him. If we have a problem HE is a God of solutions - sometimes we might not like the path he lays out for us - it may seem like a wayward wandering road, but God makes winding roads straight through Christ.

While the greatest gift of Easter is grace and the gift of love and resurrection in the life to come, heaving and eternal life is something that we must always remember in the midst of trial and shadows of doubt, don't let a temporary traffic jam keep you from God's wide open highway.

The lesson I am also learning and want to share is that the KINGDOM starts right NOW - while I've always found glory in the call to serve God and to bring the kingdom to earth through service - particularly in helping the oppressed - I am also realizing that the concept of the overflowing cup of the kingdom - the kingdom has come and is coming means that God through Christ has forgiven our pasts if we come to HIM and wants us to live in love and light - part of that love means readily letting Christ wash us free of our guilt - if you're like me you live in the past of regrets far too much - let Christ transform your soul, your life and accept his blessings - be opened to God's answers to your prayers - his road is always the sure path. Jesus said 'I AM the WAY, and the TRUTH and the LIFE.'  When we turn our worries over to God we think clearly and we are able to problem solve and also are receptive to the abundance he gives us daily.  Miracles happen from prayer.  Prayers are answered.

Pray without ceasing, love with an open heart and always be grateful - gratitude and prayer are the beacons that light a dark tortuous path so we may keep our feet secure in the foundations of God's HOPE and SALVATION

Our relationship with God means we set our eyes first on Christ - don't forget in the chaos of the world that he cares about us in ever minute detail of life.  Cast your anxieties on HIM because Christ loves you. If you start to doubt pray Psalm 16 - knowing Christ is always with YOU - what greater lover is there?

Take up the CROSS

As I meditate on the Last Supper, I think about Jesus's emotions being torn apart by a cluster of ambivalent tests set before him.  Jesus wants to enjoy this final meal with his friends, his disciples - at the same time he faces the reality of hates fractured wounds in the betrayal of his life for silver (Judas), the betrayal of the rock of his church, Peter who although faithful - in a temporal act of fear he denied Jesus three times...It is just after midnight - as I prepare for sleep, I remember on this night in these hours Jesus was betrayed - he was arrested in the middle of praying to HIS FATHER in heaven, the evil is darkest this night and tomorrow - the political power games, jealousy of men and misunderstandings are trials we face in our world today.  So many battles would be set down and peace restored if we let our egos go to God and focus on the cup of the Holy Spirit.  As a historian I have seen this same sort of power play and political maneuvering going on as it did between Jews and Romans.  Everyone wants to blame someone - Pilate, The Jewish Ruling class...the masses cried out for Barabbas, which mean's son of the father...

I think Jesus's sacrifice is all the more powerful because it transpires in a way that speaks to the fallen nature of humanity - in ways that we all can comprehend.  Just watch the evening news - you hear stories of betrayal and many times people are persecuted or killed for their beliefs.  God reminds us of a powerful lesson in the crucifixion of HIS son, that we are called to reign with compassion and mercy through Christ.  God is full of grace - even in harsh judgment HIS light shines through.


People in the world in every city, town and country are facing trials of adversity, prejudice, hate, despair - every day innocent people are victimized and left in despair.

Jesus's death as an innocent not only sheds us from our sins, but it is a call for justice in the world and to remind those who suffer or have faced hardship that he knows your suffering and consoles you.  God remembers the tears and cries of the persecuted and gave up HIS only son - to forgive us of sin and to also remind us as a living testimony that we are charged to actively work for the kingdom of heaven in earth - through love, active compassion, tithing, petitioning against injustice and supporting the weak.

While we have the habit of getting into political squabbles, corporate takeovers, petty disputes and one upping each other - Christ's resurrection reminds us that no earthly gain is worth crushing the back of another to get ahead.  We need to remember that Christ suffered for us and in remember those around us who are suffering - particularly the innocent - victims of war, rape, hunger...

Christ's sacrifice on the cross is a living testament of the greatest empathy and act of love the world has ever known.

I also contemplate Mother Mary and John, both stood at the cross while the other disciples scattered - yet Christ did not hold them in contempt.  Think of the pain Mary felt to see her son, the boy she raised, die in injustice - Mary knew Jesus to be the Son of God, but she also loved him in full humanity as a son.

