Earth Day: Praise God's Creation by Conservation

The colors of the canyons light a flame of hope
The deserts are stark
The cacti is a sword of death until it blooms with radiant color
The waters of the virgin dew and ancient windows into the deep
As the shadows of sunrise beckon the call, 'Arise' 'Arise'
LIGHT of CREATION
How great is our CREATOR for his divine palette has formed the entire earth
in light of love.  It took trials and tests to build HIS mountains, still he persevered to make each particle of the earth full of beauty
Even in the desert there is wonder
Even in the prairies life abounds
Even in the bogs of the swamps life is found
God is GREAT in HIS Creation, PRAISE the EARTH for it is God's loving reflection
We have erred in our treatment of the land, selfishly forsaking its bounty through greed
We purge the holy light of creation with toxic waste
ARISE LORD please have mercy on our soils and help us to feed the hungry with your creation
For the earth is your gift and when we honor the earth we honor your HOLY LOVING NAME and POWER as master builder, master architect, master of light and truth, color and wonder
PRAISE be to GOD of the heavens, CHRIST our KING and the HOLY SPIRIT who speaks to us in every whisper of the wind.  Praise BE

Numbers 35:33-34

You shall not pollute the land in which you live, for blood pollutes the land, and no atonement can be made for the land for the blood that is shed in it, except by the blood of the one who shed it. You shall not defile the land in which you live, in the midst of which I dwell, for I the Lord dwell in the midst of the people of Israel.”

I wrote this 'psalm' as a prayer to glorify God's creation.  April 22 is EARTH DAY - so many Christians have turned their back on God's glorious creation and our role as stewards of the earth.  We mistake the command of stewardship as a free pass to be master's of the earth - God expects us to respect his creation and use it to benefit humanity and all of life on the planet - for the sake of goodness for humanity (food and clothing), animals and also for GOD's glory for IT IS GOD who created and formed the earth.  I heard a Catholic priest say that the earth is the domain of Satan - while evil is rampant in our world - we must NEVER FORGET that GOD is in CHARGE of CREATION and the earth is from God - it is a GIFT from GOD and a grace that reveals HIS character and love.

I love nature it is what connects me to my spirit and helps me find peace in a broken world - in nature I see both order and at times chaos - but most importantly I see God's loving hand in all of creation - it also reminds me of God's nature.  God provides, but his timing is different than ours and in nature we can see the manifest plans of his plans from a macro picture.

When you look at all the cataclysmic events that formed Yellowstone National Park - volcanoes, earthquakes, ice ages and more - you realize that sometimes it takes growing pains and difficulty to create a way forward - sometimes the greatest beauty comes from the ashes.

I think of Zion Canyon and the Grand Canyon - the patience and diligence of creation as erosion and uplift created some of the most stunning 'architecture' on earth.  I find in natural sciences - proof for God because the earth is too orderly to be spontaneous and too colorful to be without a divine architect.

It is our duty to honor God's creation - I will post another blog on ways to help stay eco-friendly - as Christians you don't have to enter the political infighting to want to protect God's glorious creation - instead it is your duty as a follower of Christ to help protect the Father's creation - when our land is nurtured we reap crops that can feed the world - we experience great wonder in the beauty of nature and the resilience of life.

This Earth Day pray to God for peace on the earth and that the earth is healed, droughts are fed with the perfect amount of water and floods are lifted - while it is our duty as stewards of the earth to fix these pollution issues - greed and politics get in the way - we must work to heal the issue in our own lives through recycling and conservation - but we also NEED GOD to help heal the earth - we need to work with God and humanity heal our planet. If God can carve out of HIMSELF all of creation don't we owe it to God to actively work to preserve our land and care about all of HIS creation?

Think of the ark and how God saved every living animal - God cares for ALL of CREATION and we are called to protect it and use it for GOOD (NOT greed) in HIS loving care.

Genesis 1:1-31 

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day. ..

$2 Challenge: Food Bank

Can you spare $2?  That is my new initiative to sow good in the world.  I am on a strict budget - worry over money often consumes - yet out of that worry I realize so many people live in hunger and fear.  We can collectively work to change that through love and giving up just a small part of our selves to help another be fed spiritually and physically.

 

Most grocery stores offer food donation bins for area Feed the Hungry nonprofits.  As part of learning to live joyously even in the midst of suffering I hope ask you to consider adding one non-perishable food item to your weekly trip to the grocery store.  Today for $2.00 I was able to donate a week's worth of oatmeal.  For another $2.00 I donated two cans of organic peas.  This may seem like a small and insignificant contribution, but one item can help stock a pantry and fill a hungry soul - $2 a week, $8 a month is something most of us can afford and those that cannot I know you will be lifted up with a joyful heart to endure the test of hunger - there are numerous resources ready to feed the hungry - but those local and national non-profits need support - even if that means you volunteer an hour a month to prepare and serve meals. 

 

I work an hourly job right now - the economy has tested many with not only spiritual questions but a famine of food and constant state of hunger.  So even when you have little try to give what you can - that is why I started the $2 challenge - I cannot afford to give large sums of money and food to non-profits - though I desire too - and I work an erratic work schedule that sucks up my time.  I find relinquishing $2 a week for a food item and putting it in the bin on the way out of the grocery store blesses another in hope and feeds them, but also reminds me of my blessings and hope that God will provide.  God calls us to serve, but he understands our time and monetary constraints - so he calls us to do what we can  - if it is with a pure and sincere heart he will bless it. 

During your email breaks - click on freerice.com and thehungersite.com to help stop hungry worldwide both sites are free ways to help feed the world!

Another great idea is to work with your community to organize an InterFAITH food event - this can be a potluck meal for the community, or a food drive, bake sale or perhaps a cooking marathon (making sandwiches and other easy to distribute nutrient rich foods) and distributing them to those who hunger.

There are so many simple ways to get involved with feeding our communities and providing the living waters of Christ.

Water - give a bottle of water on a hot day to a stranger - particularly those suffering from homelessness or who work outside and may neglect to stay hydrated.

