Let Go, Let God

 Matthew 7
⁷ “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

The past few days has been a hurricane in the desert for me, the sort of sand storm that leaves you lost and so disoriented all you can do is break down and ask GOD for help.  I have been exorcising many ghosts from my past lately.  I won't get into the grime and grit of my personal life up to this point, but I have faced a lot of trauma and abuse that left me and my mother in a precarious position.  Throughout the upheaval of my life - God has acted as my FATHER - whom I trust and love.  That is why I was in a state of shock with the last of our personal family pieces, including my baby pictures, which I kept in storage for five years (long story about my own coming out of Egypt so to speak as I was freed from bondage in an abusive family dynamic.  My mother and I lean on each other for support to heal from our pain and suffering - God is our anchor and we follow HIS Light of Love.  I know many parts of my past are fractured but in fractured glass sometimes a prism forms a rainbow.  The rainbow is a testament of God's covenant and love.  No matter heavy our tears God always wipes our eyes and prevents sorrow from flooding the soul if we turn our worries over to HIM and to HIS SON allowing the HOLY SPIRIT to guide us.

I have clung to our family antiques and personal belongings for five years paying over $7000 in fees in that time just to hang onto the remnants of a life we lost, this was all we had left of a past stolen from us under foot.  I found out two days ago that all of my life - the material aspects of it are going to be auctioned off and while I do have an opportunity to get my baby pictures - the majority of the personal items that meant so much to me will be gone, taken away from us.

When I first heard the news I fell to my knees and bargained with God, I blamed HIM for not helping us with the finances to move our furniture by the deadline, I just couldn't understand why he has stood by idly and let us suffer at the hands of oppressors who have literally taken the rug out from under our feet.  I particularly did not understand this because I had just completed what is known as The Flying Novena.  One of my requests was for the financial means to have our stuff moved to Raleigh from Nashville - I wake up the next day and our stuff will be sold - it seemed like the opposite of what I wanted and begged for in prayer.

I realize now that God is teaching me a lesson - he approves of our sentimental attachment to things - the memories that they carry, but given our toxic history with a past broken, I realize God wants us to let go and release that negativity and move forward by trusting in HIM.  I had prayed before this happened that in God's mercy he will restore our fortunes so the increasing worry of money is not before us - I work hard and it is difficult when you are emotionally abused.  I love my mom and she is such a blessing - and I know God gave us a miracle in keeping our relationship strong out of the fire.

God is going to restore our fortunes - I trust in HIM - HE is the divine master and creator - I understand now that part of this process is to let go of the past and let God in.  Any slight anger or fear attached to the items leaves a residual energy of sadness - God turns sadness into joy - God often destroys what is corrupted and builds it back up again.  His mercy is with us even in suffering.

I know that this was actually an answer to my prayer - for too long I have held onto these items without any recourse or room to move them into my present life and future journey.  God makes crooked paths straight - sometimes it means leaving baggage behind.

I continue to pray the Novena - believing that Christ will answer my prayers to help us get to Nashville to get our family photo albums.  It seems like an impossible task but with God anything is possible if we believe through HIS son Jesus Christ and pray for guidance from the Holy Spirit.
God will heal the brokenness if we release it to his arms. 

I pray to St. Michael to cleanse all the negative energy in Christ's name.  I also continue to pray the rosary and the Novena.  I believe in the miraculous work of Jesus Christ in our lives, even if it makes us hit the brakes.  Sometimes what we think of as a curse is a blessing from God to get us to make a sharp turn in the right direction.

If Christ is for us who can be against us - he makes all path's straight.