Where will we be on Good Friday - in the hours of death to resurrection?  Will we hide in fear or stand in faith with Christ.

Praise be to Christ that in the darkest times in history there is light!

Wash me Clean O Lord: Maundy Thursday

⁸ “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”
Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”
⁹ “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”
¹⁰ Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” ¹¹ For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.
¹² When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. ¹³ “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. ¹⁴ Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. ¹⁵ I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. ¹⁶ Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. ¹⁷ Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them. John 13

I'll admit I don't like a stranger washing my feet.  It makes me feel uncomfortable.  I feel exposed and afraid.  I have avoided Maundy Service in the past when it requires foot washing - I just don't feel comfortable.  I don't know if it is pride, ego, fear - probably a combination of both.  I have psoriasis on my left foot and it is something I'd rather not reveal to a stranger, even my priest.  As I prepare for Maundy Thursday Service I realize it is time for me to approach the Jesus and ask with a humble heart, wash my feet - wash me clean.

I love to go walking - it is when I pray and find peace of mind.  Yesterday I heard my intuition telling me 'you need to let go of the sorrow, you need to say Lord wash me clean.'  I prayed to Lord to cleanse me heart and soul and then I started to think about Maundy Thursday and the ceremony of the foot washing.

On the night Jesus ate his last meal he humbled himself - he washed his disciples feet - and many of them objected as I do - 'No I'm not worthy' - Jesus insisted - he washed their feet - an important practice in the Middle East - were sand and grime made a man's feet the dirtiest part of their body.  Jesus did not hesitate to wash his disciples clean.  This is a foretelling of his sacrifice and the debts forgiven by his death on the cross.  While we may stumble, Jesus is willing to wash us clean - to heal us and remove every bit of grime from us body and soul.

Wash me clean O LORD
I am not worthy
I am frail
Wash me clean
I am dirty, sullied by the dirt
Wash me clean O LORD
restore my SOUL
Clean my heart, I let you in
Wash me clean
Wash me clean O LORD
Guide my steps so as my feet get dirty
My steps are lost in sinking sand,
Wash me clean, lead me to your promised land

The Last Supper: Blessings in the Ordinary Spaces of Life

John 13
The Last Supper is so part of secular and religious culture that it has taken on its own mythos.  The scene of Jesus's supper as a free man, dining among friends, celebrating the Passover, while silently one of his best friends and disciples betrayed him for silver - is the drama of pain, suffering, love, betrayal, fear, hope - and while this is one of the holiest meals, the final supper for the Messiah on earth - God chose to have it play out in the most humble of circumstances.  The feast takes place in an upper room, a rented space.  The setting is nothing spectacular in the first century A.D.  The Last Supper in many ways is in a way the window into human life - our grappling for truth and light in a dark and sinful world...the grace of something as simple of a meal - is the food that nourishes us so we can live another day. 

I recently read an article discussing the possibility that Van Gogh's famous Cafe Terrace at Night has a portrayal of The Last Supper hidden amid the scene of a street cafe on a seemingly normal mundane night.  A man leaves the scene (Judas) showing that betrayal lurks among friends, but more importantly the hope resonates that God is at work in ordinary and forsaken places. 



I emphasize the point of the ordinary nature of The Last Supper not because I'm downplaying its holiness, but rather showing the EXTRAORDINARY nature of God, for HIM through is Son Jesus, to institute the foundation of the liturgy - the communion - in a run of the mill upper room with borrowed silverware.  Christ came not to free the powerful, but to heal the wounds of the broken and safe the oppressed.  In the desert God gave the Israelite Manna, bread from heaven, but in Christ's breaking of the bread He institutes something which on the surface may appear ordinary but is MIRACULOUS and fills us with the food we need for life.  While manna is a gift that fed the Israelites - they still hungered because while manna was from heaven it fed the flesh...when you drink the wine and eat the bread of Christ your soul is full.

Christ shows us the sacredness in simple living and that even in the midst of betrayal, trial, confusion, pain, loss...we must be grateful to God and also be ready to drink from HIS cup and TRUST the Holy Spirit within us. 

When you drink of the cup of Christ you want to share that wine and that bread with others - feeding them the spiritual food of love. 

Christ's facing betrayal in the midst of a meal and being arrested only a few hours later - reminds us that this world is always changing but God does not change and if we stand by HIS universal law of LOVE we can rise above the darkness...in this life and the kingdom to come. 