Great ITEMS to contribute with the $2 (or more) challenge:
- Non-Perishable proteins: canned tuna, canned chicken, beans and other proteins that are shelf safe for a long duration. 
- Peanut Butter - it is a healthy staple protein and good for sandwiches and has a long shelf life
- Rice (Brown rice is healthier, but white rice works too)
- Flour*  Although not an essential item - many families need flour for cooking - when donating flour consider also donating yeast.
- Gluten Free* and other allergy free products (I have Celiac Disease and always try to contribute GF flour, GF mixes and soups, GF snacks and GF pasta and other GF items to the food bank for those with allergies)
- Pasta
- Canned fruits and veggies (don't donate pineapple as it is the most donated food item)
- Boxed meals that only require water (i.e. no Hamburger Helper as it has lots of other non-inclusive items to make the meal)
- Water
- Energy bars
- Oatmeal, Granola, Cereals
- Juices
- Milk (U.H.T.) this type of milk is packaged so it does not have to be refrigerated
- Soup
- Snacks for kids
- Baby formula and diapers

A fellow blogger also has a great list of items for what to donate at Foodlets
Cans do make a difference - don't underestimate the power of one can of soup, veggies, protein...it can feed a soul and help sustain them for another day!

$1 ideas:  I like the Dollar Tree and we always purchase hygiene items like mouthwash, toothpaste and other supplies there - consider going to the $1 aisle and providing oral care and hygiene for donation as well. 


Those who rely on the food bank are our neighbors and friends - many are elderly, sick, disabled and working citizens struggling in a down economies, veterans, homeless and countless other souls need the help of food banks - so while $2 seems like a small amount - it can go a long way - especially when you are on a tight budget but still want to help others in need.

I love how many community centers and churches are having gardens to feed the hungry - planting and tilling fresh veggies and fruits to donate to the hungry - we'll explore Gardens of Hope in a future blog.

To find a local food bank and get other action based ideas on how to Feed the Hungry check out Feeding America.

Choosing to be JOYFUL

Let us sing a new song to Lord
Let us praise HIS Glorious NAME
with a JOYFUL noise
for suffering tries to steal our hope, like a thief on the prowl it attacks
Hope rests in the LORD, HE is our defense
He does NOT fail to provide love and light
Darkness suffocates like clouds covering the moon - still the moon lights the darkness
Be vigilant, be awake to hear the silent peace of the LORD
Trouble comes crashing like the waves
Remember who created the ocean
Jesus calmed the storm
Do not fear, do not panic
rather abide in peace and joy with thankful hearts
and invest all your anxieties in the trust of the LORD
who turns suffering into joy and creates lessons of character in hardship
Praise be to GOD

I wrote this prayer as a poem of gratitude and hope in the darkness of fear - many of us do not fear God's grace through Christ of the gift of eternal life - so why is it so hard for us to fathom that God is providing for us this very second in a love greater in a nanosecond than all the love we could give in a lifetime...why do we doubt in God's temporal provision?  God has time and again proven HIS mercy and faithfulness time and again - still we doubt - does God care about our lives on earth.

So many of us are going conditioned to think suffering is the way to live at all times because it equates to salvation.  Christ suffered so we would not have to.  Troubles will come but trouble and turmoil is not the way of life in Christ - Christ wants to bless us in LOVE and has promised to take care of our physical needs if we let him.  When trouble comes HE stands vigilant in defense - it is better to suffer in doing the right moral thing than living a good life by the flesh but forsaking salvation.





Christ tells us to be joyful even in suffering.  Yet I was condition in my broken home (father's house) that I was worthless and this life was a time of suffering - I was forsaken and I found myself giving up on my abilities - instead just assuming that in my love of Christ salvation from this earthly sojourn was all I could hope for.

Matthew 6:16 "Whenever you fast, do not put on a gloomy face as the hypocrites do, for they neglect their appearance so that they will be noticed by men when they are fasting. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. 17"But you, when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face…

Christ is a psychiatrist and physician - it took years of critical thinking, psychological study and most importantly prayer and journeys through trial and life lessons in the hardship to finally realize though suffering comes in life, LIFE is about living joyfully.  We are not to be focused on negative aspects of life - but rather joyful in our love of Christ, ready to serve and love our neighbor as ourselves.  That is why it is so important we learn to love ourselves through the peace of joy and hope - not egotistical love, but the acceptance of the pure love Christ gives us in HIS grace.  I knew God loved me, but I felt like such a failure that I let negative thoughts and fears dominate my life - I assumed God wouldn't intervene in any really issue except the health of my soul for eternal salvation - he cared about day to day activities - but I just assumed he didn't care about helping me with some really important goals in my life - music and writing - I still struggle in confidence.  God lets us know if something is not in his plan with a succinct NO! (such as with my stepmother refusing to pay her debt to me)...on the other hand you need to pray for discernment between setbacks that divert you to a better way to use your gifts - or is that setback revealing the dead end road in your ambition.

I gave us prematurely because I had a set way of wanting things to work out.  God have to take me out of my element so I could learn HIS will before pursuing the goal again.  I still fear as I return to music and work on my writing goals - what about the money and my talent - but I trust in God to guide me.


Joy is a great gift spiritually, mentally and physically.  True undeterred joy comes from the presence of the Holy Spirit in our hearts and soul and Christ in our lives.  Joy is a compass towards the hope of heaven as it tills God's kingdom on earth with light and love, forgiveness and mercy, friendship and thanksgiving. 

Doctors and scientists have expounded the detriments of stress and anxiety on the body and the benefits of living with an attitude of gratitude and positivity.  Psychology Today article of interest.  Stress can cause all sorts of health problems.  My anxiety and stress level caused inflammation and hives - cortisol issues leading to weight gain and other issues...stress and worry solve nothing - joy might not wash away the pain of suffering or offer an instant lotto ticket to happiness - but it helps to ease our burden and offer a way forward into LIFE.



Once again I make it clear that living with positivity doesn't mean you are blind to suffering or you deny negative aspects of life - but in positive mindfulness you are able to fully grasp the situation, turn it over to God and work as a servant of joy and peace. 

On This Side of Paradise I hope to continue to focus on ways of being joyful and to spread peace and love to help heal a suffering world.  I have found such peace in turning over my anxiety to Christ, allowing HIS yoke to take the burdens off my shoulder or at least help me carry those burdens I cannot fully expunge - so they do not block my way forward or my faith.  I pray this for everyone to be free of fear - fear is an emotion that paralyzes - fear can be rooted in a real crisis but when we allow fear to control us versus be a stimulus for action of the heart and mind we will be in a personal captivity of the mind and soul.

