I often invoke my prayers to the Lord with pleas not to forget me, 'O Lord do not forsake me.' I beg God to stay with me and guard my heart through the Holy Spirit. The desperation is my call is the bridge of fear to faith, desolation and consolation. In my personal life I have been forsaken by my biological father and many who should have stood up for me - as a child I faced abused, yet God has stayed faithful - he isn't going anywhere. Still I panic - I fear that he will not help me or will turn deaf ears on my cries - I scrutinize my self worth under the sharp edged sword of the residual pain of family who told me I was worthless. While I always know I am not worthless to God, I still grapple with the fear of rejection - I yearn to please God and rely on HIM as my FATHER, but time and again I fall short - I let fear keep me anxious - I fail to see God's plan as an eternal timeline - allowing fear to steal my joy in temporal matters.
God does not forget HIS creation - God acts at the right time, even if in the darkest nights of the soul we, like Jesus on the Cross, cry out 'why have you forsaken me.' God is faithful even when we are not. He is ready to transform our hearts in love and to guide us. In times of testing he stills our soul with resilient peace so we will endure the storm - able to be refined from the fire, not burned by anxious hopelessness. God is our candle in the darkness and the Holy Spirit never fails to guide us if we implore HIS help. Jesus forgives us time and again and wants our love, our friendship and for us to desire a relationship of love - not merely for the reward of heaven, which is a fruit of the faith, but because of the peace and care of a perfect relationship in Christ.
In previous posts I have discussed forgiveness. Jesus tells Peter that we should forgive seventy times seven - 77 times plus! I think like most of Jesus's teachings, this command is full of depth and encompasses many truths about forgiveness in one simple command - the command is straightforward - demanding what seems impossible - yet Christ does forgive us our every sin when we ask. I also think the statement refers to the fragility of the human heart and the emotional process of forgiveness. It took me at least seventy times of searching my soul and working out buried emotions to forgive the relatives that forsook me and my mom. Each time I dealt with the anger and forgave them I chipped a tiny piece of the pain off my shoulder - each time we forgive it is like an antibiotic - it works to cleanse us from infection - however if we are not prepared to make room in our heart for Christ - the infection of anger can return and once again we must fight it with the fervor of love and the Holy Spirit.
I mention forgiveness because often times our fear of being forsaken is tied to forgiveness - either our desire for forgiveness or the wounds of betrayal that have broken a soul. I have had my father, uncles and cousins forsake me for no reason except a love of money and a hateful heart. I forgive them - it took a long time and in that forgiveness I bless them that they might turn their hearts to God to be healed for a broken spirit is root of spite and only God can cleanse us, renew us and remake us.
God will not forsake us - God loves us - he loves us so much that He gave HIS only begotten son to die on the cross that we might have life - not just life - but abundant life.
As I deal with a bad housing situation and other frustrations - I turn to God in desperation - desperate for HIS saving grace, desperate for financial help - at the same time I feel guilty for asking for help when so many are suffering.
God created the entire universe and beyond - while we should always be willing to sacrifice for the least among us and lay down our life for friends and give hospitality to strangers - to think that God cannot solve our problems and the world's at the same time is small thinking. God wants us to pray for others and minister and help our fellow man - but God through Christ has proven HE desires to provide for all His children and will if we let HIM
God has taught me that he only answers prayers if they bring us closer to Him, that doesn't mean He doesn't provide - no God provides abundantly but HIS way is always the best way and unless a want helps us grow in faith and serve HIM it is not always answered. It is hard to understand why some prayers I cried out for help were not answered, God has shown me it is because he has a bigger and better plan than I could ever imagine.
At times when I fear the financial burdens of my life and debate my self-worth in the weight of broken dreams I cry out to the Lord and I wonder where He is - am I selfish and rotten to ask for help when the world is suffering, has God, my FATHER in heaven forsaken me.
God has continuously given me a resounding NO! God does not forget us - he knows us better than we know ourselves, he wants the best for us and works for our highest good if we just give him the reins and seek communion with HIS SPIRIT. This isn't easy, but God will provide and the SPIRIT with sustain you in love.
What God does forget are our sins - he renounces them and absolves us of them. God sees our best self and we need to aim to see that too and in loving ourselves the way God loves us may we go out into the world in peace to love and serve as Christ commands us to do.
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