Prayer:
Dear Lord Jesus, thank you for breaking bread with us and sharing in our meal.  Thank you for blessing us with this food, spiritual sustenance to sustain us joyfully even in tears of pain.  You bind our wounds and wash us clean - you hold us close that we may be safe in the shadows of life.  Thank you for your everlasting cup of salvation and for bring light into dark creaky corners and joy to broken places - You God, Christ are Lord, are most holy - though you are king of creation, you humble yourself bringing miracles to ordinary spaces.

Prayer & Thanksgiving - God's Soul Food

 Colossians 3:17 

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
 

Today as I meditated on Jesus's final days in Jerusalem - his steps from the Triumphal Entry into the battle with darkness of the passion, the light of love shines through as a beacon.  If we take a second to imagine ourselves in Jesus's shoes, it becomes impossible not be torn asunder by fear, dread, doubt, anger and the myriad of emotions that stem from betrayal, social injustice, persecution and pain.

While we like to fast forward through the trials, suffering and excruciating pain of the crucifixion we cannot fully receive the glory of the resurrection unless we take on the pain for a second.  By taking on the pain, I mean that we close our eyes, pray to the Holy Spirit and for a moment grieve the agony that Jesus went through.  Even more important is that we comprehend, even the scintilla of depth that Jesus was scared, he did feel the hurt and suffered doubts.  We so often think that HIS suffering, though difficult could be endured simply because Jesus is God - the truth is that Jesus was also fully man and God the Father spared HIS son no pain - Christ suffered the deepest darkness - so deep only his light of selfless sacrifice could penetrate it. 

Jesus rose above his suffering by trusting in the invisible veil of a higher power, Our Father, who he knew had a glorious plan and would heal his wounds - we are called to rise above the pain of the world and see God's miracles even in the worst suffering.  Where you have children, families, love, nature - even in the midst of war we can fight for love - with love and light.

We do not deserve forgiveness.  We deserve to be condemned, yet Jesus's freewill decision to follow the wishes of God the Father made HIM a perfect sacrifice - wiping us clean, allowing us the joy of eternal salvation and the hope to rise above impenetrable darkness with love.

I have faced many dark nights of the soul on my life journey from fractured relationships that sought to do me harm to financial pain, physical maladies - and it was the rock of faith in Christ that kept the bitterness from my heart.  The last year I have battled the layers of a lifetime of losses - and I find myself turning to the Father in prayer, begging and pleading for help. 

Sometimes we think unanswered prayers are not heard, or they go unheard, but God through Christ wipes ever tear and even in temporary suffering we will rise up to meet the dawn.

Prayer and Thanksgiving are two of the most important aspects of a relationship with Christ, and I think they are two aspects we often falter on.  Yes, we pray and yes many of us claim to be grateful.
The truth is we get so busy with our lives in this world we don't pray like we should, taking time out for God our CREATOR, and we often mouth off more complaints than find reasons to be grateful.

I am GUILTY of this.  I find myself complaining about lack, lack, lack, instead of recognizing that every meal, every night in shelter, every paycheck is a gift and if something is not working right instead of complaining - I need to THANK God for this provision and PRAY for something better - I have an apartment now with roaches - I don't feel safe in it - even though it is a great neighborhood - I have complained so long and felt so trapped, that I forgot to ask God for help.  I believe through Christ - HE will help me. 

Jesus constantly takes time out of his schedule to pray and to have a moment of quiet to speak with the Father - Jesus also makes a point to be grateful and implore gratitude.  Part of gratitude is being willing to help others as God has helped you with a tithe or simply showing love and compassion for a neighbor and stranger - we are all brothers and sisters in Christ. 

The Last Supper Eucharist shows the power of gratitude and prayer in Christ's instituting of The Lord's Supper
 While they were eating, Jesus took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to his disciples, saying, "Take and eat; this is my body.
Then he took a cup, and when he had given thanks, he gave it to them, saying, "Drink from it, all of you.
This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.

So as you prepare to break bread during Maundy Thursday Service remember to Give Thanks and to PRAYER to God with a whole heart.  Christ will answer your call if you are willing to listen.  The hardest part of praying is submitting to the will of God and casting our fears and burdens on HIM, accepting his CALL in our lives. 

If God calls you in Christ will you answer?