Cognitive therapy is one of the primary tools in helping to work through false cognition - this needs to be paired with a spiritual acceptance of one's loving self, respect of our souls as holy and seeking to keep then clean - we must confess and ask for help readily and humbly - this is not easy but God gives us the tools - Christ is our advocate, the saints our guides and we have people all around us in the social sciences and medical community and faith community to be lights in the world.

When we are joyful even in chaos we can be a light to dissipate the darkness.  There is a lot of negative energy in my work environment related to incompetent management and petty jealousy - it used to suck my energy dry - I became a empathetic sponge - feeling all the oppressive energy of the workplace - I started to be negative all the time - I saw no hope out of the situation - God granted me a perspective change - helping me to recognize the issues but instead of reacting negatively I work to be the best employee I can be and tuning out the negative energy with joy - meaning I don't let negative thoughts cloud my judgment or bring me down to despair.  I still want to find another job - but for now I am joyfully accepting the situation and optimistic that God will help guide me to a better situation.  In extreme trial (death of a love one and persecution) this is almost impossible - but negative only begets negative - joy is an elixir that empowers.

How to be joyful?  It is not an easy process to rewire the switchboard in your brain especially when negative aspects of the ego seek to make you feel worthless and work to block healing.  We are creatures by habit - so we need divine medicine to operate on our mental neurosis.

I have found praying a NOVENA, reading scripture and listening to my favorite calming upbeat music helps.

Another wonderful exercise is to affirm bible verses of God's protection and love and to keep a gratitude journal - a topic we'll explore in my next blog entry.

Prayer:
Jesus Christ you implored us to cast all our anxieties on you.
You selflessly carried the burden of sin on the cross
This greatest mercy and grace is a LIVING testament that we should be JOYFUL
Anxiety steals joy and sets our hearts against faith in you
Help us instead to problem-solve, to find solutions to the fears of our heart
through your peace and the Holy Spirit guide us.  I know you will not fail us LORD Jesus
For you suffered but did not let pain destroy your HOPE, even in your cry to your FATHER 'Why have you forsaken me?' This agony was in direct communion of hope in your Father's care and teaches us to be willing to confront you in suffering so we can find peace in the desert times.  Joy springs out in a light of a thousand stars.  Be our north star, compass and guide and let us joyfully praise you and drink of your healing waters.  Heal us and protect us LORD CHRIST.  Amen

Do You want to be HEALED? Joy from the Ashes

The past few weeks I've focused a lot on character building in times of trial and suffering - a lot of this reflects my own desert journey - even when we have the cup of living waters in our soul fed by the Holy Spirit we often focus on the parched land surround us - we thirst by the flesh - we thirst for human nature - instead of seeking the peace of God's loving nature and the gift of grace in Christ.  It is hard not to question - where is God in the desert times - why does HE allow suffering - why are some born with severe disabilities?  I have found in my trial and turmoil that God's direction always guides us through chaos in love and builds  character and endurance.

 

When I was eighteen I was in a horrible car accident - I survived by a miracle - I know God intervened - my recovery still hurt and I have to deal with certain pain the rest of my life, but I began to see spirit and resiliency in that struggle - God did not will it on be - but it happened and he helped heal me.  I also have come out of trauma of abandonment by a parent (my father) and abuse - and there is a psychological biological battle we face in dealing with emotional and physical pain - part of that is the scientific and spiritual make-up of the world - we cannot say 'hey God why did you not prevent by broken leg...' - why...why...why doesn't have a satisfying answer until you get to the heart of God's purpose in our lives on earth - yes he wants to bless us with good lives and every day has blessings, but we also remember the focus of God is spirit over flesh - Jesus in healing a paralytic first said 'your sins are forgiven' - that seems like little consolation when you cannot walk - but sin paralyzes us - not just from the divine order of God, but in practical terms.  When we sin we lose touch with ourselves and others - how deep is a cut when someone sins against you.

We first take on the brunt of the pain and suffering and endure it like whiplash - trying to survive - it is some time after the injury we begin to truly navigate the painful effects and debilitating hurt of suffering - it is then we must choose to forgive - processing through those emotions is tedious but necessary - there comes a time though when we stop processing and we keep ruminating - circling the drain and relapsing into own hurt and picking at the scab - sometimes we bury the shards of hurt so deep we cannot even see the internal bleeding of pain - we learn to ignore it - that is not healthy either - pain signals an unhealthy habit or event in your life - until your recognize it and confront it you a) cannot heal b)if the 'issue' is incurable then you will be prevented from resting in the pain - able to overcome it.

I am learning to let go of anxiety and give it to God through the grace of Christ.  Part of this requires untying the knots and cords of anxiety - guilt and fear - there comes a point when we have to say: 'do we want to be healed?'  Jesus asked this question in scripture and it makes a valid point - until we genuinely want healing of the spirit then Jesus cannot fully work in our lives - it is like a handyman ready to fix your appliance but has no key - we have to give Christ the key to our hearts and rewire our mind to think positive thoughts - not skewed false hope, but the promise that even in trial there is light  and God stands as a guide.

 

Why doesn't God just sweep in and storm our lives - he wants us to learn - one to rely on HIM and also to rely on ourselves through the grace of wisdom and discernment he gives us.  Sometimes learning is painful - sometimes the things we think we want are destructive and sometimes we cannot accept greater blessings until we recognize the blessings before us.

God wants us to depend on HIM but we must also learn to be ready to change ourselves through HIM and when we do that somehow suffering can be met with the peace of joy - the recognition in beauty out of the ashes.

The Israelites complained of wandering in the desert - yet God provided - how often has God provided us when we don't even acknowledge the blessings because we get so wired on the negative.

Yes there are negative things that happen in our lives - and you have to acknowledge the issues at hand - but not from a raw emotion charged perspective but with a peaceful discerning heart and analytical mind.  It is like panicking in sinking sand, you need to stay calm - staying calm doesn't mean you discount the reality of the situation - but you take proactive measures to survive and to not allow the pain to steal your joy.

Stealing your joy - this is the work of the serpent - God only wants us to find joy - because there is always joy in the love of Christ.  Joy is different than maudlin hope - joy is deep like the ocean - it sees perspective and the macro-picture.  

I know I complain in difficult times neglecting all the simple gifts that helped me through - like a discount at a restaurant that helped me afford to buy a meal in a budget crunch - or the $2.00 in change that paid for gas to work until pay day - I find blessings all around me when I take time to look and when we approach life with joy we find that life even in suffering is a gift and that is the beauty of joy even in the ashes of pain.

