I have been praying steadfastly for God's divine assistance. God's loving light is always around us - still it is often hard to perceive it during difficult times. Have you ever just been on your last dollar before a paycheck. You knew the check was coming, still the anxiety rips you apart. Have you ever felt so lost you scream at God for not providing you with a map? In Lent as we completely purge ourselves in self-reflection we wrestle with doubts and fears.
I often find in the season of Lent I am navigating impossible obstacles - last year our car died in the middle of Arizona - right by the Grand Canyon before dying again in Gallup New Mexico. What a scene to be looking under the hood of your car (the bumper fell off from the Arizona potholes on 89) while the most majestic of canyons - a true testament to God's glory and his use of the natural world for beauty and wonder just feet away from my frantic breathes. I got so focused on being stranded, I barely noticed the wonder and grace before me.
The Grand Canyon was cut and carved over millions of years of upheaval and erosion. In its glorious color and jagged splendor - I should have taken time to say a prayer to God 'help us' and trust in help. That doesn't mean you don't be proactive when you are stranded on the side of the road, but try to take the situation in perspective. Anxiety is natural, but when anxiety turns to deep fear and angst we don't see clearly and we are so flummoxed we'll never be able to find the solution right before us.
We did end up in Flagstaff - where the dealership put on the wrong part - so as we drove down the road in tumbling desert winds, our bumper fell off again - this time in Gallup New Mexico. Oh I thought the earth had been pulled from beneath my feet - I crashed into fear and doubt - how could we pay for this, who would fix our car at 11 p.m. at night - would be be stuck in New Mexico? What would happen.
God was working while I panicked. our car died right by a Cracker Barrel, Wal-Mart and Hampton Inn. With no other alternatives for the night, my mom and I went to the hotel - much to our shock we got the last room available in all of Gallup - LITERALLY - the last room at the inn. It cost $200 a night. With only $1000 left to get across country - instead of being grateful for the room - I panicked - I turned to God in desperation, my prayer driven by fear.
In the end God provided a respite on the road in a safe place. Our car was fixed by the Insurance Adjustor and we were safe. While we lacked a lot of money - we got to Raleigh safe and sound. Two weeks after I arrived home - I got a job and my first paycheck came the day our bills were due. God works out of the dust and trials of life - he can create miracles in a breath, but he often uses people and ordinary situations to help heal our anxiety and answer our prayers.
I know that as I wait on the LORD - he is working, God's love and light is always surrounding us in the most desperate of times.
My Grand Canyon solace
The canyons dance in color, the light is the gaze of God as he illumines the earth in grace. The wind is a harp and the river a hammer, saw and wrench cutting and carving. The rain are the tears of mercy nourishing the ground. The electricity is a kindling spark, and the fire's destroying path cannot stop the healing power of Christ's mercy. The flood waters recede, the desert will not thirst. This land is harsh and beautiful, the road is steep to train our muscles - as we wander we learn the path, as we journey we come to learn the destination of everything is love and God is love eternal
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