Barren winter scene - desert frost
It is important that we look inward and at our lives, bringing a lamp to dark places and fully taking account of our transgressions. One sin we might not think of is blaming ourselves and hating ourselves for past mistakes when we've already prayed to CHRIST to forgive us the debt. It is proactive and positive to learn from a mistake, but when you ruminate on it in shame you are disregarding God's grace, the power of the Holy Spirit who dwells in you and Jesus's sacrifice on the cross. I am prone to anxiety - the type of person that while I have total faith that the sin is forgiven in God's mind, I cannot let go of my anger and fear because I want to fix the problem and thinking blaming myself - particularly when I was a victim in a situation - is my first calling card of defense.
If God forgives a sin through HIS SON Jesus CHRIST it is our duty to turn it fully over to God. Pray that he release the negativity around your worries and fears and ask that he help you build trust in HIS spirit and trust the insight and love of the HOLY SPIRIT. We do not walk alone. God is before us guiding us as he did in the exodus, Christ is beside us and the Holy Spirit is within us. Don't doubt for a second that the creator of the entire universe, who is pure love and righteousness cannot tend your brokenness and heal your brittle bones. Angels work in God's name. We are safe and loved, even in the most desperate times of life.
If God deems it right by grace to forgive you - accept the forgiveness...Live and learn, don't toil in pity and anger. Lent is a time of sacrifice and fasting because by purging ourselves of sin, doubt, anxiety, fear and frustrations...we are making room to let God in and allow Christ, the Holy Spirit and the company of heaven give us the gift of grace eternal as it is in heaven and also as it is on earth.
God wants us to live an abundant life through him. While God will provide for your material needs, abundance is more a matter of spiritual significance. When you seek the kingdom of God's love first then you will understand the blessings of even simple aspects of life and joy will burst forth. God loves us and wants to help. We have to allow him to close a door and when he opens a new one step in with confidence of faith.
I love this Psalm because it reminds us that we are unworthy sinners, yes and we need to admit our wrongs; however this psalm gets to the physical, psychological and spiritual aspects of contrition - it is a healing prayer. It is a psalm of turning doubt into trust and reminding us that we have to let go of sin (sin in this context might not be a horrible immoral act, but rather a psychological block preventing you from moving forward. You make be the victim of a crime, you are the victim and justice has not been served on earth. It seems impossible to just turn it over to God - but holding onto anger prevents us from a complete relationship with God. I am learning this - there is a great power in forgiveness. Forgiveness does not make you a door mat or excuse a person's behavior - sometimes it means cracking glass metaphorically in your hands and allowing your heart to bleed out a bit as you negotiate the pain - God is there with us in pain and helps us if we let him heal our broken heart. Forgiveness means you realize the other person cannot pay a debt and your stop pursuing that debt - working instead to live in the abundance of love - and letting that person and their anger go from you life.)
God's forgiveness is GRACE because HE not only forgives our debts, but in Christ he wants a relationship with us. If we think for a moment about our sins, simple and complex - the times we focused on doubt instead of faith - fear instead of active hope we realize - if God created the world and has granted GRACE, we must accept it with a humble heart. I feel unworthy of HIS love, yet Christ reminds me through the intercession of the Holy Spirit - that while I may be a sinner - unable to pay my debts - God has chosen to forgive and more importantly to love me with his whole heart - if God believes us worthy of his love, by grace we must accept this divine love and learn to love ourselves and others as Christ loves us. Loving ourselves is different than ego. Loving ourselves is being willing to stand before God, asking for help and always remembering though we are but dust God calls us to his service and we have a purpose and light we need to shine in the world.
A little light goes a long way. Let Christ's light cleanse you of all negative energy and spiritual obstacles in your life. Ask for forgiveness of your sins, but equally important during Lent you must forgive others and fully work to purify your hearts to allow the resurrection light of Christ into you life. I will post more on forgiveness soon as I am forgiving those who hurt me and asking forgiveness for my personal sins. Let God's light in and he will cut all the vines that strangle you in doubt, a new vine will burst forth that is ever living. Even if your feet are tired and blistered on your wandering stumbling walk, Christ walks with you - he knows suffering and even doubt, yet he reminds us - Turn it over to God and let God wash it from you.
Psalm 51:1-13
1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your loving-kindness; *in your great compassion blot out my offenses.
2 Wash me through and through from my wickedness *
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions, *
and my sin is ever before me.
4 Against you only have I sinned *
and done what is evil in your sight.
5 And so you are justified when you speak *
and upright in your judgment.
6 Indeed, I have been wicked from my birth, *
a sinner from my mother's womb.
7 For behold, you look for truth deep within me, *
and will make me understand wisdom secretly.
8 Purge me from my sin, and I shall be pure; *
wash me, and I shall be clean indeed.
9 Make me hear of joy and gladness, *
that the body you have broken may rejoice.
10 Hide your face from my sins *
and blot out all my iniquities.
11 Create in me a clean heart, O God, *
and renew a right spirit within me.
12 Cast me not away from your presence *
and take not your holy Spirit from me.
13 Give me the joy of your saving help again *
and sustain me with your bountiful Spirit.
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