I am going to focus the next series on JOY - JOY I'm learning is something we have to desire to accept - abuse left me with cognitive distortion about myself (self-esteem, self-worth, grace) that it takes learning to accept healing and joy to come out of trauma.  Joy is essential for healing.  Do you want to be healed?

The Important CHOICE: Do GOOD in the WORLD

The scars cannot heal when the wound is raw, the heart cannot beat when deprived of oxygen.  Silence cuts off air supply as lying lips suffocate and injustice envelops the land in toxic smoke. The mind cannot think in times of hunger about anything but food and the parched land begs for water.  So go the days of suffering - where the silent perseverance of the flesh and the soul conspire to build a cornerstone of a foundation of life or dig a well of death.  The dying breath of innocence, begs men to ponder as they excavate the gravity of human conscience and the cursed evil taking root.  The weeping of the death of trust shatters the soul into fragments of despair - lost among the ruins of the devastation we demand answers - looking for reason in unimaginable chaos and hardship.  The death of innocence in the world is a lesson learned in every generation, with every betrayal of love as war breaks peace and the drought of the bread of life - the lack of goodness - seems to shatter the foundation of love and goodness itself.  In times of hellish suffering where the fires of evil are unleashed - while we can mourn the loss of innocence we cannot forsake hope - we cannot begrudge goodness - we cannot hide in darkness - rather we must actively fill the earth with the living waters of love - only love can heal the open wounds and cause scars to fade.  Only forgiveness can detoxify the ground and spirit.  Forgiveness is more than acknowledging a wrong.  It is powered by the realization of the consequences of that wrong, the testament with God's help to never lose sight of good again and to work for good in all manner of living.  It is not an easy road - rather this road out of suffering is dark, unkempt, tortuous and unyielding - so hold close to the light of Christ and fill your heart with the living word and your appetites with the daily bread of the SPIRIT.

This is a journal entry I wrote while contemplating suffering in the world.  I am an empathic person - to the point I feel physically exhausted after watching the news because the terror of war and pain people face in the world genuinely affects me - I cry out for those that hunger in our communities with no place to live, the abused and forsaken in society, those with debt, those with mental illness...to the malice of hate in the world stemmed by what one can only dub pure evil - ISIS - how can such hate and such malice be allowed to occur.  Where is GOD in our suffering?  Where is HIS LIVING HOPE in CHRIST when thousands are murdered in war throughout the world, in our own towns - drugs, rapes, violence and poverty from greed and selfishness has taken root.

This month has been a reminder of how great the suffering in this realm is - from the Kenyan massacre to Syria and ISIS...and beyond...

This week we commemorated World Holocaust Day - (link on Jewish Virtual Library) I cannot think or even dare to think of a greater evil (and I strain with the word great because there is nothing great about hate and evil) than the cruelty of the Third Reich and the Holocaust.  For God's chosen people to face that turmoil - seems not only to be forsaken but punished and the holocaust is no just punishment for even the worst of crimes - even greater is the question how can a people of God - who served HIM in love fall victim to this oppression - Where was God, Why did HE not rescue HIS people.  Jews were exterminated - six million souls lost - where is the justice in that heartbreak - it is only death - the black hole of hate that can stir such ruthlessness and cowardice - sucking up the holy light of life within every soul - it is not just - and I'm not sure any justice on this earth other than the healing power of love (which can include just actions by courts and a battle of good - to stop atrocities and prevent hate crimes) can even start to bind those wounds.

To commemorate this terror through love - work on taking time to learn about The Holocaust through a documentary series, book, lecture, speaking with a local synagogue group (Jewish Center), volunteering with a Jewish community center, praying for healing of Jewish people, working to pledge support to stop persecution - lighting a candle...lots of ways to prayerfully and actively work to remember and choose to never again allow such evil to occur - part of this means stamping out evil through goodness, love and seeking contrition our own sins - right now - what good is such pain and terror unless we use it to ensure such hate is not allowed to take hold again.  


This week also marks the 100th anniversary of the Armenian genocide - over a million Armenians were killed by the Ottoman Empire.  I am a history major and like to view history from a lens of openness, logic and not with a clouded bias - Turkey says this never happened, but the evidence is there and Turkey did perpetuate a crime.  While I honor the culture and people of Turkey - which has a diverse and fantastic history of art and culture, religion and philosophy - the crime happened.  Does that mean all Turks are bad people - no - of course not - but there comes a point a society cannot heal and move forward until it admits guilt, not necessarily for the fear of judgment as much as the moral directive of letting go and working against prejudice - to be bound in the grace of love instead of prejudice and past schisms.  The future is not built on the past, but until you fix a cracked foundation healing will never occur. The Armenian people must also be willing to accept healing.

It is so hard to bridge the gap and understand the parameters of when to fight for justice and when the fight for justice is not a force of healing - but a ruptured wound.  I don't have the answers to that question - it depends on individual intent - a complicated set of circumstances and other factors.  With me I clutched anger at my father and stepmother without realizing it because I had a view of what justice should be in my own mind.  Wanted restitution of finances was not a bad thing to want, but some debts cannot be paid on this realm - can we live with that?

Are there some wounds that we leave open - as reminders of our frailty and fickleness of the world?  I don't know the full answer to that question.  For years I judged it as though some wounds don't heal, we don't bury them, we don't confront them - we have them out in the open but don't rest in them - this is perhaps partially true - in our human capacity we can only take on so much pain and forgive so much.  That is where God's healing comes in - he has the power to HEAL - if we are willing to release the shards of broken glass, the heartbreak, we carry.  I think we have to continuously turn over these pangs to God and be willing to admit our weakness in humanity and our own limitations to forgive - we need help to confront our atrocities and to seek action to help humankind - we need to tear out the roots of hate from the ground and sow love.  Sometimes love means resting in our differences - Esau and Jacobs coming together is a prime example of this. 

We could debate the reason for suffering and how it pertains to God in a variety of ways.  I realize there are many lenses of how to perceive the cause of suffering and God's work within it. We won't focus on those 'big' theological questions in this blog - at least not right now.  I wrote this blog to discuss some of the own raw emotions I feel on the question of suffering and it goes back to choice and the law of free will.

Free will is a blessing and a burden - it is a great gift of love on God's part but we have forsaken that gift time and time again to sow destruction and pain.  Free will is part of God's holy mystery - it is so hard for us to understand how God cannot intervene to stop suffering - particularly wars - but the bigger question I find myself coming to is: WHERE IS THE HUMAN WILL IN THIS?  We have free will - without it we would not be able to willfully choose to love - to love God and our fellow man.  While this sounds like an easy solution - love is based on choice - that is what makes it pure - dynamic - and powerful - without choice love is not pure - it is just an illusion.  God wants us to choose to do good because it is in choice we learn the root reasons for the command.  How often do we learn through mistakes why a law like 'do not envy' is a sin?  The closer we are to God the easier it is to acknowledge and actively hear and live HIS words. Love builds that foundation.

God calls us to be stewards of the land and to actively pursue love and mercy and PEACE.  The kingdom is here and we must serve in LOVE - so when war and strife occur - we should not question - where is GOD, but how can humanity work to do good through Christ's example in a broken world.  We must acknowledge our sin and the power of our choice in our own lives.

 

Choice is a law of free will - you look at the law of motion - everything has an equal and opposite reaction - law of gravity - choice has consequences and those consequences don't just affect you - in fact they ripple down.  Looking at the Holocaust - it is a starvation of people doing good and actively seeking to stop injustice - people stood by and let it happen...the injustice was stopped by the goodness of people fighting evil - the evil should not have taken root in the first place - yet choice is a prominent issue in every situation - how many people in tragedy just hide in the darkness - while they actively may not support evil - they don't stop it.  This does not mean we are all called to join up and fight in wars - but on the other hand we cannot just let evil lie and fester.

God calls us to be a light for the world.  When light enters darkness - darkness cannot hold its throne.  It will try -but light expels darkness every time.

We can choose revenge for justice of crimes, but it is not true justice - revenge is based on hate...justice serves good

I don't have answers to why God seems to act in certain situations and let other play out in human hands - I believe that God was present in the sufferings of the twentieth century - walking beside and helping to carry the load of the afflicted, giving strength to the weak - empowering those seeking to light a candle of human kindness and fight the good fight against enormous evil.  You look in WWII of how the Allies fought and the key battles that helped stop the Nazis.  You see the sacrifices of so many who gave their lives selflessly to help those being persecuted.

So in commemorating the Holocaust and Armenian Genocide, while we must examine the dark terror of these events - we cannot do so in the error of hopelessness, but rather with a light to analyze the wrongs - to seek healing and understanding, to value the life that was extinguished and to honor life.

In honoring life, we must make a collective and individual commitment to respect the power of choice and in respecting it - submitting our selfish tendencies of the flesh over to goodness - so that we may choose to do good - even it is seems to cripple our steps.  We cannot climb mountains without giving up our flesh, and the weakness of hate, we have to endure suffering for the sake of sowing love and working to prevent - through the power of choice to dedicate service to ensuring such atrocities never happen again.

In suffering we must reach out to help our neighbor - we are all connected - it is our duty to uphold creation in love - in famine - we must bring food to those in need, in drought we pray for water, in war help provide refugees with clothing - give the homeless a place to live or at least sit and food for their appetites.  Let us not hunger after excess, but in excess give to help others and bless others so good can be sown in the world.

Evil exists and because each person has individual free will we cannot fully stop evil, but goodness in the end has the endurance to stand and triumph.  God may seem silent but HE is never absent - too much good is sown even in times of darkness - God has proven in scripture - while he will occasionally fight battles (Egypt, wars in OT) for HIS people - he often demands we sow the good in the world by relying on HIS command and be willing to take the desert road of glory versus the 'easy path' of the world.

I know my words are weak compared to the sufferings we face - but I also look at all the times I have faced trial and spoken to those who have faced such horrid trial as the Holocaust and there is a peace of endurance in doing good and a realization that we are called to face darkness with light - God is our source and supply - but God is not of the world - he created it, but free will - and the evil that exists by human choice is not of God - God will judge every man's sins - it seems impossible to think HE would not intervene here - right this second - but God's time and concept is different than ours.

 

We are called to sow the kingdom here, but we will not truly reap the eternal in the temporal state of the world.  I think it is important to make the clear distinction that we are called to do GOOD right now and plant the kingdom of God on earth through love and serve, peace and understanding, joy and forgiveness - but we cannot fully heal all wounds - some things we have to turn over to God - death is something we should weep over - we must weep and pray and seek justice against the thieves who steal lives in cold malicious blood - but know that God does not ignore the blood of the dead - in this realm where we see a cycle of life and decay - we focus only on death - so often forgetting - that God restores the soul in heaven - and those who suffer - particularly in times of atrocity and war will be healed in heaven.

We need to work to build a sure foundation in CHRIST through love and compassion.  From there we need to work on building a bridge over troubled waters - where yes we focus on the gift of salvation and the heavenly kingdom, but as The LORD'S PRAYER teaches us - we must also work to sow 'thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.'  We cannot just ignore suffering in the world because we are waiting for heaven, we must be active and present in the world as Christ was and remember HIS joyous life and trials and suffering. Christ did not condone suffering - political choices of failed human stewardship and leadership led to HIS death.  Christ tells us to take us up our crosses - this does not mean that we seek to enact suffering in our lives, but rather when we are faced with terrors of the world - we become instruments of the spirit of love and peace and endurance of faith - it is this endurance that kept God's holy people - The Hebrews alive and their remnant filled with the fire of sustaining love of God - you see this throughout the testaments - if we trust in God - we understand HE is present, but we must seek HIM and when we are led to slaughter we must look to heaven.

God weeps for every life lost to war and persecution, sin and suffering - he wipes our tears and holds us - sometimes we don't see this when the world is so cruel, but look for the light - it might seem small, but it is constant - by light we are guided, by love we are healed.

None of us can fully solve the problem of suffering, but if we can seek justice and work for good - sowing just a bit of love a day and working on healing and forgiveness - we do may a difference in the world.  One meal to a hungry person might not seem light a lot but to that person it is the world - and God's grace in the world.

Ways we can help even in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives is to donate money and supplies to non-profits, to volunteer and give our knowledge to others in need.  Family Promise, The Salvation Army, World Food Program, Catholic Charities, Episcopal Relief Development are just a few great organizations where you can contribute to help feed the world with daily bread and spiritual tools.  You can also get involved in local community projects - particularly those that target human trafficking, hunger, homelessness and even just events like fun music and arts activities - because the stronger our communities are sown in love the better they function.  I personally have made a decision to try to be more eco-friendly for I find God's majesty and grace in the beauty of the land and our water - I think any form of greed corrupts God's blessings for humanity - we have the choice to be selfless and live in love - selfless doesn't mean you deprive yourself - but rather you are willing to give up part of yourself with a sincere heart for others - sometimes this demands giving up material possessions, sometimes it is time, and sometimes it is service of skills - God knows how to use us for his purpose if we listen to the Holy Spirit.  Listening is not something we are very good at as humans - we like to talk to argue and to demand - listening takes patience and I am still learning to listen to God - when I do I feel peace like no other peace on earth.

Part of our free will contract (if you deem that the term by biblical authority - but suffice it to say we have the gift of free will and God stands by his law and law of love - so perhaps it is a covenant - I am not an authority on this) - I do know that prayer makes a difference because certain areas of life God wants to help but will not unless we ask because of our free will - prayer might not yield the answers we want but God listens and is at work from our prayers.
 

I always thought praying for relief to world-wide suffering was good but I didn't think it really made a difference because for one we should be working to stop it by our hand (and we should) but God also wants to help and use people and places for HIS good in the world - so praying for crises abroad does actually help because when we pray we release that burden to God and he can guide us and help heal the situation - if not in our lifetime - in the future - one prayer does make a difference - who is to say by praying for relief from famine that perhaps one farmer receives wheat in drought - it might not solve the problem - but prayer does help and I know it is hard to believe that - but the power of prayer is a great gift in working to mitigate suffering - along with the active call to hear God's word and serve in the world in light and love.
 

Prayer:
Dear Christ, our advocate and savior.  You know the joys and sufferings of the world.  You know the turmoil and testing we face and the famine of goodness that seeks to make hungry men eat the bread of hate.  Instead fill us with your living waters and spiritual bread of love - let your gracious light help us discern the path of service and guide us in the right choices - not only for ourselves but to ensure that our neighbors are not afflicted by our sins.  Help us to recognize our faults and seek your healing power. Give us the power to forgive so that we may be forgiven.  Heal the world by your hand, but through the power of heavenly armies of angels - but also through our decisions to enact love and light in the world - protect us, love us, guide us and heal this fractured world and uplift us in suffering to remember your cross.  Remind us that though trials may kill the flesh the spirit will be joyfully restored to you.  Teach us to walk in YOUR ways to the GLORY of YOUR NAME.  Praise be to Father, Son and Holy Spirit...Glory be

I pray for the entire world, those afflicted by Ebola and disease, those affected by drought - may we have an awareness of our role to be environmental stewards and respect the earth God gives us and use it for good, may God have grace enough through Christ to heal the land, to provide moisture and sun - crops out of famine so all the world may be fed - I pray that all who fight in wars against evil but uplifted in the GOOD fight, I pray for the suffering and the afflicted - may we count our blessings and bless others - so a shower of blessings of love may fill the emptiness of humanity.

Thank you for taking time to read this post.  Remember joy can be found even in deep suffering - light might be hidden in the darkest of nights - but light persists - look to the stars, the moon and a single ember of a flame. 

Christ, our EVERLASTING Light in Dark Places

 Psalm 18
2 My God, my rock in whom I put my trust, *
my shield, the horn of my salvation, and my refuge; you are worthy of praise.
³   I will call upon the LORD, *
and so shall I be saved from my enemies.
⁴   The breakers of death rolled over me, *
and the torrents of oblivion made me afraid.
⁵   The cords of hell entangled me, *
and the snares of death were set for me.
⁶   I called upon the LORD in my distress *
and cried out to my God for help.
⁷   He heard my voice from his heavenly dwelling; *
my cry of anguish came to his ears.

 

Every day we move about in the chaos of the world - from the daily troubles within the turmoil of our own lives to the macro-traumas of the world stage where war, famine, drought, oppression, cruelty and strife taint our soil, our water, our bonds in humanity.  Each individual struggle is macro to you because it is your strife, your trial and your affliction - it is easy to cast off one's pain as nonexistent until we walk in their shoes.  On the other hand in suffering we must stay vigilant that we do not lose perspective - we do not lose hope - there are blessings in the midst of trial...sometimes it takes the deepest wounds to cut us down in size to understand empathy, compassion and reveal hidden lessons in strife.  None of us likes to be forced into suffering and testing - no matter how great or how small the trial may be. There have been many times I've been at the end of a pay period with an empty cupboard and my bills were piling up - I panicked and wrestled in the strife - the strife was temporary and my paycheck came but for a week it was unbearable...somehow I was fed and I survived...I've faced greater trials than this - wounds so deep only God can heal the emotional scars and physical scars.  I still have a rod in my leg from a 2002 car accident when I broke my right leg, neck, hands and both wrists...many would have seen the painful recovery as a trial - but I found the blessing of survival out of the wreckage...I swore I would PRAISE GOD for saving me.

We all tend to forget God's former blessings and rescues when we are in the midst of trial.  I have screamed at God about fear over bills - forgetting the times I've had checks come in the mail to pay my bills out of the blue when I was at my lowest - forgetting HIS saving grace in the wake of my car accident.  When we walk we think we are paralyzed, because we focus on fear.  When the paralyzed first walks - it is grace in motion.  We cannot forget our blessings during pain and suffering, nor can we forget to PRAISE GOD for blessings of life and also ask for HIS help to break the bonds of the situation.

The infections of the world: Ebola, ISIS, Kenyan Massacre, Boko Haram, natural disasters, our own personal daily fears over finances, health and life issues - it is easy to get caught up in the negative and to start to believe the lie that God is absent in our lives and that God does not care - how could a loving God allow ISIS to take hold...but these evils are not from God - rather the light of the world - the true light of love, not hate is from God.  God, Son and Holy Spirit - the TRINITY is pure loving energy.  While our sins comes from the fallen nature of free will and those who choose to forsake love in the temporal power of hate - which cannot stand against good - God is ever present in our trials and when we seek HIM in suffering - HE will make our paths straight.

How can he make paths straight when evil persists? God is a light - and Christ guides us through The Holy Spirit - part of the human condition is about choice.  Choosing God's love makes us an instrument of peace - but we are called to more than that - we are called to be an example of love - and in this example we must help all of humanity and the earth.  We are called to service.

How can we serve when we are so small and the evil is strong as a hammer?  We can make a difference - one small light of love can penetrate the darkest of nights.  Serving meal to a neighbor in distress - taking time to send supplies to refugees or donating to a charity that does work overseas in crisis zones (United Nations, Episcopal Relief Development, Catholic Charities, UNICEF). 

We can also PRAY.  While prayer seems small especially when we are but one voice praying for the entire healing of the world - how can our prayer matter?  It does.  God listens and our free will to serve HIM and ask HIM to act - helps to heal the situation - the more who pray the greater the army of joyful petitions shouting out for mercy - God will take one prayer and use it for good.  We might not see the effect of that on the evening news - but peace penetrates even the most forsaken and barren of places. 

While justice cannot  be fully served on this earth for the travesties in Syria, Kenya, Nigeria and Western Africa and Iraq (the lives lost cannot be replaced - but God has through Christ brought victims up for glory in the resurrection - that seems a small consolation when such hate has stolen a life, don't think God doesn't mourn - nor will God ignore the debt - God will work justice - sometimes it is in this realm, sometimes by the heavenly throne of judgment.)  We too must act by seeking peace.  Sometimes this puts us in the seemingly impossible battle to wage war - at the end of the day we must fight for good - through love, compassion and a dedication to our fellow mankind and the earth.

- Remember God is with you - If God is for you - even if the world is against you in the eternal spectrum you will find release in HIS peace.  Be vigilant even in impossible trial for joy conquers hate - love sows love...where revenge creates a cycle of hate recycled - fight the GOOD FIGHT but let God be the JUDGE...This is so impossible in human flesh and human hearts - we grow weary by the hate and that hates makes us bitter and it makes us turn our backs on humanity - suffering - we lose hope.  Joy is not a false hope, but rather a realized hope that good is always worth a struggle over evil - goodness is pure and full of love.  Hope is not a false decree in these terms where you ignore suffering and your trials - you can ignore evil and pretend it doesn't exist - that won't make it disappear.

Rather hope in this case reminds you that life is beautiful - this world may be flawed but it is the glory of God's creation and represents his CREATIVE canvas - wars come, powers come and go - love is a test of endurance - hate cannot withstand - its cup is barren.

For many years I lost hope.  I struggled through - thinking nothing good can come to me - I'm damaged, I'm lost - my hope alone was in salvation and heaven - but I gave up on life - when we give up on the goodness of life - EVIL wins - so we must look for the good even in suffering and embrace chances to love our neighbor as Christ loved us even when it is difficult - even when hate surrounds us.

We must not lose sight that prayer and thanksgiving and supplication do work - we cannot see the effects all the time - but God is always at work - even in rest HE is at work in the world for GOOD.

When you face fear - seek God's counsel.  I felt the most hopeless in trial when I realized my 'friends' did not understand the depths of pain - I did not expect them to feel the pain as much as take time to listen and show empathy - but many found hearing about my problems impeded on their happiness - when I refer to this I did not come forth with an expectation of huge amounts of time - I hoped for a hour long cup of coffee and some good conversations - just simple acts of kindness - we often are called to God to sow goodness and love by being compassionate and empathetic - perhaps that is the great lesson of suffering.  When we suffer we understand the pain of loss and rejection - so when a friend is in dire need we can help soothe and uplift them.  I think of God's petition and commandment to the Israelites in the desert to be kind to the alien because the Hebrews were once foreigners. 

I make this final point because goodness and mercy starts within the soul, through the RESURRECTION we are called to carve a part of ourselves out for service to others in love.  Sometimes this may be uncomfortable - sometimes we may be put into conditions of persecution - remember the world first hated Christ - we are never alone in this battle.  Goodness has the endurance to stand - it is full of the living cup of the holy waters of HIS SPIRIT

While the world is fractured - love and goodness can bind the wound - healing the spirit and the flesh - we are called to PRAY and to actively serve.  Every community faces poverty, hardship, trial - the world is at war - but if we light but one candle in someone's life - we have lit the hope of life in another and that gift of goodness reaps a far deeper and everlasting harvest than ignorance, bitterness, anger and selfish collaboration when tests come.  

Prayer (from BCP); Thess. 12

Go forth into the world in peace;
be of good courage;
hold fast that which is good;
render to no one evil for evil;
strengthen the fainthearted;
support the weak;
help the afflicted;
honour everyone;
love and serve the Lord,
rejoicing in the power of the Holy Spirit;
and the blessing of God almighty,
the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,
be among you and remain with you always. Amen.


 

Light out of Darkness: Letting go of ANGER

"Blessed be the name of God from age to age, for wisdom and power are his. He changes times and seasons, deposes kings and sets up kings; he gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what is in the darkness, and light dwells with him. To you, O God of my ancestors, I give thanks and praise, for you have given me wisdom and power, and have now revealed to me what we asked of you, for you have revealed to us what the king ordered." Daniel 2

'He reveals deep and hidden things...he knows what is in the darkness, and light dwells with him.'

As a child I was petrified of the dark.  I craved the light - I found fear in the dark because it reminded me of the lonely terror of the unknown - I feared monsters in the closet, and the pitch black aphotic chaos of being on my own.  Part of this fear came from trauma at a young age - I felt helpless and alone in the dark.  I used to fall asleep praying for protection and light.  I always felt the comfort and peace of God even in my uneasiness. 



Reading the daily scripture today I was drawn to this verse from Daniel because it reminds us that God sees all things hidden and known in the world.  When we are in life's darkest depths, the LORD is vigilantly watching our steps and ready to light our way if we seek HIS help.  In seeking HIS help we might not always light the path he leads us on - think of Daniel's trial in the Lion's Den - that is where faith comes in.  In faith we know we can confidently walk through the black holes of life without losing our moral compass.  I have been on hiking expeditions where my compass starting acting up (magnetic issues from volcanic rock or just a busted needle), other times I just lost my bearings particularly in the fall months when leaves hide the trail.

The first time this happened I panicked.  A voice in my gut said 'panic won't solve this puzzle, intuition and scientific reasoning will.' I prayed for discernment in the quiet darkness of encroaching night - I trusted my instinct and wilderness know-how and forged forward - safely making it to my car.

God is an unfailing compass - He is your guide.'  When are minds get so gobbled up with fear that we let anxiety rule our mind we cannot discern our intuition or use our God-given critical thinking skills (reason, science, problem-solving, common sense) to figure out a solution - we just focus on the darkness. 

Prayer is a lifeline in our faith and our mental and physical health - because it forces us to be still and listen to God's word - God is willing to listen to our gripes and take all our worries in Christ and absolve then - but we need to carve out the time to listen and pray...you must choose to accept God's healing and be willing to use HIS G.P.S. faithfully otherwise you'll be bitter and lost.  I speak from experience.  I've always been a compassionate, empathetic and patient person in trial - I love people and want to serve others - but I also avoided processing the pain of past trauma - instead throwing myself into project after project - because I did not want to face the darkness of my past - although I wanted to be healed, I thought I was destined to be scarred to carry the load of worry, fear and anxiety...in holding close to that buried anger and fear - I let anxiety rule my mind - and even my critical thinking fine-tuned analytical nature suffered - instead of using discernment to scrutinize the facts as light on darkness - revealing the truth - I found mistrust in my abilities and found myself unworthy to come to God with my problems - I built it up like a fortress.  My health suffered from high cortisol levels and hives - biological stress from refusing to let go - letting go sometimes means we have to go into dark places and scrutinize the pain instead the depths of our soul - to sift through the anger and the hurt - but if we do this with God we will find healing and peace - the light will give us wisdom and courage to press on.

I still am learning to let go and LET GOD.

- Problem: I thought God would not want to hear my complaining - so I tried to be my own problem solver.  While God does gives us science, psychology, reason and critical thinking so we can be self-reliant - this self-reliance is dependent on HIS healing hands.  You can discern you have a broken leg, but it takes a physician to heal it.  How can you properly fix your leg without consulting the doctor and telling them about your pain and suffering - the key is when we pray not to only complain - but to ask God for solutions.  God is ready to be a sounding board, but he can only help us if we ask for solutions - and in asking for solutions we might not always light the answer.
I did not like the fact that I would not receive monetary justice from the thousands of dollars stolen by my stepmother...the money was important because I wanted it for college - I won't go into the details here - suffice it to say I invested so much hope on this one issue because it represented the years and years of toxic abuse by my father and stepmother. 

I could not understand why God refused to get her to pay the debt - God had always given me a clear answer before but not this time.  I let anger creep in.  I knew God loved me and my salvation was procured, but it seemed unfair that I was going through such an injustice considering the countless prayers regarding this issue that went unanswered.

My gut told me: 'God doesn't want you to get the money this way - he has other plans for you - LET IT GO,' but I couldn't let it go - the anger and hurt rested on that goal.  I couldn't perceive how it could be fixed in any other way - I even started to think that unless she paid the debts I would be destitute my whole life (a lot of this came from the effects of a horrible economy the year I graduated).  God tried to get me to put it in perspective, but I refused - I make this point that sometimes we don't like God's answers - but we need to trust them.  God did not want me to get money from my stepmother because she was a toxic force in my life who meant to do me harm and had taken away a lot of my confidence - he wanted me to completely separate from her negative energy so he could heal me in HIS perfect LOVE and care.  God cannot force a will to bend in this plain - he knew my stepmother would not yield in her hate and selfishness - so he wanted me to cut ties so he could work in my life.  This lesson took me a decade to learn.

One of the reasons for this anger in spite of my compassionate and forgiving nature is that I buried a lot of the raw emotions of hurt so deep that I ignored that darkness - I keep being thrust from anxiety rife situation of life trauma to another for two decades so when it was peaceful in my life I did not want to tap into the volcano of pain and hurt - but I needed to peel back that pain layer by excruciating layer in order to learn lessons from the pain and to remove the splinters in my soul.  It took my own resolve and God's healing care - light in my darkness to help me have wisdom, discernment and be refined by the fire of trial.






I thought I had forgiven my father and stepmother - but I continued to clutch that anger and every time I found power in anger I got cut.  Finding power in anger and confronting anger are two different things.  Power out of anger is a false strength - it is like a rush of adrenaline that crashes down after a anger high - power out of anger causes you to become bitter and self-loathing, fearful...it does not help you to analyze behavior of why the person wronged you and how you can heal - rather it cuts apart your soul and is like a bat that keeps attacking you.  When you allow anger to give you power it makes you weak - you replay the victim role again and again and are battered down.

Confronting anger is a necessary part of healing - each layer I had to process my toxic emotions - I burned the feelings of self-hate and got to the psychological root of the problem - I found forgiveness doesn't mean condoning an act but allowing God to take the burden of avenging that debt from you.  In my journey I found I had so many layers of abuse and pain that it took years of healing to confront the problem - you cannot get frustrated or rush the process of healing and forgiveness -on the other hand you cannot hide behind false forgiveness so you can continue to get battered by anger.
The deepest cuts were the ones I buried so deep that when I first arrived I was shocked by the pain - I thought I was over it - then I moved home and all the anger and hurt resurfaced - it came to my attention through intuition that this is because the first cuts are deepest - because you mourn a loss of innocence and trust and when your family betrays you and you are once again confronted with the initial seed of pain - then it is very difficult to process.

It was only after opening door after door and processing the pain through healing - not anger I was able to fully forgive - and in that love I now can find myself - I still have anxiety - but God will provide wisdom if we are willing to give him our burdens and allow HIM to cast his light in our dark hearts.

I now realize how even in the darkest depths of my despair and suffering and testing that God blessed me and helped me - I had opportunities to see the beauties of Yellowstone National Park and other great wonders of creation - it is in those natural places I learned that some of life's greatest beauty comes from the depths of trial.

 
Daniel is a great example of trial by fire and faith out of doubt.  Even if we don't see God working immediately in our lives the way we want life right now - God has a plan better and bigger than you and me.  For those who die in war and persecution we can only pray that their suffering is rewarded by the perfection of heaven...for those of us living in the wake of pain - we can either let the shards of our soul cut us or be refined and healed by God's light and the cup of HIS everlasting waters.

It is scary to shine a light into the depths of a dark soul, but it is a physical we need and must act on without delay so God can open doors and help us to do HIS work in the world.

Turn over your anxiety - otherwise you will not be able to use critical thinking and problem solving through the gifts of the Holy Spirit to find a way forward.  There is NO FUTURE in the PAST